The days are long and tiring but better. I’ll take better.
I’m going through one 9 volt battery a day on my TENS unit. In a few days I’ll have more leads and pads for it. I’ll have 4 electrodes instead of two which will help ease pain.
I have energy in spurts. I pack to move with these energy bursts.
Energy is a precious commodity.
I’ve been less angry about this flare up than other flairs. I’m exhausted, frustrated, ready for this to stop but I feel less anger over my health situation.
I’ve tried to keep in mind that I must not allow myself to give in to desperation. The pain can sometimes make me crazy, leave me spinning and searching for a way out but that way out has to be well thought out and not an act of desperation. Desperate acts lead to regrets which requires damage control.
Part of my brighter out look surely has to do with leaving here.
The medication Baclofen is better managed. I know it makes me hungry as if I have the munchies. The medication makes me feel like I’m starving and can’t get enough to eat. The other day I ate a full meal with a friend then desperately needed her to stop at a fast food restaurant so I could get a sandwich. When I did that I realized a change needed to be made. I need to reason with myself that I feel hungry but since I’ve eaten well there‘s no way I’m as hungry as I feel. I feel this way but I don’t need to eat. This type of extreme hunger lasts for about two hours after taking Baclafen. I remind myself that this will end shortly and I’ll go back to my normal state of being. It’ll end in a time frame I can map out. That’s important to know in order to manage the symptoms. There is an end and I can almost clock it.
Tomorrow is therapy day. I’ll go in and tell Dr. D that he’s right about me being able to assert myself with care providers. I tend to ask for exactly what I need. I spell it out clearly. I need this, this and this. I then stick to it without wavering. I’m not the most flexible person on earth, many can attest to that, but I know what I need. I at least have that going for me. I’ll be able to go in to therapy and tell Dr. D that my stand in doctor finally wrote me the script I asked for. It took some explaining and assertion but it did get written. I asked for a two week supply of a low grade narcotic with no refills. Just because she said no in the beginning doesn’t mean that was the final answer. Non-aggressive persistence with reason proved helpful. To leave me with no real aid is cruel. What I’m asking is reasonable. I’m happy she wrote the script and I’m happy I understand that just because a doctor says no it doesn’t mean it’s the final answer.
I have better days ahead. I have things to look forward to. There are hot cups of tea to be had and pictures to paint. New plants in my aquarium will bloom. I’ll see fish give birth and frogs lay eggs. I’ll listen to my cat purr while lying on my chest. I’ll worship with friend and laugh with them. I have a life outside of Fibromyalgia and Lupus. Sometimes my life seemingly comes to a halt but its still waiting for me, right where I left off so that I can live again.