Archive for the 'Art' Category

This Year’s Independence Day

Published on February 2, 2012 in Art, Gratitude Journal and Letters Home. 0 Comments Tags: .

It’s that time again. I turn 20 years free this year.

For this Independence Day I’m going to go to an aquarium exhibit as well as check out a few sales at Hobby Lobby and Micheal’s. Then on Friday I’m going to an art opening by an artist who is taking part in the Fringe Festival here in town.

Each year I have the same breakfast I had when I left home. Since I left and went to a hotel I ate there and had a breakfast of waffles, peaches and whipped cream. Lunch was quiche and salmon. I don’t quite remember what I did for dinner. I don’t know why but I don’t remember, anyway though, the other two meals are part of my Independence Day tradition.

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J is For Joan

Published on January 26, 2012 in Art, Art Therapy, Emotional abuse, Female Sadist and PTSD. 1 Comment

Dr. D: When you get into situations like that ask yourself, “What would Joan do?”
Me: Maybe I should get a WWJD bracelet.

When he suggested I ask what Joan would do he couldn’t see the …contempt …the utter disgust on my face at the thought of it. OF COURSE a mother issue is involved because the woman actually said to me, “See me in your head and ask yourself, “Would mommy approve?” I will no longer gauge my behavior based on some human figure lurking behind me, over me, scrutinizing my every move.

When I was a child and even now I can picture my mother’s face right over my shoulder. She’s deadpan, as usual so I can’t tell if she approves or disapproves. It was a guessing game to figure out what was acceptable to her.

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Art Therapy: Changes in Black and White

Published on January 20, 2012 in Anxiety, Art, Art Therapy, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Female Sadist, PTSD, Secrets and Confessions and Therapy. 1 Comment

I wasn’t feeling all that calm or collected at the time of these particular drawings which were done with an ink pen or black gel pen.

When I first moved here I thought to myself, my goodness, I’ve gone from the pan into the fire. For a minute that might have been true but its far from true now. For just a moment it was rough.

At first I decided not to do any more end of life foster care for animals or feed newborns. I figured it might be okay to babysit from time to time but I’ll limit that as well. I briefly did foster care for a 15 year old male tabby. His photo is among the sketches. Seeing that boy roll around in catnip was priceless!!! Ever seen an old cat drop about 14.5 years in a few minutes? Yeah, that was pretty awesome.

Some of my issues are the same, which I expected. I expected anxiety and stuff like that but I never expected to end up at my going to my mother’s house.  That blew me away.

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Art Therapy sketches, paintings, etc

Published on January 20, 2012 in Art, Art Therapy and Therapy. 0 Comments

I did a lot of painting, writing and sketching while off line. I won’t even bother to explain them. I just want to make sure I get them up here so I know where they are.

fma

 

A Face to My Anger Pt2

Published on January 19, 2012 in Anger, Art, Art Therapy, Emotions, Female Sadist, PTSD and Therapy. 4 Comments

……… My mother isn’t a mystery to me nor is she one dimensional. She is concrete which makes her a lot easier to me angry with.

Mother anger issues:

I have more memories of her than any other family member; including my older sister which may be one reason my anger towards her is stronger than other family members.

I was intrigued by her. I thought she was larger than life only to find out she was just another sadist in a dress.

I feel lied to. I feel as if my childhood was filled with lies by her and that I’m just now unraveling them and finding the truth. Each truth I find seems to bring up a little more anger for her.

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Picture Day

Published on September 20, 2011 in Art and Pets. 1 Comment Tags: .

Still quiet, I know. Maybe quiet isn’t the right word. I just don’t care right now. I think that describes things accurately.

Although my words are few I do have a few photos and some new artwork. Uprising and the new Sisters in the Sun painting are now listed on my art site. I destroyed the very first version of Sisters in the Sun but I have my ways of re-creating things. :-) The new version, which is very close to the old, can be found here.

The photo of me was taken by my window in my favorite reading spot.

Therapy is going fine. The apartment is wonderful. I’m living. That’s about the size of it.

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Disturbed

Published on August 17, 2011 in Anger, Anxiety, Art, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Fear and PTSD. 0 Comments

The main thing I’ve felt this week is disturbed. I don’t know how to describe it other than disturbed. Dr. D and I briefly discussed hospitalization but I don’t want to do that again, especially so soon.

There’s been a lot of yelling, a lot of anger and anguish inside. We’re not right and I know it but I don’t want to spend my 40th birthday in the hospital. So I’ll keep throwing paint around, piling markers on top of crayons and tossing oil in with water colors. I’ll keep doing what I do without concern for if it looks right. It feels better when I paint. I wish I could sit down and read a bit but I’m a bit too anxious for that. I’ll just keep painting and maybe I’ll find balance somewhere.

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