Monthly Archive for April, 2011

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Relieved. Job. New Friends

Published on April 14, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Mental Health and Therapy. 0 Comments

I’m relieved that therapy is over for the week. We talked about the dream I had where people were killed by fire and with a baseball bat. I hate my dreams!!!

As I walked into therapy today I passed a woman holding a little leather belt as she threatened 3 toddlers who skipped in front of her. She was pregnant with yet another child! Why are stupid people so fertile?
My mother used to keep her “stick” out in the open to keep my sister and me afraid.
Therapy was too hard. That dream was too hard. I’m happy its over for the week.
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Private Island

Published on April 13, 2011 in Relationships and Stupid People. 2 Comments Tags: , .

Junior: If I’m ever super rich I’m going to buy and island and live on it and forget all the motherfuckers around me.

Me: If you buy and island and live alone, who will you blame your problems on?

I sometimes have very little patience for this man. What I said to him above was said after a good long rant/rave session about his hatred for religion. I have no idea why but today was his day to rant about Mormons and the Amish. The Amish? Seriously? What did they ever do to you and how could a group of Amish people and their dealings turn you against God? Man, you have issues. I get why he’s upset with Mormons but it doesn’t mean he needs to hate all bicycle riding guys in blue suits. Give me a break. You don’t know those people from jack! No man, good or bad, can take away my belief in my Creator. I also have no need to force anyone to believe as I do or think as I do so why is it that he, an atheist, insists upon shoving his hatred down my throat? Shoving hatred down my throat…. isn’t that what he accuses Christians of, shoving their beliefs down his throat? Funny how I never asked him jack crap about religion but it came up hot!

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Dream: Focus and Move Forward

Published on April 11, 2011 in Dreams and PTSD. 1 Comment Tags: .

I hate when stuff is always my fault… or when it feels like its always my fault. This morning I woke from a dream where I was on top of a sky scraper with two friends who wanted to sky dive off the top. We’d all gone up there for that purpose but once up there I chickened out. Once I did that all three of our parachutes disappeared and we were stranded up there with no way down but to scale the building.

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Six Ways to Sunday

Published on April 10, 2011 in Fear, Mental Health and PTSD. 3 Comments

I got a call today from Soup saying that she spoke with the owner of the cat rescue and they would like to offer me a paid position. That’s some scary crap right there.

I love what I do. I absolutely love it and of course I accepted it but … but, I’m out of my mind. I’m wacked  6 ways to Sunday and I know it, and it scares me to think someone else might know it and see it. It’s one thing to be out-cha-damn mind at home but in the presence of others is a whole different ball game. I guess I won’t see people that much. I’ll deliver cats and take them to get fixed, still I’ll need to be a bit more grounded more often.

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Kittens and Puppy Mill Rescues

Published on April 9, 2011 in Abuse, Pets and PTSD. 4 Comments Tags: , .

The little premature kittens born on the 6th have been able to join a healthy litter with a nursing mother. The new mother had 4 healthy babies and has accepted the premature orphans. It’s a wonderful thing to see one cat pick up and take on motherhood when another cat wasn’t able to. Nature is a beautiful thing. The new mother lifted the babies into her box, cleaned and suckled them as her own. It was wonderful.

Tomorrow afternoon I’ll begin to foster a 6 year old Yorkie named Felicity. She was one of 90 Yorkshire Terriers removed from a puppy mill in Missouri in 2009. She’s come a long way since then. When she was first removed she was in terrible condition but she’s a survivor, a wonderful girl about to spend time with me.

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Dream: Senseless Killings

Published on April 8, 2011 in Dreams, Emotions, Fear, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

Tuesday morning I woke up screaming from a dream about killing homeless people. My mother moved us to an abandoned building where several homeless individuals and families slept at night. The problem with the building was that it was always a target for thrill kills. A white man told my mother to impress upon my sister and myself to never, ever open the door or windows at night. No matter what, never answer the door. He closed it behind him, my mother locked it. A little while later there was a knock at the door. My mother got up and approached. She was wearing white pants and a white shirt. Once she got up and turned the light on I could see that we were in a red room with a white door and white trim. The floor was even red but the covers were soft yellow covering white floor mats.

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Four Precious Souls

Published on April 7, 2011 in Gratitude Journal and Pets. 2 Comments Tags: , .

I woke today with Mary Jane at my feet. It was good to see her there. Despite the fact that this is the second night in a row I’ve awakened screaming I still just got up and started moving as if the night wasn’t horrible. I don’t know, I just felt good is all, I’m sure the change in weather has something to do with it. Man I love spring!

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