Archive for the 'Grief Sadness Loss' Category

Joan – No Longer Part of Daily Life

Published on January 15, 2012 in Anxiety, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss and Morton's Pride. 0 Comments Tags: .

The entire conversation she thought I was Joan.

Me:  “I’ll show you the brackish water tank when I you see you next time.”
Missy:  “I saw it the last time I was there.”
Me:  “The brackish tank, with the Molly fish in it?”
Missy:  “Yeah, you showed it to me.”
Me:  “Oh”
Missy:  “You need to write down when you’ve been out because someone was upset and said you hadn’t been here since November.”
Silence was followed by, “This isn’t Joan, its Destiny.”
Missy:  “Oh. Sometimes I can tell you apart but sometimes I can’t.”

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Falling Down, Looking Forward

Published on October 11, 2011 in Anger, Emotions, Fear, Grief Sadness Loss, Medical and PTSD. 1 Comment

Have you ever eaten something that was almost too good to continue eating? I did that today. What I made was simple but once you put these two flavors together the mouth explodes with joy. Here’s what I did, I added Mandarin oranges to lemon jello then added whip topping. Simple yet absolutely awesome! In addition to my peppermint addiction I love the mix of orange and lemon, especially in a white cake with butter cream icing. That’s my favorite cake ever. Now I’ve got a favorite jello. :-)

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Preparations Permission Happiness

Published on October 11, 2011 in Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Love, Morton's Pride and Trust. 1 Comment

Two days ago I purchased a gift for my friend Maureen. I can’t wait for her to see it. I can feel her getting closer and closer which means I won’t be around again. I wanted to get her a thank you gift for all the homey touches she’s made here so I picked up a vintage ruler. It’s actually a wooden brick mason’s ruler but I know she’ll like it because it’s vintage. It’s a Lufkin No 636 and it folds up nicely.  For just a buck I can make her smile. I like that.

I know she’s getting closer. I know this because I can feel her, but this means I won’t be here. Since I won’t be around I went ahead and paid everything for the month and filled the house with groceries. I made sure there’s a variety of a food so that even if Robert takes the helm he’ll have food he likes. I need to get some chalk for our chalk board so I can write to Amy, L.J. and Little Anna that they can do the basics. They don’t know they can eat, get something to drink or use the restroom without asking. They have no idea it’s 2011 because they’re stuck in the year of their age. When I was their age I had to ask to do absolutely everything. I didn’t make a move until I was told to. Those three still ask.

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In Time

Published on September 27, 2011 in Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Love, Morton's Pride, Relationships and Trust. 0 Comments Tags: .

As I wipe away dust and fold clothes by the window I hear Jacquelyn tell me to pace myself.

I realize I’ve been gone for awhile. I look at the condition of the house and see that a 19 year old boy has occupied my home for nearly three months without taking care to clean it and without concern for the others who live in this head. At first I was irritated that so much needs to be done. Pay a few bills, do the laundry, take out the trash, wash the car (he seems to have messed that up too) and for the love of Pete get some good food in this body of ours. I can feel the difference. I can tell that a teenager has made our food choices. I don’t begrudge him though. I don’t.

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On Falling, Anger and Humor

Published on September 27, 2011 in Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss and Medical. 2 Comments

I told someone just the other day not to be too hard on herself when she falls down due to complications with Fibromyalgia, yet here I am pissed big time! I think the anger has to do with knowing what’s ahead after the fall rather than being angry about the fall itself. I know the next few days, if not longer, are going to be filled with extra pain. On top of already too high of a pain level I get to deal with the pain of strained muscles and bruised arms and legs. I get to deal with headaches…and a culture clash.

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Dream Therapy: Sister Dies Rewrite

Published on August 22, 2011 in Dream Therapy, Dreams, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Mental Health and PTSD. 0 Comments Tags: , .

In dream therapy you re-write your dream/nightmare so that it has an ending you can live with. The dream I had the other night about my sister had an ending I can’t live with so I’m going to do a creative writing kind of dream re-write. The original dream is here.

It had only been one hour since the University announced immediate evacuation to safeguard students from the fast approaching blizzard, yet the place was deserted. Students and Faculty abandoned the school with speed and fury leaving silence eerily dangling in darkened hallways….Scratch that! Let’s go lighter and skip past the packed cab leaving us behind. We’ll go right to the part where my sister and I are alone in the school.

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Compilation

Published on August 17, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Dreams and Grief Sadness Loss. 0 Comments

I didn’t realize I’d been here a month and a half. I thought I’d only been here about two weeks. Where has the time gone? What did I do or in some cases who did I do? In the time missed I failed to pay my light bill. I have to do that today.

I don’t feel right. Dr. D and I talked about not recognizing my surroundings. I did that atFife’s house too. I sorta recognized my things but it just didn’t click. I still felt like I didn’t know the place or that I didn’t know where I was. I hate that.

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