I look at my eyes and think, my goodness Faith, you’ve gotta do something to bring the light back. It’s been too long that your eyes have been heavy and dark. You’ve got to do something to bring the light back.
Update:
Archive for the 'PTSD' Category
I heard so many one line commands about who I shouldn’t trust but you never told me when its okay to trust.
Never trust a man when he tells you he loves you. He just wants to sleep with you.
Never trust anyone who says “trust me.”
When is it okay to believe a man who says “I love you?” Exactly when is it okay to trust at all? Please tell me, how did you summate the trustworthiness of a complete gender into one single sentence?
I have to wonder what on earth I’m doing? I mean really, am I just totally off my rocker or am I in a space now where I can venture out and not feel like I’m going to crash and burn? For me to even consider walking down this road says to me I’ve made a tad bit of progress in my healing.
I’ve said repeatedly that I can’t date a black girl because it’s too triggering. I’ve said that I like black women a lot (ooooo chocolate) but when I see them I think of my mother and it frightens me. At this point when I look at her I don’t think of my mother. When I see a mutual friend of ours I see my mother but not when I look at her. I guess my concern is that if this grows into anything and there’s sexual contact I’ll end up freaking out.
I told my mother I didn’t want to be a poet because the life of a poet always ends in tragedy.
I didn’t make a weighted blanket because I didn’t want another project. I just went ahead and weighted a large teddy bear I have. I opened the stitches on the side, removed the stuffing from the belly then added the appropriate amount of weight. I also removed some of the stuffing from the limbs. This particular bear has a small pocket where a little music box use to be. In place of the music box I put in a lavender pouch which can be removed to heat. The weighted bear with aromatherapy pouch works wonderfully.
This is called Three Stars and is far from finished. I still feel like I’m in a creative slump so I’m careful to stop and scan before each major step which is why she’s shown with a white background then one with more color.
(Oil pastel, ink)
I just read an article about how smoking may actually worsen my PTSD symptoms. I knew very well I was self medicating with tobacco but this article makes me think a little differently about the issue as it relates specifically to worsening my main problem which is PTSD.
Interestingly enough the article says that 50% of people with PTSD are smokers.
If you understand anything at all about conditioning and reinforcement then this article will make sense to you. Like me, it may also give you a moment of pause.
Smoking worsens PTSD symptoms, say doctors
Half of those with disorder smoke, but nicotine may reinforce bad memories
from the MSNBC website
fma
Lost - SanDisk MP3 Player
Lost - Relief from hypervigilance
Lost - Independence (functionality)
This morning I got up and prepared myself for therapy. When I pulled off I nearly slammed into Fife Senior’s car. I realized I was a bit dissociative so I stayed put for a bit. After waiting it out I pulled off and ran a quick errand then headed to the therapist’s office. The clock on the dash said I was making good time so I was quite relieved about that.
Since my radio doesn’t work I plug my MP3 player into the lighter socket and listen to my playlists. When I reached for it in my pocket it wasn’t there. I felt each pocket (while steering with my knee) then decided to pull over to check. Because I’d made a driving error which caused a few honked horns I decided that when I pulled over it would be at the parking lot across the street NOT the liquor store straight in front of me. I didn’t want to make it seem like I was driving crazy to get loaded. In the OTHER parking lot I pulled everything out but couldn’t find it. Fear, straight up fear. It was nowhere to be found.
RECENT COMMENTS