its not been good at all. emotionally i’m a train wreck but physically i’m fine. i’m on the floor typing this so please excuse typos that don’t get corrected.
i packed this place alone. i had someone here sitting with me which was exactly what i needed, but i packed this place alone. i needed to do it that way. i needed the emotional support of someone just being here. i’m proud of what i did but i’m finding that it was not good enough for some who came to help move me.
i wasn’t fully packed which irritated a good friend of mine, Betty. by the time it came time for everyone to come and get my stuff i was so messed up that my nurse was concerned for me. she called my friend Betty and told her that I needed a day of rest and nothing else. Betty asked 4 times if she could come over and do some things here while i rest. She was told no and wasn’t happy about it. I even told Missy that I couldn’t see her that day. I slept and slept. The next day when it was time for everyone to come here i was even worse so I stayed at Betty’s house while they moved my things.
Betty ended up getting 2 guys to help. I told her that wouldn’t be enough. She insisted it would. Later I told her again it wouldn’t be enough. Today she said, we should have gotten more guys. While I was gone I asked that she leave MJ in the room and don’t let her out. She let her out. I said leave what’s left in the restroom alone, I’ll pack it. She packed it. Betty wanted to go to the other place and do extra cleaning there I said don’t. She did. I called there later, she picked up, I asked her to go ahead and go home. Twenty min later she called to tell me she was done and was going to go home now.
Betty simply dismissed everything I told her. Today while standing in the old apartment together she began talking about all the things that were going wrong with the move, about what she didn’t like about the truck that was rented, about stuff she doesn’t like about the new apartment, etc, etc. I stopped her and said, I got exactly what I prayed for and I got it on time. Everything else is just a detail that can be managed, please just let it go.
That’s exactly what I’m doing too with her dismissing everything I said about the move and about MJ. I’m letting it go. It falls under the ‘manageable details’ category. It doesn’t matter if she doesn’t like my new furniture. I do. She decided to bring things along I said to leave. I have a dumpster out back. The point is, I got my new apartment that I prayed for, everything else is just a tiny snag. All these other things are just muck and details that I could easily get lost in, but I wont because if I allowed it in I’d miss the full significance of what I’ve received.
My regular medical staff will pick up where they left off Monday morning. I’ll have assistance in getting boxes torn down and thrown away. I’ll eventually get my head back and eventually feel more grounded, more sure of things. I have my moments of clarity then moments where I’m confused and frightened and tearful. I have moments…that’s pretty much the size of it….I’ve got moments. I know my head isn’t right. I know I’m not well but in one more day I’ll be in a safe place where I can get better footing on my physical and mental path to recovery.
I’ll be off line at least until Monday morning. They said Sunday morning but we’ll see.