My physical therapist took me out for a walk the other day. For the first time I realized just how long my street is. It’s long and has a lot of over hanging trees. As I walked I thought to myself, I could walk forever. I wish I could keep walking and never look behind me.
I used to do that kind of running away when I was younger. I’d run as fast as I could across a field, up a hill to the tracks then I ran down the railroad tracks until I was too tired to run any more. After that I sat on the tracks exhausted. I never looked back at the house, never looked behind me to see how far I’d come. I just sat there…………
I’m aware that when I want to pick up and leave that there’s an issue or two. I see my need to run as a symptom, a red flag telling me to be careful right now because I’m raw.
I can’t leave what I want to leave behind.
Sometimes there are flashes of anger that cripple me, other times depression binds up my head and heart until all I want to do is fall to my knees, grit my teeth, hold my belly and rock back and forth. Please stop. My mind hurts and I need it to stop.
i ran away once… for 9 years… then i came home and found that all the same people, problems, troubles, issues, and joys were still here waiting for me
glad you’re out walking…
I don’t run anymore. At least I know when I want to run I should pay attention to my emotions and try to see what it is that I want to run from.
I want to be grounded for growth. I cant do that if I run away.
I do at least know to pay attention to my personal red flags (symptoms). Wanting to run is a symptom of a problem, not the solution. Thank goodness I’ve grown enough to see it as such.
I still like the part of outdistancing self from troubles. I don’t think people should run away from their problems, but certainly running in itself might be medicinal? Trying to think that a show of strength and intention would be good.
Our best,
Anns
I think taking a break (distancing yourself) to recharge is a good thing. Putting issues on the back burner to address later is a good thing. I think it shows strength as well. If a person knows they are not in a position to deal with it at that time then it might be good to put it on the back burner for a little while. But sometimes the back burner is too full already.
As a kid I ran up and down that hill because it was healing to do so, but I knew I had to go back because I didn’t have a choice. As an adult when I run (take a break and recharge) I know that I have choices upon my return.
Thank you for your comment Ann