Sundrip Journals
I’ve got nothing much to say y’all, nothing much at all.
Here are my latest spheres made from polymer clay. As usual, sorry for the poor photographs. LOL and yes the sunflower in blue is hanging on a rubber band.
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I have a few updates on the art blog so go check those out if you’d like. I put up a small painting as a tribute to Bella and updated my Postcard Gallery.
Faith
I look at my eyes and think, my goodness Faith, you’ve gotta do something to bring the light back. It’s been too long that your eyes have been heavy and dark. You’ve got to do something to bring the light back.
Update:
I wrote the entry about resilience in relation to the loss of a friend’s husband to death. My friend’s husband was in the final stages of MS but he also had a seizure disorder. He died in his sleep. In an instant my friend became a 27 year old widow and single mother of a one year old daughter. Her husband was 32 years old. My friend took her one year old and moved to New Albany to stay with friends. I hope to talk to her soon.
I may have written the entry about dealing with the loss and the sadness of her situation but it now applies to the loss of my sweet kitty Bella. About 4:30 this morning she passed away. I never expected her to be one of those cats that lives forever but I figured she’d make it past 4 years old. She’s been sick for awhile. Each winter she sort of hibernates and you can see it in her eyes that she doesn’t feel well. For the last 3 winters I wasn’t sure if she’d make it through, this winter she didn’t.
My personal word for the day is resilience.
Resilience: the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
Power and ability stand out for me in this definition as does returning to the original state of being. I don’t mean I need to return to being one person because I don’t know what that means. I told someone the other day that while I wish for integration it’s much like someone who feels the grass is greener on the other side. Heck, I may get over there (in the world of singletons) and think, “Get me out of here! I don’t like this shade of green!” The original form I’m talking about is the person I was born to be. That person still exists but is hard pressed to breathe under all this gunk. I need to get her unearthed and let her live in today, let her stand up from her bent (but unbroken) position.
The best way for me to be resilient is to practice my coping skills and make them a part of my life, not just words on a piece of paper. I also need to let myself grow and make opportunities for personal growth.
Resilience is my word for the day and my goal for the day.
fma
I finally made something. Go check it out. Three Oceans, Three Pearls.
I purchased some clay the other day and made a few small pieces for my home. It was a nice self esteem boost just to be able to finish it. Argh! I tell ya, this whole dry spell is killing me.
When I made them I was rather relaxed, comfortable. It’s the first time since high school I’ve had clay in my hands (20 years ago) so I was certainly back to square one but man was it fun. I like the idea of clay as use for help with arthritis in my hands but I don’t like the way polymer clay feels. To get the final desired texture I went ahead and put an adobe clay overlay on each piece because I just don’t like the way polymer clay feels when it’s baked and dried. I think I’ll have to see about working with a more grainy, earthy clay with a solid, heavier feel to it. The small ball I have left I’ll keep for use to build hand strength but in the future (hopefully the near future) I’ll get a hold of a clay material I actually want to do a real piece with.
So, I finally got something done. Yay for me!
I have to wonder what on earth I’m doing? I mean really, am I just totally off my rocker or am I in a space now where I can venture out and not feel like I’m going to crash and burn? For me to even consider walking down this road says to me I’ve made a tad bit of progress in my healing.
I’ve said repeatedly that I can’t date a black girl because it’s too triggering. I’ve said that I like black women a lot (ooooo chocolate) but when I see them I think of my mother and it frightens me. At this point when I look at her I don’t think of my mother. When I see a mutual friend of ours I see my mother but not when I look at her. I guess my concern is that if this grows into anything and there’s sexual contact I’ll end up freaking out.
I’ll be writing a letter to:
Web18 Software Services Limited
New Era House, Mogul Lane, Matunga (W)
Mumbai – 400016, Phone: 6618 4400
Yes, Mumbai. I have to deal with the same man who insists upon snatching my artwork and publishing it in a series of online magazines. It is sad when people will not work for a living but instead snatch the work of others and claim it as their own.
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