Archive for the 'Grief Sadness Loss' Category

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My Sister’s Birthday

Published on March 25, 2011 in Anger, Dreams, Grief Sadness Loss and Love. 0 Comments

My sister turned 41 yesterday which explains the dream I had about her.

I had a dream she walked away from the family without notice. No one knew where she was and all began to lose hope that she was alive. We weren’t sure if she’d just left or if something bad happened to her. Four years later my mother and I got word she was sitting in at a lunch counter eating pizza with friends. When I heard this I was so upset.

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At Sunrise A Garden

Published on March 10, 2011 in Art Therapy, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Grief Sadness Loss, Morton's Pride, PTSD and Therapy. 2 Comments

Dr. D and I talked about how the coping skill of dissociation is old and not needed the way it was when I was younger.

We talked about a few pictures I did which show my messy head and anxious thoughts.  I’m also feeling a bit abandoned by Joan. I didn’t want to force her to come back but we’re wondering how she could just leave like this. I see her from time to time but she isn’t out in front the way she needs to be. I’m a bit unhappy about that.

 

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Hope and White Frogs

Published on February 25, 2011 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Grief Sadness Loss, Pets and Trust. 5 Comments Tags: .

One of the things frogs are good for is escaping their enclosure. They’ll find the smallest hole to jump out of then next thing you know you find a dried up body someplace. Well, the other day when I woke I did my routine critter head count and found  the  albino clawed frog had escaped overnight. I looked all around for her with no success until finally I settled on the probability that Mary Jane found the frog and did her kitty thing on it. I tried to put it out of my head because I didn’t want to think about if she suffered or not. It may ‘just’ be a frog to some but this is my pet we’re talking about. To think of what could have been done to her was a bit much so I tried to put it out of my head.

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Sisterly Love

Published on February 15, 2011 in Art Therapy, Grief Sadness Loss and Therapy. 0 Comments

Despair – its a lost cause to ever hope I’ll have my sister in my life.
Longing – longing the way Joan longs for Maureen.
I feel tormented. The very thought of her is a stab directly to my heart.
I feel like a fool. She says everything was okay at home. To her I’m a liar. To be hated by someone I love is like carrying a boulder across the desert. Its a pointless, fruitless and painfully exhausting trek.
I feel helpless because I can’t make her see that I’m not the person my mother says I am. Helplessness makes me feel angry.
I feel alone. I feel like a failure. I feel trapped by the need I have for my sister. Overall I feel anguished.

I feel ignored and worthless. To know this woman dislikes me so much is painful. To know she could look right through me or look at me and see me as nothing is painful. Continue reading ‘Sisterly Love’

Little Brother

Published on February 14, 2011 in Depression and Grief Sadness Loss. 0 Comments

Today my brother turns 26 years old but I haven’t seen him since he was three.

I’m sad. I have a few memories of him but more than that I have a strong emotional response when thinking of him.

I can barely picture his face back then but I remember laying on his chest listening to his heartbeat. What I remember the most is when CPS took him I thought it would kill me, I thought the pain of losing him would kill me.

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All The Many Reasons

Published on February 13, 2011 in Abuse, Art Therapy, Emotional abuse, Grief Sadness Loss, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

There are a ton of reasons for why the story about killing my mother was written. To try and explain them all would be too hard and take too long but I was able to sketch a few key reasons for my anger and the grief over the situation. This is a two page spread expressing one major emotion: grief.

The very first picture is about watching my mother hurt by her own family, particularly her mother. Continue reading ‘All The Many Reasons’

Putting My Head Together

Published on January 21, 2011 in Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Fear, Grief Sadness Loss, Pets and PTSD. 0 Comments Tags: .

I have 2 hours before I need to head off to work which means I need to get my head together. I’m in a fog but I need to get clear so I can drive and look half ways normal.

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