I’m not sure why it makes me sad but it does. I’ve seen her several times and had lunch with her a few times at the University. I guess to get a letter from her via email today was more moving than I expected it to be. I literally brought me to tears.
Today I slept through therapy. I went to bed earlier than usual but wasn’t able to sleep due to extreme pain. I finally fell asleep around 9am and slept until 4:45PM. I woke when the phone rang. It was a friend calling to tell me she missed me a lot and that she loves me. She said she’d been thinking about me. It was hard to hear anyone’s voice at all because I just woke from a bad dream. I called my therapist to tell him I was sorry I missed my appointment. He wasn’t available. I’ll see him on Monday.
Continue reading ‘I remember too’
Dr. D told me on Wednesday about a new chronic pain support group at his office that he thought I may benefit from. I’m definitely interested BUT I’m worried too. I’m worried about my ability to sit in a room with several people, perhaps in a circle where I feel totally exposed. I also worry about the size of the room and where my seat is in relation to the door. I want to sit far away from the door but in sight of it. I figure the person who sits closest to the door is the “first to get got.” If I’m far away from the door it’ll take extra effort to get over to me. By that time I’ll be good and mad and ready for their stupid ass!!! I don’t want to be by the door but I do want to be in sight of it.
Continue reading ‘Support Group and Confession’
Published on
February 5, 2010 in
Medical.
Sleep, sleep, sleep, take meds, sleep more, get up and try to eat. Sleep, get on Facebook, sleep, take care of the critters and sleep some more. Take more meds, eat, sleep a tad bit more, check Facebook and email before sleeping again. These flair ups are kicking my butt royally. I’m so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open.
Wednesday I got out of therapy around 4pm but didn’t get home until 9:30PM because I had to pull over and sleep. The fatigue this time around is no joke!
Flair ups for me seem to get longer and longer. The last one lasted about 3 months with a break of about 2 months. I made it through most of this winter half ways okay. I suppose now is my time to crash and burn. I am truly down for the count.
I’ll update when ever. Who knows…..no clue, none at all. Right now I’m heading back to bed.
fma
At the bottom of my entry I mentioned that I have a few symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder. I realized a few years ago that it was kind of creeping up on me. The symptoms are very much like that of depression but usually show up stronger during the winter season. It’s your typical list of symptoms:
* Depression * Hopelessness * Anxiety * Loss of energy * Social withdrawal * Oversleeping * Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed * Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates * Weight gain * Difficulty concentrating and processing information.
The depression, which can feel like that of Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder depression is the type that drags you down so low you just can’t stand it. I literally walked around the house asking myself why I was so sad. It’s a deep, deep sadness that you don’t believe will lift. You spend a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong but there’s nothing specific to point to saying, this is why I feel so hopeless right now, this is why I wish to die. I kept trying to figure this out, am I harmonal? Am I, like my other family members, going through the change early? They all started around 35. I’m 38 years old. Could it be that I’m going through the change and that’s why I feel so out of control with emotions? I’m not certain but the one thing I do know is a month ago this out of control feeling started which is also when it started getting colder. Now, several years ago during the colder months I put in full spectrum bulbs as light therapy and it helped my depression.
Continue reading ‘Winter, S.A.D. and Global Warming’
…….I’ve considered it, strongly considered it. Despite the huge triggers due to past abuses I’ve been talking to my doctor about using acupuncture for the Fibromyalgia and the Lupus. I wonder how helpful it’ll be if they can’t put the needles in my hands or feet? Needles up and down my arms or in my feet is simply not an option. My head, neck, back, legs and all that they can work with but not my hands, arms, feet or butt.
Continue reading ‘Acupuncture’
Published on
November 17, 2009 in
Medical.
I did step one of my appointment. I now have 3 more to go. I plan to light some candles in the fireplace, eat a good dinner and watch a little TV. I’ll attend therapy tomorrow as planned.
Step 2 is tomorrow at 2:10PM.
fma
I had hoped to be able to schedule this MRI on a Tuesday so that I could go to therapy Monday, do the tests Tuesday then go back to therapy Wednesday. I figured after all that activity I’d be too dang tired to think about anything. I wanted to be able to fall back on physical exhaustion but the doc’s office called and wouldn’t allow me to wait until the 17th before acting. I go in tomorrow with the understanding that I do the MRI only and not the other tests in the same day. I’ll do the most important and the most revealing test first then come back to finish up the others but to do 3 to 4 hours worth of tests in one day then come home for a week end won’t be safe for me.
Continue reading ‘Next on the Schedule’
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