I just need an hour

It’s been in my prayers to remember when Tuesday arrives. I’ve got a friend who will call me and let me know that it’s Tuesday. It can’t get past me.

You know, I hate this. I hate not remembering what day it is and having such a hard time with time. I hate it.

I’m almost afraid to go to sleep but if I don’t I’ll be so tired I can’t stand it then I may miss it anyway. I just need to be here, present at 9 pm. I only need one hour of clarity. I need one hour of manageable pain. It hurts to stand. It hurts to sit and lie down. It just hurts, but from 9pm to 10pm I just need to be able to handle the pain. I need one hour where my head is where it should be, where I don’t  have to struggle to hear the person next to me speak. I need an hour where I’m not rocking back and forth.  I need one hour without Lupus, Fibromyalgia or Multiple Personality Disorder. I just need an hour.

Tomorrow/today we’ll start off with a visit from the doctor who will surely want to see the ‘damage’ done from a few days ago. She’ll be here at 8:30 am. Seriously? At least there is no travel time. There’s no wait in the office while listening to a super loud TV set to Nancy Grace. No screaming children who were surely given sugar pills before they left home and no patients telling me wayyyy too much about their bowel movements. Nope, none of that. As a matter of fact I’ll be in PJ’s in my own living room with zero wait time and zero hyper kids and without the super irritating voice of Nancy “please shut up cause you don’t know what your’e talkin’ about’ Grace.  This is the only way I can do an 8:30 am appointment. If I have to hear about another stranger’s butt exam I’ll scream. I’ll do it, I’ll scream!

After the doc visits at dark thirty I’ll see the physical therapist at 3pm. He can’t work me too hard because I have to be somewhere at 9pm. We’ll have to talk about that when he gets here. What can we do to make that one hour bearable?

My toaster oven just went off which means an art piece has finished drying on a super low heat setting. The art piece is done, but I’ve not eaten anything. I didn’t eat yesterday. I think I’d like some toast with peanut butter and honey.

I’m going to set my alarm clock for 6:30 pm. That should be enough time for me to get myself together and walk out of the house. I just have to know why on earth the alarm clock is going off. Come on head, I need you half way together tomorrow. Just for a little while I need to know what time it is and what day it is and why.

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