Monthly Archive for August, 2011

Dream Therapy: Sister Dies Rewrite

Published on August 22, 2011 in Dream Therapy, Dreams, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Mental Health and PTSD. 0 Comments Tags: , .

In dream therapy you re-write your dream/nightmare so that it has an ending you can live with. The dream I had the other night about my sister had an ending I can’t live with so I’m going to do a creative writing kind of dream re-write. The original dream is here.

It had only been one hour since the University announced immediate evacuation to safeguard students from the fast approaching blizzard, yet the place was deserted. Students and Faculty abandoned the school with speed and fury leaving silence eerily dangling in darkened hallways….Scratch that! Let’s go lighter and skip past the packed cab leaving us behind. We’ll go right to the part where my sister and I are alone in the school.

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Cheap Wine

Published on August 22, 2011 in For the Record and Humor. 2 Comments

I’ve been eating so much better lately. For a bit there I skipped meals left and right or simply forgot. I never understood how someone could go the whole day and forget to eat but I’ve done it repeatedly. I think I forget because I’m paying attention to everything else or I’m wrapped up in one thing and overlook hunger. Time flies by and meals are missed. I used to laugh at the joke about how only skinny girls forget to eat but that’s not true, “women of size” forget as well. I’m not just a big girl; I’m a woman of size, thank you very much!

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Womanchild in a Fairy Tale

Published on August 22, 2011 in Relationships and Secrets and Confessions. 1 Comment Tags: , .

A crush is so much harder than sex. Sex is easy, mindless almost, but a crush is hard work and complicated. It leaves me feeling vulnerable, less in control than I’d like to be.

Cowboi showed up in a white dress shirt, black slacks, black socks and black shoes. She had her hair spiked and looked totally awesome! Back to the shoes. I mentioned the color of her socks because that’s kind of important. Had she worn brown socks or God forbid, white socks that would have spoken volumes to me. I was truly pleased to see clean, black socks with nice, clean black shoes.

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Disturbed

Published on August 17, 2011 in Anger, Anxiety, Art, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fear and PTSD. 0 Comments

The main thing I’ve felt this week is disturbed. I don’t know how to describe it other than disturbed. Dr. D and I briefly discussed hospitalization but I don’t want to do that again, especially so soon.

There’s been a lot of yelling, a lot of anger and anguish inside. We’re not right and I know it but I don’t want to spend my 40th birthday in the hospital. So I’ll keep throwing paint around, piling markers on top of crayons and tossing oil in with water colors. I’ll keep doing what I do without concern for if it looks right. It feels better when I paint. I wish I could sit down and read a bit but I’m a bit too anxious for that. I’ll just keep painting and maybe I’ll find balance somewhere.

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Dream: Sister Risks

Published on August 17, 2011 in Anxiety, Dreams, Love and PTSD. 0 Comments

We were at the university very late waiting for a cab to go home. The university was closing, evacuating and this was the last cab out. A neighbor jumped in the cab with several other people and I convinced the driver to let me go as well since I live next door to one of his passengers. He said okay. I jumped in thinking my sister may have caught another cab or something. I hoped we’d be able to pull away without seeing her pop up in the door. I wanted to believe she’d gotten a ride home. When I saw her in the door I told the guy to stop the cab and let me out because I couldn’t just leave her there. I got out and went inside and told my sister there wasn’t enough room for us both. She was pissed that others got what she called ‘her cab’. She insisted that cab was called for her and he maliciously left her behind to take other passengers home. In order to prove that he was trying to avoid her and leave her she went outside, got on top of a sky scraper and surveyed the area below to find this driver. When she saw a cab circling the university she accused him of trying to confuse her or escape without getting caught by her.

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Compilation

Published on August 17, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Dreams and Grief Sadness Loss. 0 Comments

I didn’t realize I’d been here a month and a half. I thought I’d only been here about two weeks. Where has the time gone? What did I do or in some cases who did I do? In the time missed I failed to pay my light bill. I have to do that today.

I don’t feel right. Dr. D and I talked about not recognizing my surroundings. I did that atFife’s house too. I sorta recognized my things but it just didn’t click. I still felt like I didn’t know the place or that I didn’t know where I was. I hate that.

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Crayola World

Published on August 17, 2011 in For the Record. 1 Comment

August is the month when I stock up for the year on art supplies. Because kids are going back to school the prices drop low which means I can actually afford to stock up. When I say low I mean low. There’s one really good multi-use medium that usually goes for $9 that I got for 49cents. Low… like near stealing kinda low.

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