Monthly Archive for March, 2011

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This Old House – A Hoarders Life Pt1

Published on March 23, 2011 in Mental Health, Relationships, Segments and Trust. 2 Comments

I wrote Senior a short letter and told him despite the fact that I’ve never said it, I appreciate him as a person and love him as a father figure. I told him I’m making changes out of concern for us all and that when I do I won’t toss his personal belongings away.

Do I think he needs to keep every single solitary flyer from every single solitary park he’s been to? Nope I don’t, but I didn’t throw them away. I picked them up off the floor and put them in a shoe box standing up. He can still see his flyers, they’re just not on the floor anymore.

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This Old House – A Hoarders Life Pt2

Published on March 23, 2011 in Mental Health, Relationships, Segments and Trust. 1 Comment

So far two people have asked if I’m getting paid to get and keep Senior’s house in order. No, I’m not getting money for this but I am getting paid in various ways.

I get free basic auto maintenance like oil changes, fluid refills and instillation of small parts like wiper blades and such. I don’t pay to have my brakes done or pay to have other work done that Junior can do for me. Either Senior or Junior clear my car of snow and warm it up during the winter. When the car breaks down and its something they can’t do Senior, without asking, offers up his credit card and allows me to make payments. When the pooch needs to go to the vet I’m allowed to take that off my rent and make payments on that. When I had surgery the other day it was Senior who called twice to wake me up so I could take the dog out. When I went out with a new girl he offered me a twenty spot for cab money so I could get back safely. I never asked for that but he offered it. And yeah, he stayed up until I got home. He takes no issue with me using alternative means to deal with Lupus and DJD pain.

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Stuff goin’ on

Published on March 22, 2011 in Art, For the Record, Soapbox and Stupid People. 2 Comments Tags: .

I have another dental appointment tomorrow.

I’m totally behind on blogs and emails but I’m somehow keeping up with orders as well as making a few extra dolls and two new clay sculptures. One doll has been posted on my blog, others will follow shortly. Yasmine, bag holder doll.

Now, onto not so creative stuff.

When crap hits the fan one should hope the fan is on low. Continue reading ‘Stuff goin’ on’

Gustave

Published on March 19, 2011 in Pets. 3 Comments

I though Gus was allergic to himself but it turns out he’s actually allergic to everything except himself. Let him eat something tossed in the yard by a neighbor and its over for him, rash, itching, unhappy dog. Laugh if you will, I think he’s also allergic to the cat. Heck, I’m allergic to cats but I never dreamed dogs could be allergic to them.

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Dude, Why All The Negative Energy?

Published on March 15, 2011 in Gratitude Journal, Medical and PTSD. 5 Comments

I took the two pills prescribed by my dentist and got in the car to go to the appointment.  Stuffed securely in my pocket was my travel doll who offered soft, quiet support. In the front of my mind was how important it was to go through with this appointment and get this jaw bone dealt with. I was scared, no two ways about it, I was scared.

When my ride and I showed up the place was dark, so dark we wondered if anyone was coming. The sign on the door said they didn’t open until 9am but we had an 8am appointment. Soon it was 8:05am and the lights came on, someone unlocked the door and it was on. They reserve an appointment before the office opens for those of us who can’t handle much. I was ever so grateful to have the full staff there but a totally empty doctor’s office. For a full hour I was the only patient in the building. I was so grateful for that.

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Five Minutes

Published on March 14, 2011 in Anger, Anxiety, Emotions, Relationships and Therapy. 0 Comments

I told him how I was feeling about him changing the subject from feeling hollow to showcasing my art. He said most artists he’s known want to showcase their work. I told him the point was that I was on one subject and he changed it. He said he just wanted to explore my thoughts on it. I told him I was trying to explore my thoughts on the piece I brought in. He asked if I felt he wasn’t listening for 5 min or for 45 minutes. I told him that makes me think I shouldn’t feel upset about him taking 5 min away from something important. It wasn’t just five minutes, it was another example of not getting the basics in therapy. It’s another example of him wanting me to downplay his fuck ups. Was it 5 min or 45 min? The time frame doesn’t matter but the subject does.

We talked about it for most of the session today. I didn’t take that letter in because it wasn’t ready, not even close. I did want to talk to him about feeling as if he wasn’t paying attention to an important issue. I wanted to know if he understood why I was upset. He said he heard me on the issue. I said there’s a difference between saying you hear me and you get it. He said he gets it.

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Fix This

Published on March 14, 2011 in Anger, Depression and Therapy. 3 Comments

Disclaimer: This letter isn’t to be given to the therapist. It’s an all out screaming, pissed off, no holds barred, what the hell is wrong with you type entry. It’ll be strongly edited before he reads it but I still wanted to be able to say stuff as it is before I say it with less fire. There won’t be sugar coatings but some of this isn’t needed to get my point across to him. Also, Dr. D doesn’t read my blog so no passive aggression can be taken from this.

Dr. D,

Here we are again, in the same spot we were in a few months ago only this time something other than depression is gnawing at me. I once again feel as if you’ve missed the point and I don’t feel it should be up to me to always stop and go, hey, did you hear me? So, as I write this letter I do so with … bitterness really because somehow I feel this will come back on me and be my fault. Why didn’t I press you more, why didn’t I keep bringing it up? So, my head is everywhere but mostly its set on feeling as if I have very limited therapeutic support.

Continue reading ‘Fix This’