Monthly Archive for January, 2011

Big Storm

Published on January 31, 2011 in For the Record and Mini Entry. 4 Comments

There’s a possibility that we will lose power. We’re about to get up to 12 inches of snow in the next few days. Right now we have freezing rain which is beautiful yet dangerous. I’m home and staying home.

I went to therapy today. Dr. D thinks its interesting that I had the dream about my sister and cousin the day after I started looking for why I feel like crap inside. He said he thinks I’ve been able to see that I’m not my mother.

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Dream: Close but no cigar

Published on January 29, 2011 in Dreams, PTSD, Therapy and Trust. 2 Comments

The dream started off with me getting a flat tire. My sister said after all the dragging her around I’d done she’d pay for it. She told me this on a Saturday but late in the day she was still in bed and wouldn’t get up. I tried to rouse her but she told me to wait until Sunday. I argued that Sunday would be a short business day and if she didn’t wake early enough we would miss the tire places. I told her if I wasn’t able to get the tire fixed by Monday I’d be screwed because I couldn’t get to therapy. She wouldn’t get up so I left to handle it on my own.  When I did, the dream switched to me in the high school I went to as a senior.

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This Path

Published on January 28, 2011 in Depression, Morton's Pride, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

I’ve been depressed but uncertain as to why. I couldn’t figure it out so I went back and looked at old entries. While looking back I noticed triggers as well as my reactions to those triggers. I find it interesting that after a mother issue my Mute alter surfaces followed by a very vocal yet vicious one.

I’m physically and emotionally exhausted and now I know why.

Dec 1st, 2010, started listening to The Rose again. Painted picture of rose on a hill with gold.
Amy Pink has been out more and longer, hours at a time, exhausting.
Dec 9, 2010 defensive, Robert out more, as protection against mother. Strong concerns we’d lose ourselves. Stripped of femininity.
Dec 11,  Robert becomes more and more vicious, tortures us with strict detail of abuses, laughs, looks like mother when does it.
Dec 17,  Increased nightmares – sister in cage, flies in my purse
Dec 21st, noticeable instability
Dec 24th, started working again outside the home
Dec 24th, mother shows up around 3:30am
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Its all… um…well, ya know

Published on January 25, 2011 in Anxiety, Art Therapy, Depression, For the Record and Medical. 1 Comment

http://www.sundrip.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/01/Humble-Clay-1.jpgI’m tired. My sleep is off again. I hate it when that happens.

Therapy was interesting.

Mary Jane is doing fine. Gus is doing fine. My two roommates are … well, they’re alive I guess. I haven’t seen them in a few days.

I did more clay work. It’s on the art site here.

From time to time I have an overwhelming desire to cry. I can feel it well up inside but then it disappears as quickly as it came.

I work today. I have to leave in 20 min. After work I intend to sleep more then work a bit more on the clay sculpture I’ve been trying to finish.

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Pacifier

Published on January 22, 2011 in Abuse, Emotional abuse and PTSD. 3 Comments

Sometimes memories come out of nowhere. I was in bed when I opened my eyes and thought,  my mother walked around the house with a pacifier in her mouth. She had a clear teething ring with little boat and fish shapes inside.  She said the teething ring made her bite stronger. Her pacifier was blue.

written 1-21-11/11:12pm est

Putting My Head Together

Published on January 21, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Fear, Grief Sadness Loss, Pets and PTSD. 0 Comments Tags: .

I have 2 hours before I need to head off to work which means I need to get my head together. I’m in a fog but I need to get clear so I can drive and look half ways normal.

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Something Simple, Something Small

Published on January 21, 2011 in Art and Art Therapy. 1 Comment Tags: .

I wanted to make something simple, small and quick so as to see results right away. She’s hand stitched and hand painted. I made her little dress and scarf too. This is a little 7 inch doll made in a primitive style. She fits in my purse quite nicely and I get to drag her around wherever I go.

me