I sometimes go to Craiglist just to read the crazy ads. People get on there and fight and name call like some sort of daytime television show. Then there are type that are unbalanced and militant. Those are the ones that scare me. The Indy CL page is better than TV but frightening in that its real. They’re real threats, real people, real possibilities of someone getting hurt. I think they forget the black and white text goes to a living, breathing, being. They fail to realize that they have no idea if that living, breathing being is sane and safe.
Archive for the 'Humor' Category
I put on Mikey’s little vest so he can go outside because without it on he can easily slip out of his collar and run off. I don’t want that. Well, he’d had his harness on three times with no difficulties but the 4th time he didn’t want to put it on. I even tried to get help from a neighbor who decided she couldn’t do anything to help. Mikey made such a fuss in the hallway about the jacket that other neighbors came out to see what dog was yelping like that. Enter Morton.
Something’s missing said Cotton to his humongous brother Polyester Blend. Cotton the frog couldn’t figure it out so he and his over sized brother sat and thought about it for a bit. Continue reading ‘Finding Butterflies’
Today’s torture for my physical therapist included me playing the horrible remake of Purple Rain and forcing upon him the tea of teas. I love, absolutely love Lapsang souchong. He was hesitant because I served it in a cup that predates the Japanese occupation era. I told him, this is not tequila, you can’t just toss it back. You have to put a little in your mouth and let it sit there so as to taste the different flavors.
He was all nervous about it because I kept telling him about the expense of the tea and the age of the cup. I was cruel. I was wrong about the expense though. I was thinking of the Mind and Body tea from Teavana. I was at least able to duplicate Mind and Body without having to worry about the price. Anyway though, so the PT drank Lapsang souchong. I had him sip it first and tell me what flavors he could taste. I told him that with that cup his pinky would naturally stick out. Though he tried to fight the urge for an erect pinky finger it did happen. Dude, it happens because of the cup. It’s a natural response. No worries. You’re still ‘the man’, still straight, still a dude. You just happen to have a patient who enjoys putting you through stuff. If I hurt, you hurt. You know the rules. At least I didn’t give him the Austin treatment like I did that one physical therapist. I refused to wear deodorant when she was here. Maybe she just thought I was funky all the time but nope, only for her! That was her special experience.
It seems my physical therapist has a sense of humor and he’s got a touch of adhd for sure. I like him but I have to torture him. I’ve got to whip out some of my tricks to make my visits with this character more interesting.
We do my physical therapy to music. Music will be my first weapon. This is a 20-something guy who parties after work. He’s a young spunky thing who will not appreciate show tunes, opera or polka. Today we listened to Jacques Brel sing Ne me quitte pas followed by – Jacques Brel singing -Madeleine. Yup, I went French polka on him! This coming Thursday I’m going to treat him to a few numbers from Yentl. I’m about to do Papa Can You Hear Me.
Me: I’m roasting chicken again in my convection oven. I’ve come to really love roasted carrots too.
Missy: Is the convection oven round or square?
Me: It’s just like a microwave oven, it’s square. It’s like a microwave only it bakes, grills and roasts too. It’s the best thing ever. I’ve made cookies in it, muffins, roasted chicken, baked salmon. Girl I’ve done everything in this thing. I haven’t used my real oven in months. That’s just there to hide dirty dishes.
Missy: You do that too?
Me: Oh yeah!
Missy: I thought I was the only one.
I should take my WELCOME sign off the door. It’s deceptive. It gives people the wrong idea, that they should knock on my door. Maybe I’ll just put up a decoration without an invitation on it. It’s confusing for them to see that word because they believe it. Who knew a WELCOME sign would be taken so literally by so many on a regular basis? Who knew it would be a call to every idiot from around the nation to show up at my door? The wreath has to come down.
There was an Indiana pumpkin shortage this year so I wasn’t able to get a pumpkin to bake. Continue reading ‘Deceptions. Pumpkins. Blogs’