I’ve been lonely

life is harder if you're stupid - stolen from facebook

 You know, the thing is, I’ve been lonely here. I’m pretty much hospitalized at home. I see my doctors, I see some friends that drop by but I’m here a lot without the presence of friends. I rarely get to go to services anymore because I can’t sit that long. I’m lonely and It felt like I needed at least one friend in the building, someone I could go talk to, chat with and get out of my apartment for just a little bit. I felt like I needed one person whose house I could run to just to get out of mine. Since he’s not on some government watch list like EVERYONE else in my building, I figured he’d be a better choice. Also, once he moved in and I realized he’s part of the local aquarium club I belong to then I was Gung ho about hanging with him. The other plus I saw was that I thought he was straight gay.  That’s not the case either.

Of course this so-called friendship had to come to an end. Oh my goodness, the amount of stress caused in such a short period of time is incredible. I’m a high stress person anyway so when you add stupidity to my life I tend to flip the frank out. Life is hard enough; allowing stupid people in your life makes it harder.

I realized today that he doesn’t need to be given a long drawn out explanation for why our ‘friendship’ has come to an end. I don’t need to sit him down and discuss anything. No drawn out explanation is needed. It’s not as if I’m talking to a reasonable person here. This is the man who put six LIVE fish in the garbage disposal because he wanted different fish in his 10 gallon tank. I know he did it. And I figure he told me to shock me, so I had no verbal response at all. Inside I was furious and sick.

Sometimes I’m so appalled by what’s said that there is no response. What do you say when someone, in all seriousness looks at you and complains about the news reporting a mass shooting? The man said he was tired of hearing about the 20 children and 6 teachers killed recently. He said there’s a child here in Indy that starved to death while his parents did drugs. We as a society, as individuals can and will care about both. But sometimes, many times, one death though horrific gets overshadowed by a huge, huge tragedy. The word tragedy is an understatement in this case. We are sorry for all the deaths BUT the truth is, when someone walks in and kills the way it was done it horrifies the mind and heart and leaves it stunned. Yes, it was all over the news as it should have been. Any NORMAL human heart would have broken over that story.

Perhaps its past time for him to be on some government watch list. He is for certain on my ‘go jump off a cliff’ list. If you add such speech and actions along with constantly being reminded of how unattractive I am and how imperfect the female body is then yeah, you get why I’ve felt so torn down. BUT I WAS LONELY and I hoped after getting to know me a little better he’d not be so mean to me. How silly right? But it’s true. I just needed a friend close to home, or thought I did.

The first red flag that he was going to be an ass came when early on he said to me, “You smiled a lot when I first got here so I thought you were going to be like those mild, uneducated Southern women with a big toothy smile.” I said, “Those old Southern women with the big smile had a wonderful understanding of roots, herbs and poisons. Would you like some more tea?” This is the second time in a year a man has boldly offended me with this ‘uneducated, toothy smile, Southern woman’ comment. “I thought you were going to be a Southern woman with that southern drawl whose mild and eats shit from anyone.”

It happens. It happens that I eat shit, it happens that I let people offend me but eventually I come up for air. I’m not sure why it takes so long sometimes but eventually I come up for air. Yeah, walking away from this so-called friendship is the best and safest thing to do. I do not need more stress.

PS. I don’t have an understanding of roots, herbs and poisons.  It was just a come back to a shamefully offensive comment. It is completely safe to have tea at my house. Sherri, please tell me you’ve tried some of the tea I sent you and that you are just fine. It was a comment that had to be made in response to pure stupidity from a man who is a perfect candidate for a government watch list.


2 thoughts on “I’ve been lonely

  1. Sherri

    I have tried some of ALL the teas you sent me… and I am just fine! Most of them were quite delicious and I am enjoying them… the teas are special treats for me! If I lived closer to you, I would come have tea with you as often as you’d let me :)

    I completely understand the desire to have a friend in the building who you could spend time with and enjoy some company. But this man(?)… a man who would shove fish down the disposal because he wanted something else… holy cow!

    He sounds offensive on so many levels that you’d be peeling back the layers of his particular onion for years trying to find something kind. He maybe should be on some sort of government watch list…

  2. Austin Post author

    I just admitted that I implied I poisoned his tea. I figured I needed a real live person whose had tea from my house come and tell them its not true, the tea is just fine.

    I can see Kathryn saying, “Wellllll, I’ll just throw away this here tea Faith sent me.”

    Patchesmany: “I hope to God Faith doesn’t send me tea!”

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