I have spotty flashes from last nights dream but I wanted to write them down anyway.
The mother wanted to put up a blue tent as an extension to her private restroom. The tent would extend into the hallway and block most of the path to her bedroom. I tried to talk her out of the tent because a tent in the house is red neck country. Next thing ya know we’d have a hub cap wind chime next to our Chevy on cinder blocks.
Instead of putting the tent in the entrance of her restroom to extend the size of the room she decided to put it up in the corner of the hallway to store firewood. I tried to get her to put the tent up outside but she was bound and determined to go through with this hillbilly home “improvement”. A firewood tent/shed in the house is absolutely necessary and reasonable to anyone with half a tooth in their head! Why was I trying to block progress? As we spoke she dragged huge, poorly cut, unseasoned logs to the fireplace. When she put one log in the only part to catch fire was a tiny little section of dried up twigs.
As we debated the necessity of the newest add on, my sister left to use the restroom at which time I asked the mother if I could have the third restroom in the house as my own. That restroom was hidden and reserved only for the mother but I didn’t feel comfortable sharing a restroom with the sister so I requested my own. She agreed but since there was no shower in that small, well hidden restroom I still had to use hers. In the dream I was okay with that because I hated the sister’s restroom so much. It made me uncomfortable. I felt like I was in the way and not wanted there. The mother would watch me shower but feeling violated is different than feeling in the way and despised.
The restroom I claimed as my own was hidden in the wall of the living room. There were book shelves and every day items in the poorly lit room, as well as nice yet artless furnishings. If you didn’t know the door was on the wall you could easily miss the flat handled entrance.
My restroom was small and made primarily to get your business done and leave. The other two restrooms were spacious and made for comfort.
In the living room there was the fireplace and my hidden restroom all on the same wall, which shared a back wall with the mother’s restroom. All three rooms shared the same support wall. The sister’s restroom was on the other side of the house.
Notes: This is the same stuff as always. There’s a bit of comedy tossed in with sexual violations and familial rejection. There’s an outsider, a focal point and a mediator who sometimes takes on the focal point. If that didn’t make up the whole of my childhood I don’t know what did. We laughed a lot as a family. Despite all the pain in everyday life, despite whatever we felt we laughed, a lot. The mother liked my laugh, she said it’s contagious. In some ways I think to myself, at least the mother had some use for me. God, my sister hated me but I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why. The more contempt she showed the harder I tried to please her.
Trying to please my sister was like trying to turn a freshly cut log into a raging fire.
The amount of symbolism in this dream is insane. Logs cut for fire that won’t burn, one supporting wall for everyone but one family member. The restroom locations and sizes. I could drive myself crazy trying to figure out all the symbolism here. With all that took place in that dream one major theme stood out for me, whatever the mother planned was sure to fail. The tarp tent wouldn’t house firewood inside the house for long without problems. She wasn’t going to get a fire started to warm the house with freshly cut logs too big to fit in the fireplace. No matter how she sliced it her restroom wasn’t going to have more room or comfort, and the house wasn’t going to be warm from the firewood she brought in.
July 22nd, 2010 4:48pm EST