Squeezed

I chose not to bring up any of what happened with the old CNA to my new one. I chose not to mention anything at all about what happened with the nurses. I wanted a fresh start. I’ve had her awhile now and like her very much. I’ve still got Supervisor Ratchet who comes to do my meds every two weeks. Lets back up a bit………..

I remember very vividly how my brain squeezed together and how it felt like I was out of my head with worry and confusion. I remember very clearly all that happened when Nurse Ratchet was here as well as after and when Sparkle was here. I may remember the details but the pain of it was beginning to be just a thing of the past……….until my nurse called today and brought a sting to my heart. 

My regular nurse has the flu. She called me at 8 in the morning to tell me she couldn’t make our appointment because she has the flu but that Nurse Ratchet could come at 11 am. She said, I know she’s not one of your favorite people but I just wanted to get your meds filled, I didn’t want to leave you without pain meds. I answered her by saying, I never said Nurse Ratchet isn’t one of my favorite people. I never said that. I then agreed that she could come to my house for the nurses visit. I hung up. Not 5 min later did it hit me that Nurse Ratchet would be sitting in my living room in as little as 2 hours. That’s the time my nurse gave me to process all of this. When I called my nurse back I told her no, she can’t come.

First off, I didn’t even know if Nurse Ratchet was alive or dead. The other CNA, Sparkle, told me some horrifying things that happened. I ended up asking for a new CNA which just so happened to be the day I was told, oh, Sparkle isn’t coming back. Funny, I just asked for a new CNA earlier that morning and was told there was no one available to take me on then the nurse I have now came the very same day and told me that I was getting a new CNA. I have no idea what was going on with that but I got what I wanted so I let it go.

I have a tad bit of animosity towards my current nurse because I told her a few things that she did not even bother to respond to.

I know two things, Nurse Ratchet cannot come here. Sparkle cannot come here. And I wish that my current nurse hadn’t asked because it feels as if my healing time from that whole mess has been interrupted. I guess the good thing is, I can, did and will continue to dictate who comes and who does not.

I wanted very much to ask my current nurse how Nurse Ratchet is doing. I wanted to ask but I know one thing to be true, if you can’t live with the answer, don’t ask the question. If I’d asked and the answer was, Nurse Ratchet was killed……………..

This is exactly why sharing too much information about yourself or your co-workers to patients is a huge no no. It will only hurt the patient.

So now I know Nurse Ratchet is alive.

……..and the patient is still hurting.

Destiny

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