Today the doctor said she needed to schedule a pelvic exam for me. I respectfully declined to which she replied, “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.” LIAR!!! Yes you do!!!!
I hear that sentence and want to throw things. People say it innocently enough, hell my therapist has said it. They say it to instill confidence and trust, but when I hear it I pull back and become defensive. Here’s the thing, my mother and cousin said the same thing yet there I was doing things I didn’t want to do under the pretense of consensual activities. After all, if I didn’t want to then we wouldn’t be in that situation, therefore I have nothing to complain about. Heck, they gave me a way out, gave me a way to say no so why am I complaining about being afraid?
“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” LIARS !!!
It gets confusing. My head spins!!!
When I hear someone say this I know it to be a lie. If I say no what are the consequences? Is it worse than simply giving in?
In my head I know the doctor is not my mother but that sentence is the same. It’s the very same. It’s a set up and its a lie. It’s a lie that says I have a choice when really you plan on pressuring me into something you want to do. That sentence is a lie.
J of A
Hi J of A,
I don’t get told that, but when I read it I found it very upsetting. I’m sorry, it does sound like a game, trying to coerce you into doing something and it is not very subtle.
No is a powerful word.
Good and healing thoughts to you.
Kate
The problem is that sentence is usually followed with “BUT.” It should be “I don’t want you do to anything you don’t want to do.” But usually it’s “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do BUT this is why you should do it and you should listen to me.”