What an unpleasant surprise. I use a medical transportation service to get to therapy now. The service I use is much nicer than Yellow Cab. They’re cleaner and they don’t stress me. I do, however, sometimes have to share the ride with one other person. Today I was picked up early because a lady lived far away and he wouldn’t have time to get me to therapy on time if I didn’t just go with them. It turns out she lives within a stone’s throw of my mother’s house.
Archive for the 'Anxiety' Category
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If you knew that at a certain time, in a certain place you’d be violated and humiliated would you show up at that time and place? Would you readily end other activities, get dressed then show up for that appointment or would you find a million reasons not to attend?
I put off sleep more than anything else. I avoid it like the plague but the problem is, in order to live I have to sleep. Man that’s cruel. In order to live I have to lay down, surrender and let my brain vomit all over me. That is cruel.
Some call it sleep but I call it a standing appointment for violation.
The Burden of Sleep – Monday, November 07, 2011 – 11:37pm EST
J of A
Usually Joan is the one to manage paper work and things like that but since she’s not around someone else had to do it. One of the good things about having jobs is that when a certain task comes up everyone knows who is going to do what. If it’s a public matter such as answering the phone, driving, filling out paperwork and stuff like that then we know Joan will handle it. If there’s a physical threat or a really hard decision to make then Morton handles it. If we have a job then we know what is expected of us and we know what to expect from others. When one person is absent from work then someone, anyone has to make up for the slack. Right now we have no idea who is able to handle the slack when Joan doesn’t show up for work. It seems random who will pick up the slack so to speak.
I told someone just the other day not to be too hard on herself when she falls down due to complications with Fibromyalgia, yet here I am pissed big time! I think the anger has to do with knowing what’s ahead after the fall rather than being angry about the fall itself. I know the next few days, if not longer, are going to be filled with extra pain. On top of already too high of a pain level I get to deal with the pain of strained muscles and bruised arms and legs. I get to deal with headaches…and a culture clash.
I know I’m kind of quiet but here’s a few things I’ve been thinking about.
First and foremost I hope my good friend Kathryn doesn’t end up in the hospital. She’s been on my mind a lot. I know how difficult chronic pain is. Heck, it can drain you emotionally and physically then make you want to die just so it’ll all stop. My hope is that something will give for her so she can have a break. Too much, it’s just too much. I feel for her.
I didn’t make it in to therapy today because of body issues but we talked on the phone about dreams, girls and the sex offender I spoke with a few weeks back.
I decided not to talk to the offender again to ask him how he got to the point where he could hurt his son. I decided not to because I’m not sure I can live with the answer. While he was forthcoming and respectful the first meeting he may have had a change of heart since then. What if his answer is cruel or shocking as opposed to truthful yet tactful?
In the dream there were 3 young children who said they’d been abandoned by their parents in their home. A 9 year old boy was parent to two younger well behaved siblings. The house was very clean, well organized and very well decorated in earth tones. I asked how long the parents had been gone and he said years but that he took up the slack after they left. In the house they had several fish tanks with beautiful fish. They had a huge, crystal clear, well established tank in the wall in the living room which sat beside an iguana enclosure. Above that enclosure was a flightless bird on its perch. There were small rock gardens and waterfalls in the living room as well as big, beautiful plants. Wide open spaces were filled with light which brought life to the entire house. I was impressed that a 9 year old was able to maintain it all and told him as much.
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