Archive for the 'For the Record' Category

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Services and Sarcasm

Published on April 12, 2012 in Humor and Stupid People. 0 Comments Tags: .

Services: I recently went to a service with 800 people there. There was a Korean group of women who wore the traditional Hanbok, as well as a French speaking group. The French speaking group were people mostly from Central and West Africa.  The 3rd group was of Spanish speaking people but that group included a lot of different Spanish speaking countries, not just one or two. The 4th and final group, which I was in, had 800 English speaking people. It was a very nice evening. While there I saw about 15 to 20 people I haven’t seen in about 20 years. None of my family was there but people who know them were. I knew family friends would be but I really wanted to go to the service. I’m glad I did.

Sarcasm: The other day my neighbor came up and knocked on my door to tell me to stop throwing rocks at his window. (sigh). I tried to close the door but the drunk bastard kept running his mouth about how tired he is of me throwing stuff at his window just out of sight so he can’t see its me. I nearly closed the door and was done with it but he once again said, I’m tired of you! …….I just lost it.

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Our best

Published on April 7, 2012 in Emotions, Forgiveness and Grief Sadness Loss. 0 Comments

She said it the only way she knew how.  I heard her the only way I knew how.

Vacation and Tradition

Published on March 29, 2012 in For the Record and Gratitude Journal. 2 Comments Tags: .

I checked on railway prices to go to Seattle in August. Its going to be cheaper to go via train than the bus…and a lot more comfy too. I can’t wait. I’m so excited. I need a vacation this year. I refuse to fly because I know the ride will be wonderful and scenic.

I travel light but one thing I never leave behind are art supplies.

I’m getting a room on the train because its a two day ride there and back. Getting a room adds an extra $165 to the $182 round trip ticket price but I think the room is necessary.

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The Private Life of Dissociative Identity Disorder Pt1

Published on March 28, 2012 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, For the Record, Morton's Pride, Secrets and Confessions and Segments. 0 Comments Tags: , .

You asked me a few questions but when I started to answer them I realized I would need more space than a comment box provides. This is in two parts cause I like to hear myself talk. :-)

I have a question though… and feel free not to post, or to edit as needed…. how does it work out when you don’t tell those around you about the DID?

For me it works out quite well. I don’t have the same issues as other DID’s might have. The vast majority of us have a job and a family with children. There are huge responsibilities on their shoulders. I don’t have a family and I work from home. What I say is this, just like with anyone else, we have to decide how much a given person should know. Work buddies don’t know as much as church friends. Close friends don’t know as much as associates. A grandmother may not know as many intimate details about their grandchild as say a sister or brother. In our everyday life, whether we’re a singleton or a multiple, we set boundaries with the people around us. Different groups of people know different details of our lives. The closer they are the more they know. The less some people know the better. It works this way with DID as well as any other issue.

If I’m dating someone and its getting serious I tell them. I don’t keep that from them.

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The Private Life of Dissociative Identity Disorder Pt2

Published on March 28, 2012 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, For the Record, Mental Health, Morton's Pride, PTSD, Relationships, Secrets and Confessions and Segments. 1 Comment Tags: .

Part two

And do those in your life, for instance your walking buddy… notice when you are “different”?

I’m not sure if they notice or not. They haven’t said anything. The other day at K-mart my friend kept putting stuffed ducks in the cart. I had the hardest time in the world staying an adult. She knows I like stuffed ducks so with it being Easter time they’re everywhere. Man was that hard trying to stay big. At one point she put a large, super soft pink rabbit in the cart. Oh my goodness.

I have a few friends here in Indiana that know I have DID and they’re fine with it. One of the reasons I don’t tell others is because I don’t want it to be the center of our friendship. I don’t want to constantly hear, “Can you do this? Will it trigger you?” or “Don’t go over there Faith there’s a rubber ducky.” They don’t just let me be, they keep bringing it up and treating me with kid gloves.

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A string of thoughts

Published on March 26, 2012 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health and Relationships. 2 Comments Tags: .

Sometimes it hits me to rip the fuck out of my arms. I get this strong impulse to shred them.
I get a strong impulse to bang my head against the wall, to open up my stomach and release what ever is in there that’s torturing me. It’s release I want, not pain. Release.

My friend and I did our walk again today which was helpful for anxiety as well as general exercise. There was a small barbeque today where someone brought up the girl who killed herself. It is still raw around here over that. I don’t think people should be hush hush about it but for many of us who knew here the mere mention of her name is painful.

I wish I could run. Where? I may not be running physically but emotionally I’m running.
I hurt.
My head isn’t right. I can’t wait to see my therapist.
I feel so desperate.
I need to be hugged. I need to be held.
I have abandonment issues right now.

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Fire and Two Little Ducks

Published on March 24, 2012 in Anxiety and For the Record. 2 Comments Tags: , .

Today was interesting to say the least. Let me start with what happened the other day. The other day a man in my apartment community was angry and kicked over our fire pit leaving scorch marks on the ground. He’s being evicted for his stupid antics. That’s been on everyone’s mind and the subject of a lot of talk for the last few days. It was also discussed today when my friend and I did our two mile walk together. After we came back from the walk we heard the sound of glass breaking outside the door. I didn’t even check to see what it was. I thought someone was arguing or something UNTIL of course someone screamed “fire”. Continue reading ‘Fire and Two Little Ducks’