There are a few major things that came up when I started asking questions about possible stressors that could have added to the intensity of this flare up.
The first thing I thought about was anxiety and depression as part of the emotional process of moving.
The second thing that came to mind is how I’m sitting at my chair. I sit in this chair more now that I have the internet. I think this increase of “sittin’ wrong” may be a contributing factor to this flare up. I’m going to work on getting an office chair. I also need to make sure the monitor is straight ahead as is my chair and keyboard. This way my body is straight ahead and not oddly twisted. I shouldn’t cross my legs or feet while sitting at the desk and I should take frequent breaks. I think I can do that.
The third thing I thought of was that about a month ago it became apparent that we no longer have a specific alter named Joan. The process, as I understand it was gradual, nothing spectacular. It was about a month ago that I said out loud, “I have one less personality”. I suppose hearing that could take a person back a step or two.
The fourth and final thing I could think of is connected to the blog. I didn’t know how to say that Joan integrated. I didn’t know if I’d have people analyzing the hell out of it to find some flaw or inconsistency then they call me a liar. I didn’t want to feel as if I had to prove anything. Note: I should ask myself how my integration could be so important to others as to cause a chain of terribly critical and judgmental events? There is no panel out there critiquing all my journal entries so as to point out my flaws and failings. There is no panel!
Basically, there have been quite a few stressors that could have added to the intensity of this Lupus and Fibromyalgia flare up.
Faith
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