I have a pretty low tolerance for most outside stimuli right now. I went to see my pdoc for our regular appointment but when I got in the room I became really anxious and told her I wanted to go home. I was there for a whole 5 min because being closed up in that room … with her….was a bit much.
In the last few months Ariel has been out a lot more and does not tolerate the public much at all. It would be very nice to figure out how to talk to her and get her to stay at home and not pop out in public.
It seems after Joan’s integration it’s a free for all with switching. In this free for all I’ve seen a lot more timid, tearful, high anxiety, low tolerance for stimuli alters. Break downs are going to happen. My head is mushy and my attention span is much shorter than before. It takes effort to hold a conversation and time to recover emotionally after one.
I know this is a time of transition, of change, so I will not beat myself up over silently spilled tears at the grocery store or rocking uncontrollably at the pdoc’s office then all but jumping out of the cab before it stopped. I just wanted to be at home. I’m here now and the anxiety is nearly the same. At least I’m at home………..
I see Dr. D Tuesday and Wednesday.
I haven’t been to journals lately. I hardly ever remember to go anymore. I do care how people are doing.
I’m still drawing and painting, still sewing and stuff. I need to photograph everything.