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Happy
I totally blew everything off today and painted. I turned on some music and it was just me and the brush. I feel happiest with a paintbrush in my hand.
I didn’t upload any of the pieces I did because they’re too large for my scanner, however, there are several new digital pieces over on Sundrip.com.
Here are three of the newer paintings.
Love Your Garden
Satchel of Dreams
The Ladies Fare
If you click the images you’ll be re-directed to Sundrip.com where you’ll be able to see close ups and details of Love Your Garden and The Ladies Fare.
It’s been a good day.
Austin
Talking To Mary Magdalene
I’ve been called Little Duck since I was a child. I even use the name on my email address. Although my family called me that in a derogatory way, saying I have lips like a duck, I stuck to the nickname. I stuck to that nickname but abandoned, tossed out, threw away and tried to forget my birth name. Why did I keep Little Duck but legally change my birth name? When I think of a little duck I think of a lovable little animal, something to be concerned about and protected. You’d never want to see a little duck playing in the street or lost from his mother. Seeing a little duck that way would make you want to pick him up and take him to safety, take him home and nurture him then set him free. When I see stuffed bright yellow stuffed animals with big over sized yellow beaks I smile. They’re adorable. So despite the initial slight in calling me Little Duck it turned out to be a heartwarming name for me. So I kept it. I like it but the other name had to go.
I told my therapist that I remember the first time someone called me by my new first name. I got up to walk away when she called out to me. I turned and smiled not just an upturning of lips but a full heart and soul smile. I knew I’d chosen the right name. He asked why I chose the middle name of Magdalene so I explained to him that Mary Magdalene is a wonderful example of hope. Since changing my name was for the purpose of hope it seemed fitting to add her name. I then said, “It would be so wonderful to sit down and have a cup of coffee with Mary Magdalene.” That’s when therapy took a turn, when I felt the most excited and almost giddy that I’ve felt inside a therapy session. Usually it’s emotionally draining but not this subject. We were talking about my favorite sister in the world. What could I feel but encouraged and hopeful?
Yeah for me!!!
I sold 2 My Time To Heal Greeting Cards this morning!!! Yeah for me!
I heard from a lady that purchased a greeting card of Honorable. She said it came beautiful and that it has my name and the name of the piece on the back of the card.
My Time to Heal is now available in postcard format. It won’t be on Redbubble unless by request. I’ll offer it through the Postcard Gallery. See the Postcard Gallery for more details.
Thank you to whomever bought the cards. That just makes me one happy camper!
Lost and Found
I’ve searched high and low for my copy of Microsoft Word Office Suite 2003 but it’s no where to be found. As I rustled through the office I found several items I’d given up on finding. Those are material things, stuff that doesn’t really keep me going but sure make life a bit more enjoyable. But today, I found something, gained something I haven’t had in quite sometime, maybe ten years or more. When I went to see my psychiatrist I saw a friend who works at the information desk. She came from around the desk to greet Captain and me. She wrapped her arms around me, hugged me and told me she loves me. It’s been too long since someone did that.
Poetic Accomplishments
Multi grain nut bread rising – one loaf
Rag doll stained for that antique look accomplished in just a few dips.
Two emails out to one major dip.
White toast I munched then swept the crumbs away
To a bag overflowing since yesterday.
Data transferred, saved and filed.
Lighter flicked, candles lit.
Litter box cleaned and sweeper run.
One more smile before my day is done.
Sipping soup from a mug the size of Texas I watch my girls
All fuzzy and content with catnip satisfaction.
In the softest spot by the window sill they settle to
Steal a moment for one more purr, one more doze before the close of the afternoon sun.
In a back yard in the suburbs small
A large black dog he goes a charge after a rollie ball in chaotic bounce.
Slobbering, prancing he never suspects
A bath is sure to follow when one rolls in winter’s remnants.
What sweet joy in one day’s results of chomping, dipping, charging and sewing
Playing, chatting, resolving and growing.
——-
So that’s what I’ve done today. I’ll return comments either later today or tomorrow afternoon. There’s a lot more I have to say on being strong. But for now I’d rather go smell some multi-grain nut bread and sip decaf coffee.
J of A
Poetic Accomplishments
Friday, January 25, 2008-4:22PM EST
The Power of a Wish
The other day I completed a meme about 25 things I need as a survivor followed by 5 things I want. I filled out the needs part without much thought. I knew the answers to that right off. When it got to the 5 things I want I had a bit of trouble. I listed a game and an art program. I was stunned when I got them as gifts (the art program arrived today). I also listed something rather impractical like trading my left arm for my dog’s health. I then said I wanted to go to
The car is a ‘96 Nissan Sentra. This is a web photo here of the kind of car it is with info on it and everything. This is the exact colour.
Never Underestimate The Power of a Wish
-Saturday, January 19, 2008-10:09PM EST
Things I’m Grateful For This Week
I’m happy I snagged the idea of wearing earplugs from a blogger mom. I use them to quiet my hypervigilance so I can sleep better.
I’m grateful for support from friends on and off the blog, 3D and Cyber buddies.
I got to talk to a friend over the phone that I haven’t talked to in a bit.
I’m happy to have a concerned therapist
A place to lay my head and for
A few nights sleep with manageable dreams.
I’m thankful for the gift of Bejeweled 2 and Adobe Photoshop. (insert happy clap)
I’ve found comfort in candles and aromatherapy.
I’m happy I allowed myself to be angry without injuring myself in the process.
I’m more than grateful to Captain for waking me just as I dozed off on the love seat with a lit cigarette in my hand. I was sitting up but I fell asleep. Note to self: Stop skipping naps, you know you need ‘em.
I’m grateful and encouraged by positive feedback on Redbubble and
For artwork in general because it has helped me keep a better handle on things.
I’m pleased to have been turned onto Stumble Upon. It helps as a distraction when I’m fresh out of art ideas.
I’m grateful for having enough.
Things I’m Grateful For This Week
Thursday, January 10, 2008-7:37AM EST
Black Dog Black Shoes Old Bench
How safe are these shoes next to a dog this size? They’re safe. I haven’t lost as much as a belt with Captain Crunch. The bench has been victim to cats for the last 2 years though. With cat scratches and dog slobber it can’t be saved. At least they only scratch that. Heck, I got it out of the trash to make into a small table next to the loveseat. The cats took to it and made it their scratch post. As long as they leave the rest of the furniture alone, which they do, I figure it’s okay. I think Cap believes the little bench is an extension of the loveseat. I don’t know.
A Flawless Day
So, what does one do on a holiday when they don’t celebrate them? Well, I got up early, for some reason. I’m not sure why I woke at 8am but I did. I fiddled around happy that my roommate was gone. Around 10am he came back carrying loads of presents. I thought to myself, “He’s early. He can’t be early. I need to change the locks so he can’t get in when he comes back early.” I hurried back to my area because I wasn’t dressed quite right to be around him. “Gotta change those locks.” I thought. “Coming back early, what kinda crap is that?” I then went for a short nap that turned long, got up and made dinner, watched some TV, talked to a few friends and hung out on the love seat to watch a little more TV. That’s what I did.
Dinner: Linguine, roasted peppers, broccoli, diced tomatoes all in a garlic butter sauce with a 4 oz salmon fillet. A meal out like that would have cost me about $12 but a meal in cost me about $4. I paid $1 for the 4oz salmon fillet and $1 for the steam-in-bag veggies with Linguine. The other $2 comes in from garlic bread and coffee. It was a beautiful meal by candle light. I can’t complain at all.
I’ve gotta go watch my movie again, for the third time in a week. Flawless with Robert De Niro and Philip Seymour Hoffman. The movie isn’t one for people that can’t stand the F-word or who are a bit squeamish when it comes to the whole transvestite thing. It doesn’t have sexual overtones to it by any means but the supporting character is a “drag queen” who struggles to find his identity. The main character is an ex-cop who needs voice lessons to help him through a stroke. He takes the lessons from the “drag queen” down the hall. The reason I like the movie is because of how each of them has their mind set of how things should be and each of them are dead set in their ways. The “drag queen” thinks he has the whole world of heterosexuality figured out and the ex-cop doesn’t even attempt to understand the other world he just constantly makes fun of it. You see them both develop, but you don’t see them change their mind on who they think the other should be. I guess they tolerate each others differences. That’s not what draws me to the movie though. What draws me to it is how the “drag queen” has such issues with abandonment, not just with his abusive boyfriend but with the ex-cop De Niro as well. I keep watching him because something nags me about him. I haven’t put my finger on it yet. I suppose that’s why I keep watching it to try and figure out what it is about that character that I’m relating to. I got the movie from Dollar Tree. It was worth a buck. I’ve had it for over a year now but this week it came out of the plastic wrap. No clue why now but this week it actually got watched….several times in fact.
A Flawless Day-Tuesday, December 25, 2007-10:26PM EST
Random Memory Friday: Firsts
I remember the first time I fell in love. He was a boy named Danny that I was sure to marry. His mother and my mother talked about how our little curly headed kids would terrorize the world. I was deeply in love at what age 10?
I remember the first time I had that funny feeling in my stomach while watching John Cougar Mellancamp dance on MTV singing with his guitar. I said, “Mama why does my stomach feel like all funny when I watch him dance?” “It’s excitement she said.” I was embarrassed. That was my sophomore year in high school.
I remember walking down the middle of a train tack in
I remember the first time I went fishing. I caught a baby sting ray. On a Pier in
I remember the first time I had escargots. My family went to Houlihan’s Restaurant regularly for Sunday Brunch. On a week day we decided to go to dinner. Everyone was to order something they’d never had before. I ordered escargots. My mother didn’t make me finish it. Thank goodness! I also remember the first time I had octopus. I like it.
I remember my first taste of alcohol. I had a
I remember sharing a pack of Marlboro reds with my adult next door neighbor in the sixth grade. This was long before menthol cigarettes came about. I’d like to take back the beginning of my smoking years. That started at age nine.
I remember my mother telling me she was going to get ice cream and she’d be back. She returned with coffee flavored ice cream. I cried like a baby. I had my heart set on real ice cream. I hated coffee. It would only take a few more years, until I turned 9, that I’d have coffee at the start and in the middle of each day.
I remember singing the Black National Anthem in the tub with my mother outside the restroom listening. She knocked on the door, came in and told me I did a beautiful job. That was the fourth grade.
I remember laying eyes on my new baby brother for the first time thinking, “That’s the ugliest raisin-like baby to pop out of a human being I’ve ever seen.” Now, you couldn’t convince me the ground he walks on isn’t blessed and paved with gold.
I remember watching my great-grandmother lay in the hospital, shriveled, gray, more frail than I’d ever seen her. We spoke briefly in her native tongue. It was the last time I saw her. She is the only person in my family that went from cruel to a changed woman.
I remember when my mother made a box of brownies and teased us kids saying they were nasty and the right thing to do would be for her to eat them all and save us kids from the horror of nasty food. She used to tease us like that. It was funny.
I remember the very first talent show I was in. I sang the song “Baby Face” and my first love’s mother and father sang “Ebony and Ivory.” I knew most in the audience. They never let me live it down. They were forever pinching my chubby cheeks telling me how sweet I was and how I had the “cutest little baby face.” My sister and my mother and I sang many Barbara Streisand songs, many, many show tunes and danced in countless talent shows. It was the wildest thing to see the crowd stand up and cheer. Sometimes we couldn’t hear the music they were cheering so loudly. One song we did with such a response was “She Works Hard For Her Money” by Donna Summer. My mother gathered several girlfriends and their daughters to dress as different professions. We did the entire video then the three of us (my mother, sister and myself) did a dance solo. Oh my gosh it was a blast.
There are many first, these are just a few.
Austin
Random Memory Friday: Firsts-Friday, December 14, 2007-12:14AM EST
