Monthly Archive for July, 2011

The Little Girl Next Door

Published on July 27, 2011 in Abuse, PTSD, Secrets and Confessions and Therapy. 0 Comments

I realize I still have issues with identifying with the aggressor but this here crept up on me and caught me off guard. It lets me know more work needs to be done on retraining my thought processes as it relates to my abuse and abusers.

I heard of a little girl who missed the school bus and tried to go back home but wasn’t allowed inside the house. She tried to call her stepfather who was home but he wouldn’t answer the phone so she called her mother at work who told her to walk in the snow to school. My friend gave the little girl a ride. Despite the fact that this happened years ago there was still a measure of disgust in her voice. She couldn’t believe how the little one was treated. I was shocked too, but more so at the little girl than at her parents.

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Enough to Make a Difference

Published on July 27, 2011 in For the Record and Medical. 1 Comment

I’ve known Grace for more than 10 years now but I’ve never met her face to face. Before her house burned down maybe 3 years ago, we talked every other day, now it’s about once a week. A fire that destroyed everything has taken up a lot of her time. Rebuilding has been difficult at best. Anyway though, it amazes me how much we think alike. Sometimes it amazes me but other times it freaks me out.

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Murder Theory

Published on July 26, 2011 in Humor and Therapy. 0 Comments

 Murder Theory-Tuesday, July 26, 2011-3:21pm EST

I saw my nurse practitioner yesterday. This is the woman I’m not entirely a fan of but because of the convenient location I continue to see her. She’s the one who asked me if I have a problem with her because she’s straight and white. Why do I care who she’s sleeping with or what color she is? I’m just not a fan, period.

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Last Light

Published on July 20, 2011 in Emotional abuse, Fear, Female Sadist, Mental Health and PTSD. 0 Comments

After watching Seven Pounds I was pissed so I popped in yet another depressing movie called Last Light. It’s with Forest Whitaker (a prison guard) and Kiefer Sutherland (death row inmate.) Kiefer plays a guy who at age 16 stole food and ended up going to juvenile hall where he killed an older boy. Rape was implied. He then went to prison where he killed his cell mate. Rape was implied. The next person he killed was a prison guard who was sent in to him as a joke. He ended up cutting his throat ear to ear. Kiefer was sentenced to execution for that.

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On Suicide and Seven Pounds

Published on July 20, 2011 in Depression, Emotions, Mental Health and Trust. 0 Comments Tags: .

Disclaimer: My comments here are about the movie and my experiences. In this entry I don’t provide information on what a suicidal person should do or what friends should do for a person who is suicidal. All I discuss is the movie and how it relates to particular experiences I had. I can’t possibly cover all my bases on the subject of suicide so I’m sticking to a very narrow discussion.

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Hearts in the Bath Tub

Published on July 20, 2011 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Fear, Grief Sadness Loss, Love and Relationships. 0 Comments Tags: .

The waiting, the eventuality of it must be ……………. I don’t know what words to put there. The personal responsibility for saving the suicidal person has to be heavy.

 I felt personally responsible for keeping my mother alive. She talked a lot about killing herself, especially when I was younger. As I got older it was much less about killing herself and more about abandoning us kids. She said she was tired of me and my sister fighting, tired of everything. She said one day she was going to go in the restroom and kill herself. I used to cut out little hearts from construction paper and tape them to the walls in her shower. I hoped she’s see them and know I loved her and it would change her mind, give her a reason to live. It went like that again and again. Threats of suicide, paper hearts, handmade cards, a life saved, a child robbed.  

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An Alternative to Pepper Spray

Published on July 20, 2011 in For the Record. 0 Comments Tags: , .

Today my legal council explained to me that when fighting off an attacker there is an alternative to pepper spray. She said the first down side to pepper spray is that it’s often accidentally sprayed in your own face instead of the attacker’s. Even when sprayed forward it can fly back in your own face hindering escape. Today I was told that a good alternative to pepper spray is wasp spray. Wasp spray has a more direct hit and unlike pepper spray, wasp spray requires medical assistance to be removed.

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