I set up a phone because I was way too tired to drive but that didn’t fully take place because the fatigue hit even harder and I had to sleep. Sometimes the fatigue comes on out of nowhere. Like a ton of bricks it hits me and I absolutely have to lie down, no two ways about it, I have to lie down or fall down. And its so strong it feels as if it’ll crack my mind. It’s almost as if that amount of tired is too much for my brain to handle and dangerously teeters on the brink of insanity.
Archive for the 'Medical' Category
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I knew I’d broken my tooth but what I didn’t realize was that I broke bone. In the last few days it was getting harder and harder to push that pain back, now I understand why.
I went to the dentist yesterday morning for the broken molar on top. I was quite nervous about going but when I got there the place was pretty empty and relatively quiet. I filled out the paper work then went back with the dental assistant who happened to be a middle aged, heavy set black woman. When I saw her I started to turn around and leave but I sucked it up and stayed. She was really nice, soft spoken, mild mannered.
I’m tired. My sleep is off again. I hate it when that happens.
Therapy was interesting.
Mary Jane is doing fine. Gus is doing fine. My two roommates are … well, they’re alive I guess. I haven’t seen them in a few days.
I did more clay work. It’s on the art site here.
From time to time I have an overwhelming desire to cry. I can feel it well up inside but then it disappears as quickly as it came.
I work today. I have to leave in 20 min. After work I intend to sleep more then work a bit more on the clay sculpture I’ve been trying to finish.
Great, they get like 300 miles to the gallon. Great, they’re compact and easy to park but they’re also a road hazard. When ever I see a smart car I laugh so hard at how stupid they look that I nearly wreck my car. They’re clearly a hazard to me.
You know your car is tiny when a two page magazine spread shows actual size. You know your car is too tiny when it makes a Mini Cooper look like an SUV.
The other day while driving home from my favorite art supply store a young woman in a “smart car” cut me off then slammed on her breaks in front of me. Stupid, just stupid! Don’t you know all it takes is you getting cut off by a butterfly to make that car flip 7 times? Your car is so tiny that the wind from butterfly wings could spin you out of control; still, you’re going to take a chance getting rear ended by a Nissan Sentra? Stupid!
Note: Text in color is meant for me
I can’t do this appointment blindly. I can’t just put it out of my mind and do it when its time. I have to think. I have to plan or I may end up hospitalized after. A good plan is needed to get this appointment done.
My fear about the appointment isn’t the actual pelvic exam its what happens before in the waiting room and after I get home. I have a PhD in dissociation, trust me, I won’t be there for the exam, but I’ll be there before and after. My concern is how much time I’ll spend in the waiting room, how much time I’ll spend in a gown waiting and of course late night flashbacks.
Waiting room time is unbearable but the wait inside the room in a robe cripples my courage. Once I’ve been in there for a few minutes its likely I’ll get dressed and leave. The doctor needs to come in and do the exam and let me go home. I can’t hang around waiting. The wait is just too much.
I’m still here. I figured I should write something, but what? I don’t know. Maybe I’ll blog more tomorrow.
I don’t think I’m depressed. I think I’m disconnected from most things, including art. So far I’ve punched out a few projects but not much at all, not my usual production. Truth be told, I’m not bothered by it. Before I would have pushed myself to create something but at this point I’m like, whateva. It doesn’t feel like a creative block, it feels like apathy.
Tomorrow afternoon I’m going to see a lady for meds that I haven’t seen in a long time. Since its rather difficult to find a decent psychiatrist within a reasonable driving distance, I’m sort of forced to see a nurse practitioner at my therapist’s office. I’ve seen her before and it didn’t work out that well, but I’m out of meds and need to get them filled. I know I’m going to struggling to give a full answer with helpful information. I’ll want to get out of there as soon as possible.
The last time I saw her is the time I told her I couldn’t work with her because of how hard it is to sit in a room with any female at all. She didn’t accept that answer and asked if the problem was because she’s straight and white. For some reason she thought if she were a black lesbian I’d be willing to see her. Okay, whatever, moron! I could easily go off on a tangent about that but I won’t. The main issue is that she’s female. The second issue is one I have seen happen with other female doctors and how they interact with female clients.
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