Have you ever eaten something that was almost too good to continue eating? I did that today. What I made was simple but once you put these two flavors together the mouth explodes with joy. Here’s what I did, I added Mandarin oranges to lemon jello then added whip topping. Simple yet absolutely awesome! In addition to my peppermint addiction I love the mix of orange and lemon, especially in a white cake with butter cream icing. That’s my favorite cake ever. Now I’ve got a favorite jello. 
Archive for the 'Anger' Category
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I told someone just the other day not to be too hard on herself when she falls down due to complications with Fibromyalgia, yet here I am pissed big time! I think the anger has to do with knowing what’s ahead after the fall rather than being angry about the fall itself. I know the next few days, if not longer, are going to be filled with extra pain. On top of already too high of a pain level I get to deal with the pain of strained muscles and bruised arms and legs. I get to deal with headaches…and a culture clash.
You know you have a problem with anger when the fish have begun to piss you off!!!
There’s a strong possibility that my anger issues have reached their pentacle. I’m just pissed. Here’s the thing, the goldfish keep throwing rocks inside the tank. They’re not little things either; they’re monstrous so when they pick up gravel (to see if it has food on it) they toss it back out of their mouths with power. A healthy fish is always swimming around looking for a tid-bit so that’s not the problem; the problem is that these big mo-fo’s toss around gravel as if no one ever told them the number one rule of living in a glass house. The noise of them ‘throwing rocks’ is much the same as the sound of some kid outside throwing pebbles at your window. Ting, ting, tink, on and on until I want to scream, “You’re not gonna be happy until your stupid asses are on the floor.”
Dr. D and I talked about trust and violence. We talked about how Robert is cruel and abusive towards us. He cuts and burns us regularly. Dr. D says he’s one angry, belligerent boy who should be stopped. This conversation came up after Dr. D suggested that he no longer stay seated at the end of the session but rather he wanted to walk us to the door. Let me back up. At the end of my session I ask for two things. I want a 5 min warning that the session is about to end and I want him to stay seated while I leave. I don’t want him to walk me to the door, open it and escort me out. Some see it as walking me out but I see it as escorting me out, throwing me out and abandoning me. There’s more to it than that but I’ll get to that in a minute.
Dr. D’s suggestion caused serious upset. Because some of us were frightened by the suggestion Robert became aggressive and abusive towards me and others inside. He was so angry that we showed fear and upset. Because we did he wanted to make us hurt and hurt bad.
Inner Aggression and Abuse – Saturday, September 03, 2011-1:43am EST
The main thing I’ve felt this week is disturbed. I don’t know how to describe it other than disturbed. Dr. D and I briefly discussed hospitalization but I don’t want to do that again, especially so soon.
There’s been a lot of yelling, a lot of anger and anguish inside. We’re not right and I know it but I don’t want to spend my 40th birthday in the hospital. So I’ll keep throwing paint around, piling markers on top of crayons and tossing oil in with water colors. I’ll keep doing what I do without concern for if it looks right. It feels better when I paint. I wish I could sit down and read a bit but I’m a bit too anxious for that. I’ll just keep painting and maybe I’ll find balance somewhere.
I never thought I’d ever sit down with an offender and speak to him frankly and have him freely answer my questions. When I spoke to him I told him I didn’t need to know why but I did need to know if he understood what he put his son through. I needed to know if he understood the amount of damage he caused by his actions. I also asked if he’s repentant and if so what did he do to get to that point? It’s not enough to say you’re sorry or repentant; you have to act, move forward and away from those behaviors. What steps were taken to show repentance?
Continue reading ‘My Conversation with a Sex Offender’
I experience joy but for the most part, I’m an angry person. Sometimes I enjoy sharing space but for the most part I want my space the way I want it and I want it undisturbed by noise and movement. This is where Mary Jane comes in. All this has been said before, this is nothing new. I go through this with her repeatedly knowing full well its nothing but PTSD and not at all her fault.
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