From time to time I log on the net and see something that touches home and is right on time for me. Such a thing too place the other day on Redbubble when I stumbled across a painting by Kit Scott who wrote the following beside her painting called Sun and Shadow:
Ever stop looking into the future, so overwhelmed by the present or past you couldn’t deal with possibilities, too?
I have. When you take back your life, when you turn to the horizon, it is terrible and it is beautiful, and it is worth the fear to have the possibilities again.
Sun and Shadow by Kit Scott
I would cheapen the painting and her words by saying any more. Thank you Kit for permission to post your painting and for your timely words.
fma
I
had this dream three nights ago but I still have difficulty thinking about it. What comes to mind is how I tried to show people that something was wrong but no one listened. I tried to remove my sister and myself from danger but she was killed and I was trapped. Also of note is how I addressed my uncle and my sister by their proper names, something I hardly ever did. Everything else is pretty typical for my dreams. I woke with a sick feeling and a heavy feeling of loss as if my sister had actually died. Most of the time I’d rather I died in my dreams than my sister. She’s usually torn apart by something in some horribly, painful death with lots of screaming and in a way where there’s nothing at all I can do to stop it. I hate dreams like this.
—– Dream from August 28th, 2010 —–
The dream started out with our family having a cook out. The house was in the middle of a forest, it was huge on the outside but small on the inside. My uncle was outside with 7 of my cousins playing some sort of game but when I went to check on them later he had them paired up and taking milk shots off of their belly buttons. Each child was paired with another child and he had a little boy under him licking milk from his stomach. When I saw it I yelled to him to stop. I told him he was wrong. I called him by name so that the children knew I was talking to the uncle and not them.
Continue reading ‘DREAM: Somewhere in the Forest’
I should say something, but what? I don’t really know what to say.
So far my vacation is going fine. I’m doing my best to stay away from shows I know will be triggering and music that may be triggering. It’s safe to say I’m very guarded right now because I’m not doing that well.
Continue reading ‘A Little Bit’
Yesterday I was kind of down in the dumps. Lets face it, I was frustrated and angered by a personal situation that doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Because I felt I’d royally messed up I began to think of myself as one who can’t get anything right. Well, that had to stop because the last thing I needed was to hear my own voice telling me how worthless I am. So, what did I do? I took stock then realized what I needed was to accomplish something positive. I needed to use one of my coping skills (creativity) and come up with something I could finish that day with success. I narrowed my focus then turned my attention to my positive skill sets.
Continue reading ‘Accomplish Something Positive’
Have you ever seen something so exquisite you didn’t want to touch it for fear of spoiling it, but you had to? How could you not?
Have you ever run your fingers across something so beautiful you could feel just a tiny bit of electricity flow through your very being and nearly lift you off your stale, dry and dusty path?
Have you ever held it in your hands knowing once you build courage
And once you let yourself go
You and exquisite will fuse?
I’ve seen it
Touched it and
Was inspired to meld.
Yesterday was a trial but tomorrow will be beautiful. I believe this.
UPDATE: Yesterday was just fine. It wasn’t the S.S.D.D. nor was it a phenomenal experience. It was mild, sometimes slow but still agreeable. I can appreciate days that land somewhere in the middle because they give me room to move forward when the time is right or take a step back when needed. Sometimes the middle is right where I need to be.
Dr. D and I discussed the creative free flow writing I did called Show and Tell.
This particular piece is interesting to me because of the names I chose and the words chosen to describe my sister’s behavior and responses. Most significant to me is the names chosen for the characters. I went by the name Anna my senior year in high school and Cheyenne is one of my sister’s middle names. I switched up the names but didn’t really think about it until after the fact. Anna is also the name of one of my very mild alters. In the Bible there’s a woman named Anna that was considered loyal, faithful and always in the temple. This is one of the reasons the alter chose her name and one of the reasons I went by it in high school. I liked the thought of being considered loyal and faithful. Since my sister was none of those things its interesting that I’d choose to give her that name in the story and take hers as my own. Roger is just the brand of the cigarettes I was smoking at the time 
Continue reading ‘Therapy Session Review: Show and Tell’
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