Monthly Archive for February, 2011

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Randomness before bed

Published on February 15, 2011 in Anxiety. 0 Comments

I’m tired and should have been in bed hours ago but once again I’m putting it off. My dreams have been manageable, nothing horrific but I still don’t want to sleep.

After therapy I came home and unplugged the telephone. I didn’t want to hear from anyone. I wanted to take a nap but that never happened. I sketched, ate a bit and paced. It seems I hardly ever sit at home. I’m up doing something. Even when I paint I get up and move around then go back to painting. Sometimes I stand up while drawing, other times I move from chair to chair. I just keep moving.

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Little Brother

Published on February 14, 2011 in Depression and Grief Sadness Loss. 0 Comments

Today my brother turns 26 years old but I haven’t seen him since he was three.

I’m sad. I have a few memories of him but more than that I have a strong emotional response when thinking of him.

I can barely picture his face back then but I remember laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat. What I remember the most is when CPS took him I thought it would kill me, I thought the pain of losing him would kill me.

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Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist

Published on February 13, 2011 in For the Record. 0 Comments

They say I’m an eagle, I say I’m a sparrow.

I’m not wise, I’m a wanderer in search of self who happens to pick up a little knowledge along the way. My waters run deep but they don’t seem to really go anywhere. Continue reading ‘Blogthings: Cheaper Than a Therapist’

All The Many Reasons

Published on February 13, 2011 in Abuse, Art Therapy, Emotional abuse, Grief Sadness Loss, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

There are a ton of reasons for why the story about killing my mother was written. To try and explain them all would be too hard and take too long but I was able to sketch a few key reasons for my anger and the grief over the situation. This is a two page spread expressing one major emotion: grief.

The very first picture is about watching my mother hurt by her own family, particularly her mother. Continue reading ‘All The Many Reasons’

I’m Too Old For This

Published on February 10, 2011 in Pets. 0 Comments

I just spent 30 min chasing this rascal out in the cold.

Yesterday evening, late yesterday evening he was brought to me. As we walked in the house I fell flat on my back with him in my arms then today I chased him for 30 min. He’s cute but I’m so happy he’s being adopted Monday. I’m too old for this shit.

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Murder is a lot of work

Published on February 7, 2011 in Abuse, Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Female Sadist, Mental Health and PTSD. 3 Comments Tags: .

I spent my entire therapy session today talking about how much my mother should suffer for what she’s done.

I want her to never walk again and be totally dependent on someone else. I want her to have a feeding tube and never taste food again. No freedom, no joy. I want her hair to fall out and for her to weight 500 pounds. I want her bed ridden with bed soars and big black bags under her eyes. I want her bones to ache. Every tiny bone should ache with no end to the pain in sight. I want her eye sight to fail allowing her to only see shadows. I want her locked in a small, dark room with loud techno music and no heat. She should sit naked in her own filth. No dementia, I want her fully aware that she’s suffering.

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dave chappelle

Published on February 6, 2011 in Mental Health. 0 Comments

Dave Chappelle

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy, it’s dismissive, “I don’t understand this person, so they’re crazy” – that’s bullshit. These people are not crazy, they’re strong people, maybe their environment is a little sick.