Gus has stayed very close to me since last night. He’s stuck to my side like glue which is much appreciated. The other point of appreciation is that Senior is out of town which leaves me and his son here for the next week. Since DJ is off work for the next week then he’ll be around the house most of the time. As much as I get annoyed with him for the most part I appreciate having someone daunting looking that lives here. I also like that he has this need to push his “I’m a man” status and make sure everyone knows “this is his house!” and “he protects what’s his.”
I often feel physically vulnerable so despite the fact that I don’t need a testosterone driven man watching over me at all times I do appreciate the gesture. It’s interesting to think there’s someone who wants to protect me even if the main reason is because it makes him feel more like a man to do it. It’s interesting because in general I feel like I’m traveling through this life protecting myself with weakened body armor. For someone to step up and be the breast plate from time to time is …… for fear of over using this word….it’s appreciated. When I’m feeling a little stronger I’ll wear my own armor again but for now I’m hiding behind DJ.
The only thing I plan to do today is manage the basics. I’m not going to work on my particular issue until I go back to therapy because it’s just too much to try and process on my own. For now I intend to put some real food in my stomach, do a bit of laundry and take in some nature … aka…. sit in my yard with my dog then by the window with my kitty Mary Jane.
I talked to Dr. D this morning. I’ll see him on Wednesday then Friday of next week. For now, coffee calls.
fma
Borrowed Armor – July 2nd, 2010 – 11:53am EST
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