Monthly Archive for February, 2011

Art Therapy Collages

Published on February 28, 2011 in Art Therapy, Depression, PTSD and Therapy. 1 Comment

I’ve been doing collage type pieces for therapy for the last week.

This is two pieces of fabric pasted inside my sketchbook. I then added words as they came into my head with ink, fabric paint and acrylic paints. I changed some of the original colors on the cloth but I mostly tried to stick with listing words. Continue reading ‘Art Therapy Collages’

This is Where I Live

Published on February 27, 2011 in Dehumanize and Soapbox. 0 Comments Tags: , .

I live in Indiana where Union’s are now under fire.

I live in Indiana where tax payer dollars are being spent to ensure that no homosexual is allowed to marry. Despite the fact that we pay our taxes, vote in officials and abide by the law we are still not allowed to marry. Please vote for me, pay your taxes, obey the law and accept less than everyone else.

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Hope and White Frogs

Published on February 25, 2011 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Grief Sadness Loss, Pets and Trust. 5 Comments Tags: .

One of the things frogs are good for is escaping their enclosure. They’ll find the smallest hole to jump out of then next thing you know you find a dried up body someplace. Well, the other day when I woke I did my routine critter head count and found  the  albino clawed frog had escaped overnight. I looked all around for her with no success until finally I settled on the probability that Mary Jane found the frog and did her kitty thing on it. I tried to put it out of my head because I didn’t want to think about if she suffered or not. It may ‘just’ be a frog to some but this is my pet we’re talking about. To think of what could have been done to her was a bit much so I tried to put it out of my head.

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Serial killers. Jello. Coffee.

Published on February 22, 2011 in Humor. 5 Comments

The Criminal Mind’s marathon on Ion Television was sponsored by the newly released DVD of Bambi. I thought I was hearing things but the commercial for the DVD came on several times and proudly announced itself as sponsor of a marathon about serial killers. After showing Thumper they went right back to the guy who surgically removed people’s eyes after cutting their throats.

Continue reading ‘Serial killers. Jello. Coffee.’

What?

Published on February 20, 2011 in Depression and Dissociative Identity Disorder. 0 Comments

I slept most of Saturday away. I feel incredibly sad. Out of nowhere an overwhelming feeling of sadness hits me. I could be at the table painting or just watching TV then suddenly sadness hit me and nearly doubles me over.  Just as quickly as the emotion comes it leaves. No tears, just a rush of near crippling sadness. I have no idea why. It feels like I want to cry but it doesn’t come out.

Continue reading ‘What?’

Age Nine

Published on February 17, 2011 in Abuse, Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Female Sadist, PTSD, Therapy and Trust. 3 Comments

Today is the first time I’ve seen my therapist flinch.

I had my first full pap-smear at age nine. When the doctor was finished he asked me a few questions with my mother standing beside me. The doctor put his hands on my knees, leaned in and said, “Is anyone touching you?” He asked about a long hair he found. He asked if I’ve ever inserted a drinking straw into myself or a pencil. I said no. What a strange question, a straw, a pencil? Strange I thought. Before I left he told the mother I was one of the most polite little girl’s he’d ever met.

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Sisterly Love

Published on February 15, 2011 in Art Therapy, Grief Sadness Loss and Therapy. 0 Comments

Despair – its a lost cause to ever hope I’ll have my sister in my life.
Longing – longing the way Joan longs for Maureen.
I feel tormented. The very thought of her is a stab directly to my heart.
I feel like a fool. She says everything was okay at home. To her I’m a liar. To be hated by someone I love is like carrying a boulder across the desert. Its a pointless, fruitless and painfully exhausting trek.
I feel helpless because I can’t make her see that I’m not the person my mother says I am. Helplessness makes me feel angry.
I feel alone. I feel like a failure. I feel trapped by the need I have for my sister. Overall I feel anguished.

I feel ignored and worthless. To know this woman dislikes me so much is painful. To know she could look right through me or look at me and see me as nothing is painful. Continue reading ‘Sisterly Love’