I came home Friday afternoon and walked up the way with Betty. As we walked to the door, my drunk drag queen neighbor rushed up and flashed us. It wasn’t bad enough that she pulled up her shirt, no, she had to jiggle and make this “woot, woot” sound.
I do not think this is funny in the slightest little bit. I’m not happy at all about it. It’s one thing for the Queen to do something like that to me, its a different story when she prances up to me a 66 year old woman she doesn’t know from Adam and flashes herself.
That was Friday, Sunday was a whole different story. Betty and I were talking about the Queen and her sister. I said that his sister killed herself. When I said it I immediately began to tear up and didn’t stop for some time. It almost felt as if I were crying another alter’s tears. There was no sound, no real obvious distress, just a steady stream of tears flowing down my face. I thought I’d be able to quickly gather myself but that didn’t happen. The tears just get coming.
I felt so stupid crying like that. I don’t want to be an emotional burden to them and I don’t want to always be the crazy one in the group. There are so many things I don’t want to be ………….. sometimes it feels as if there are few things that I am.
I figured T’s suicide would be easier to manage by now. I didn’t think it would still hurt this bad. I go back and forth between understanding and rage, between acceptance and being flat out stunned! It doesn’t even seem possible that this girl is dead.
I’m done with that for tonight…………..
Next Friday I’m going to Ohio with Fred and Betty. I’m looking forward to it.