Archive for the 'Emotions' Category

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On Being Normal

Published on February 26, 2012 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, PTSD, Relationships, Secrets and Confessions, Therapy and Trust. 3 Comments

This entry is all over the place. .. whatever though…….. I’m sort of thinking as I type so its all over the place.

That girl I saw this evening, someone Joan knew, has strange interests. She doesn’t fit into the category of normal. We’re in the same slot I think. The funny thing is, she throws herself into these projects that others find meaningless…and irritating but I have to ask, what’s the harm? For awhile she’ll collect one item then up and decide she’s done with that collection and wants to sell it off for a new collection of some “off beat” interest. She also tries these “off the wall” business ventures that don’t go anywhere … but… it makes her happy. She doesn’t fit into the regular box…and that’s kind of cool.

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Thanks for thinking of me but….

Published on February 25, 2012 in Anxiety, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, PTSD and Relationships. 1 Comment Tags: .

I have a feeling I know why people drop by without calling. Nine times out of ten if they call I’ll decline an invite to go out. I made plans for today but it didn’t take an hour for me to start regretting making those plans. I don’t want to go. I want to stay home, ALONE. I don’t want to go anywhere and I don’t want company. For the last week I’ve had company nearly every day. Hell, since the first time I got out of the hospital a few weeks ago I’ve had someone here daily. All I want to do is go to bed. I just want to go to bed and not attempt to be friendly or… hold a conversation. I don’t want to be understanding or supportive or funny or… or .. or….I just want to fucking go to bed.

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Tad Bit on Edge

Published on February 23, 2012 in Anger, Anxiety, Art Therapy, Emotions, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

…. and moody…. and evil !!!

For the last hour I’ve been hearing something I couldn’t identify. I wanted to scream, “Stop it! Just stop it!” It’s not even that loud its just that I didn’t know what it was and it was interrupting my idea of safety and security. My head started playing tricks on me. Am I really hearing this, is someone screwing around with me? It took awhile before I realized the sound was coming from downstairs. The guy downstairs keeps his heat set to Armageddon which in a way is good but in another it drives me batty because sometimes his heating system starts to thump. I suppose you can’t keep it that high all the time without some maintenance issues. His excess heat keeps my bill about $20 cheaper than many in my building. Thanks excessive heat guy.

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Contributing Factors – Integration

Published on February 21, 2012 in Anxiety, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Letters Home, Morton's Pride, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

There are a few major things that came up when I started asking questions about possible stressors that could have added to the intensity of this flare up.

The first thing I thought about was anxiety and depression as part of the emotional process of moving.

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Thinking Long Term

Published on February 20, 2012 in Anger, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss and Medical. 2 Comments Tags: .

Right now I’m working with the doctor and the insurance company to approve one of the most simple muscle relaxers available. It’s been over a week without a decision.

I’ve had up and down days with a string of down days. I think the last 2 were the most active of my entire week. I don’t know. I’m frustrated, irritated and the whole nine yards because I’m unable to get this pain under control.

Yesterday while out the pain level spiked. It was just at the end of a meal with a friend when I told her I had to get up and walk this off. We were going to a store close to us anyway so I walked and met her there. It helped, maybe not physically but mentally it helped. I just couldn’t sit there anymore and feel that level of pain.

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For My Brother – All That You Have

Published on February 14, 2012 in Grief Sadness Loss, Letters Home and Love. 0 Comments Tags: , , .

For you on your day.

All That You Have Is Your Soul  by  Tracy Chapman

Oh my mama told me
‘Cause she say she learned the hard way
Say she wanna spare the children
She say don’t give or sell your soul away
‘Cause all that you have is your soul

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doleful shades

Published on February 13, 2012 in Anxiety, Depression, Emotions, Fear, For the Record, Medical and Mental Health. 0 Comments

No light; but rather darkness visible
Served only to discover sights of woe,
Regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace
And rest can never dwell, hope never comes
That comes to all, but torture without end
Still urges, and a fiery deluge, fed
With ever-burning sulphur unconsumed.

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