Archive for the 'Morton’s Pride' Category

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This Path

Published on January 28, 2011 in Depression, Morton's Pride, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments

I’ve been depressed but uncertain as to why. I couldn’t figure it out so I went back and looked at old entries. While looking back I noticed triggers as well as my reactions to those triggers. I find it interesting that after a mother issue my Mute alter surfaces followed by a very vocal yet vicious one.

I’m physically and emotionally exhausted and now I know why.

Dec 1st, 2010, started listening to The Rose again. Painted picture of rose on a hill with gold.
Amy Pink has been out more and longer, hours at a time, exhausting.
Dec 9, 2010 defensive, Robert out more, as protection against mother. Strong concerns we’d lose ourselves. Stripped of femininity.
Dec 11,  Robert becomes more and more vicious, tortures us with strict detail of abuses, laughs, looks like mother when does it.
Dec 17,  Increased nightmares – sister in cage, flies in my purse
Dec 21st, noticeable instability
Dec 24th, started working again outside the home
Dec 24th, mother shows up around 3:30am
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On Crossing the Street

Published on December 30, 2010 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Letters Home, Morton's Pride and Therapy. 0 Comments

The session itself went just fine. Dr. D (finally) kicked in to helping me stay grounded enough to not go so far in my head I couldn’t get back. I left the session with Amy Smiles out, giggling of course cause that’s what she does. When I got out to the waiting room I began to search for my lighter to get a cigarette so that Morton would come back out and drive us home. Joan is MIA at the moment so Morton needed to take us home. She looked all through our bag but couldn’t find a lighter, she panicked. She thought she would have to stay out until finally Morton made his way back forward. She began to cry right there in the middle of the waiting room. Embarrassed!

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Paintings By Amy Pink

Published on December 25, 2010 in Art, Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder and Morton's Pride. 3 Comments

Despite the fact that its totally exhausting to have a young one out for an extended period of time, Amy Pink has been at her painting yet again. She absolutely loves it and finds peace while doing it, so why not? One of the concerns she has about people seeing her work is that they’ll wonder if an adult helped her paint it. I’ll tell you now, no, she did this on her own. If you need a reason for why a 5 year old paints well then think of this, she’s a 5 year old in a 40 year old body. So there you have it, the girl paints quite well and I’m proud of her little self.  She puts her heart and soul into her work so I thought I’d brag on her a little bit.

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DREAM: Sister in Dog Crate

Published on December 17, 2010 in Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dreams, Morton's Pride and PTSD. 0 Comments

In last nights dream I kept my sister in a dog crate on the floor with a food bowl just outside her reach. I sat in a very messy room eating a plate of food watching her paw at the bowl outside the crate. She tried to break out of the crate but I warned her that she would be hurt badly if she attempted to escape again. I planned on going over there to inflict a serious beating if she kicked the cage one more time. She calmed down and I finished my meal.

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Vulnerability

Published on December 9, 2010 in Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Fear, Morton's Pride, PTSD, Therapy and Trust. 0 Comments

Yesterday in therapy Dr. D and I discussed how hard it is for me to be vulnerable. He said most aren’t comfortable with vulnerability unless they feel something along with that vulnerability. I had no idea what he meant so he explained that one must also feel trust in order to tolerate vulnerability. He said if a person were to cry in front of a stranger it might be too overwhelming but if they cried in front of a friend they trust then that vulnerability is tolerable.

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Pet-EZE™ Step 2

Published on November 25, 2010 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Morton's Pride, Pets and PTSD. 0 Comments

I went to Petsmart and got some Pet-EZE™  for Mary Jane. I got what’s called Step 2 for her in the pill form. I give her 1/2 a pill around 9pm and it calms her just enough that she’s not pacing the floors yowling. As a matter of fact she seems rather content…she’s even playing with her toys and stuff. She’s not drooling or staggering around or anything like that. She sleeps regularly, not more than I’d expect her too. The best sign for me that the meds aren’t dragging her down is to see her play.

Around 11pm last night she did that thing where cats lose their heads for an hour and run all over the house. That doesn’t bother me at all. I like to see it, it tells me they’re alive and playful and happy. Later in the evening, when she covered the apartment about 30 times, she came in the room and rested on the bed with me. Calm, calm, calm… and seemingly happy.

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Lines, Divisions and Definitions

Published on November 4, 2010 in Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Morton's Pride and Therapy. 0 Comments

While reading this part of my entry he stopped with a question that struck me as funny.

Today Jelly Bean held her little duck toy as Dr. D read something we wrote. She chewed on his leg a little bit and bounced him around. She was in her own little world…but waiting for him to do whatever he was going to do to her. He never did.

Somehow from that Dr. D thought we meant Jelly Bean pretended to chew on his leg and to pretend to bounce him around instead of the duck toy.  The thought of chewing on my doctor’s leg and bouncing a grown man around is too funny.

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