Despite being tired, despite the depression, I know there is still joy to be had. I can’t let the pain blind me. I have to keep my eyes open and not fall into the traps of deep depression. I have to be watchful and avoid those stumbling blocks that lead to deeper depression.
Archive for the 'Therapy' Category
This boy is odd but he’s sweet. I’m used to big dogs not tiny little mice, but I’m getting the hang of it. I thought for a second I might need a Little Dog Support Group but it seems I’m able to manage the huge differences in behavior and energy levels.
I’ve never in my life had a dog who slept on the night stand. The first time I saw him on the nightstand I was alarmed. I’m not sure why but I was like, what on earth?!!!! I’m not quite used to it yet but at least I’m not completely blown away that my dog sits on the nightstand and looks at me just like a cat. Oh me! Continue reading ‘You’re a Strange Boy Mikey Mouse’
What happens if my neighbors find this blog and find out I have DID? Will they be afraid, distant, not willing to stand and chat with me outside and laugh about silly things? Will they grow distant? Like the nurses I’d have to look them in the eye knowing they know what happened. It’s so much different when someone reads your truth but you never have to look them in the eye. But to see them and know they know, that’s difficult. Supervisor Rachet said she knows I like things in threes. I was like, what the heck? How did you know that? Do you know how far back in the blog that is? I’m like dang, do they know my entire story? I wanted a place for my voice but right now it seems more threatening to have a blog than helpful…yet I write. Continue reading ‘The Pied Piper’
It hurts to take a shower, nearly takes my breath away with pain when that water hits me. Even though my pain level is high, I’ve felt pretty good emotionally. For the most part I feel okay emotionally.
I got a letter in the mail from a woman I’ve become pen pals with a year ago. I used to hate the idea of having a pen pal. It felt like a lot of pressure, scared me a bit. I met her at the convention in Ohio. She too has chronic pain which is what connected us. She also has issues with being quickly overwhelmed by sound. So far I’ve written two letters and she has written two. I don’t feel like I have to pump out a letter every week, nor does she. I think that was part of my original fear with having a pen pal. Continue reading ‘Pain. Good Mood. Letters. Art’
First off, I went to bed early and feel like I’ve slept a year, literally. But……that’s not the dream.
The dream started with me getting out of bed to find the house in terrible disarray. As I looked around I noticed my bedroom wasn’t just in disarray it was filthy. I stepped over things to get out of the bedroom door. The rest of the house wasn’t much better.
My mother and sister were behaving strangely. I’d ask a question and they’d give a joke as an answer then do a clown dance. I asked if we were moving, they said no. As the dream progressed the mother and sister’s belongings were boxed up. By that time I was irritated because I knew they were lying to me. I wanted her to look me in the face and tell me we were moving again and tell me why. She just kept making jokes and wrestle playing with my sister. It was carnival mockery.
I brought in the painting called Emerson for Dr. D to see. We talked about that for a little bit and discussed some of the art in my art therapy book.
We then talked about how several times over the last week or so I woke to find the front door unlocked. The first thing I said to him was, it started before Mikey got here. I haven’t gotten up in the middle of the night to take him out then left the door open. This started happening before he got here.
Dr.D and I went over the three dreams today in therapy. He asked what I thought they meant and I told him that I feel lost. I feel lost in my mind and in my heart. I feel lost. I think that’s part of the reason I kept getting lost in the dreams. Each time I went into the wrong apartment or house with devastating results. I was in constant danger of prolonged pain or severe emotional trauma if I lived. I mentioned that in the dreams someone else was driving the cars when they crashed. They had no control. I had no control. I feel like I have little control over things right now.