In therapy we talked about feeling as if I’m still holding on by a thread. I still feel frazzled and worn out. I feel as if I’m walking 6 inches above the ground and like it’ll be forever before my feet touch it again. We talked about how the intensity of the situation a few days ago may be over for them but for me Junior’s intensity has caused emotional fall out. I can’t let myself think about if they know I’m still upset or let myself worry about the possible “let it go” remarks. What I know is this, the minute he put his foot in my door I changed!
Monthly Archive for June, 2011
Page 2 of 3
She’d talk to me and tell me what she wanted to do to me. She’d talk for an hour or longer. I’d think to myself, “Shut up already. Just shut up.”
I’m not sure why she ran her mouth so much but she did. She did, and she knew exactly how to make me feel like nothing.
It seemed to take forever for her to reach the point of arousal that made her get up from the bed next to mine and make me wish I was dead.
For me the rain is dreary for Lea its time to play and splash about.
The water is receading quickly, which is a shock to me, it usually stays for day. It’s about half where it was just a few short hours ago. I figure Lea had her fun but then it was time for a nice soapy bath and a nap. She’s wrapped in her blanket and tucked in her crate snoring her little heart out. She’s my favorite little wet rat.
The water in my yard is so high that is reaches half the tire and nearly the top of two five gallon buckets sitting under my garden table. A few more minutes of rainfall and it’ll reach the bumper as well as the seat on the picnic table.
I don’t have issues with eating alone, as a matter of fact I’m the type that will go out to a nice restaurant and eat alone. I don’t have a problem with my own company in that way but is seems in recent times I’ve had a hard time eating anything at all.
Here lately my meals have been hit and miss. I go the entire day without eating a single bite then think, I should make something. It doesn’t happen and I got to bed without one meal. Since days would go by without a proper meal I started offering Junior a home cooked meal. I’d cook, eat what I wanted and leave him the rest. I’d eat back here and he’d eat in his room, but at least I had motivation to cook.
I feel a little daft right now.
I know when I see poison oak but I don’t right off recognize poison ivy and I’ve never heard of poison sumac until of course I had to know. (sigh) It seems that two days ago when I went outside and cleared stuff off my fence line I cleared 2 out of three of these plants. Figures huh? Two of the youngest kids next door have it as well. We share a fence. Not good.
The few YouTube videos I’ve seen tell me I’d cry like a baby if I watched One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest. I’ve never seen it and since it was mentioned during my visit I figured I’d look it up. There was one video called At Least I Tried where about 3.5 min in a Native American guy drew me to tears.
The first part of the scene Jack Nicholson tries to lift a marble water fountain with no success. When he turned to leave the area he told the other clients, “At least I tried.” The next part of the video shows a Naive man doing what was considered impossible. He lifted a marble drinking fountain off its foundation, walked through the hospital, put it threw a window and took his freedom. As I said, I’ve not seen the entire movie so I have no clue what happened to him after he left, don’t want to either.
RECENT COMMENTS