It was an interesting session today, one where I played therapist and she played the role of the perfect vulnerable woman ready and willing to swoop in where ever possible and spread around a little cash in exchange for me keeping her around. I’ve been in therapy long enough to know ‘who’ this woman is and why she did what she did and said what she said. Please keep in mind that there is a lot of information missing from this entry. I’ve done it that way for her privacy reasons but I want to say enough to make my point as to why I’m nervous.
Today my psych nurse purchased a doll which might be okay if it weren’t for other things. She also purchased/adopted two baby frogs which she over payed for. She purchased them as a gift for a young child client and his father. Then she GAVE me a brand new expensive filter for my fish tank. If that wasn’t red flag enough, here’s more.
She asked, why do people think I’m gay? That was the question my psych nurse asked me today and a conversation I repeated to Kathryn. Yes, Kathryn, this has to be on the blog.
Okay, so when my psych nurse asked why people think she’s gay I started not to answer it. Sort of out of annoyance I did. She’s straight but she screams gay. My gay-dar doesn’t go off when I see her but what she wears, how she carries herself all screams gay. It’s primarily the amount of attention she spends making sure all the details of her mismatched outfit are in order. She leaves no mismatched stone un-turned. She is overly feminine to the point of it appearing fake. AND she’s got a black news boy cap that shows her wispy bangs. Everyone knows bangs scream lesbian.
Kathryn decided to argue the point about how she’s worn bangs since she was a child. I had to inform Kathryn that even though she’s not gay bangs in general SCREAM lesbian. This is not my fault. This is just how it is. I didn’t make the rules. Bangs are gay……So anyway, after Kathryn wept a little then gathered herself from this life changing news, I continued on.
My psych nurse says she’s been told if she wore a red wig she could be a Barbara Streisand look a-like. Uh, GAY!
Writing this doesn’t explain what I mean very well because there’s a gay part to this I’ve left out. Sorry. I needed to.
Back to the look, overall her look and her willingness to over share with those details is what makes people think she’s gay…that and the bangs. I then said to her, I bet even your shoes have details on them. She said, no these, these are just cowboy boots. The woman pulled up the leg of her scrubs to expose black bottom cowboy boots with pink tops. I laughed out loud. “Are you serious? You don’t know why people think you’re gay? Pink studded cowboy boots, girl stop!” ………She’s like the female version of Liberachi with all the rings on her fingers and the amount of detail put in to each and every outfit.
It’s the strict attention to eccentric details, in your face clothing and pink boots. Its the news boy cap and of course the bangs. She’s overly feminine almost in a false way, and that is what makes people think she’s gay. She’s overly fem in almost a false way. Yeah, she’s straight but the girl is flying colors.
Now for the non-lesbian bangs and pink boots stuff: After my psych nurse left I began to feel a bit uneasy about some of the things we discussed that are not mentioned in this entry. Again, I have left out major things because its just not right to put it in here, but, what she told me tells me ‘who’ this individual is and that I need to be on my toes.
We pretty much had a therapy session where I was her therapist telling her she’s worthy, doesn’t have to settle for this type of thing, that her choice in men are a pattern, etc, etc. Yeah, it was that personal. I have to watch this because I know I’ll kick in to that mode where I’m supportive to the point of rescuing her. She’s vulnerable, and good at it. I don’t want to get sucked in to where my own issues make it difficult to break free.
I’ll be watching very closely how this professional relationship progresses. It needs to stay professional. When she comes here there will be no more tea offered, no more personal info offered that isn’t treatment related, no more conversations about her marriage and children. No gifts…… I’ve left out so, so much in this entry because its necessary to do so, but those omitted details make all the difference between a healthy professional relationship and a potential disaster. I have to set and keep boundaries. I can’t expect her to do it. I have to set and keep boundaries that will quash my rescue response and her clear skill at being vulnerable and used.
I mentioned no more tea because for me that’s a personal thing. I have tea with people I like, with friends, etc. When we’ve had tea, which is twice, I asked if she wanted sugar in it. She said no, ‘everything you do is perfect.’ RED FLAG. Once you throw in the entire story with omitted details my worries may make a lot more sense. Individually these things mean nothing, as a whole they scream RED FLAG.
I got a lot of red flags today. I’ll pay attention to them. If those red flags continue to fly despite clear boundaries then I will request a new psych nurse.