On asking for help

Relationships: Right now most of them are in tact, well, all but one is doing just fine. Of course I worry about wearing my friends out with my physical and emotional needs but they are true and WANT to help. I was told that they like to feel useful. I appreciate them and they know it. Betty and her sister Snow tell me that if I need anything to let them know. I don’t like to ask for things but from time to time there is a need that requires their attention.

I hate asking for things.

Betty and Snow know I’m suicidal. They know the seriousness of that and don’t take it lightly. They have been of great support as have others from the congregation. I though I might call one of the elders and talk to him for further support. I just can’t shake the feeling of being done.

At the pain specialist’s office the staff came out to the waiting room and said, “I’m looking for the mother of Faith Austin.” Betty stood up and said, “That’s me.” Later they came out and said, “I’m looking for the family of Faith Austin.” Snow and Betty said, “That’s us.” :-)  I have a family! I really do.

Tonight she talked to me about a few people in the Bible that had it as hard if not harder than me. She said to look them up and see how they were able to endure their situation. She wasn’t minimizing my situation, she wanted me to look up others who felt like they were in rough seas and about to drown. She wanted me to look and see how they expressed their grief, how human they were in their responses to tragic events. She wanted me to see them as human and be able to relate to their tears and their hardships as well as their ability to see it to its natural conclusion.

The apostle Paul. The prophet Jeremiah, Jonah, Moses, on and on these people had hardships above and beyond normal and they responded in human ways. She reminded me that even Job begged Jehovah to let him die, to relieve him of his physical pain, let him die. She was telling me that I am not alone and that what I feel is valid, overwhelming and most of all survivable with help.

I have asked for it.



3 thoughts on “On asking for help

  1. beautifuldreamer

    Sometimes, we who struggle so hard with emotional/mental or physical pain just need for someone to acknowledge it, and to assure us that it’s okay to be human. It’s okay to have the feelings that go hand in hand with the bottomless pit of suffering.

    I’m glad to hear that you have a family. They have your back, it sounds like!

  2. Austin Post author

    They’ve been really good to me. Betty and her sister Snow plus Snow’s husband are aware that I have DID. They do well with it. I don’t switch a whole, whole lot around them but it is evident to them that I’m not always the same person. They’re fine with it. They don’t go into panic mode or rescue mode. Snow’s husband is a card. He and I spar a lot which is funny as all get out but we also talk about good things and interesting things. He’s a good guy and so is Betty’s husband Fred. I don’t see a lot of Fred anymore because of his health circumstances and mine but we send each other little things that make each other smile. He and his son went on vacation so he brought me back a beautiful rock from Columbia and one from Aruba. Just beautiful. I like exchanging stuff like that. A friend of mine is in Antarctic, you read that correctly. She’s going to try to bring back rocks. I hope she’s able to. A rock from Antarctic. Are you joking?!!!! I’d like one for myself and one to surprise Fred with. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself. :-) I’ll know soon if rocks are to be had. She’ll be flying over the Andes but I’m not sure if she’s stopping. That would be super cool to get a rock from there. As you know, my tag has always been SunflowerNStone. Sunflowers in Stone. I have a display of rocks from various places and dried sunflowers. That tag comes from the time I saw a sunflower growing straight out of the sidewalk. I couldn’t believe it. It was growing right through the cracks like it was saying, I can’t be stopped, nothing, not rock, not layers of stone can hold me back. I’ll never forget the sight. So yup, I have dried sunflowers and stones from various countries and a few US states that mean something to me.

  3. beautifuldreamer

    That’s so cool! I’m glad you have these people around you. How fun it must be to trade little goodies with Fred. We all need to be able to do little things like that and give our minds a break from focusing so much on our pain and/or depression.

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