This boy is odd but he’s sweet. I’m used to big dogs not tiny little mice, but I’m getting the hang of it. I thought for a second I might need a Little Dog Support Group but it seems I’m able to manage the huge differences in behavior and energy levels.
I’ve never in my life had a dog who slept on the night stand. The first time I saw him on the nightstand I was alarmed. I’m not sure why but I was like, what on earth?!!!! I’m not quite used to it yet but at least I’m not completely blown away that my dog sits on the nightstand and looks at me just like a cat. Oh me! Continue reading ‘You’re a Strange Boy Mikey Mouse’
What happens if my neighbors find this blog and find out I have DID? Will they be afraid, distant, not willing to stand and chat with me outside and laugh about silly things? Will they grow distant? Like the nurses I’d have to look them in the eye knowing they know what happened. It’s so much different when someone reads your truth but you never have to look them in the eye. But to see them and know they know, that’s difficult. Supervisor Rachet said she knows I like things in threes. I was like, what the heck? How did you know that? Do you know how far back in the blog that is? I’m like dang, do they know my entire story? I wanted a place for my voice but right now it seems more threatening to have a blog than helpful…yet I write. Continue reading ‘The Pied Piper’
It hurts to take a shower, nearly takes my breath away with pain when that water hits me. Even though my pain level is high, I’ve felt pretty good emotionally. For the most part I feel okay emotionally.
I got a letter in the mail from a woman I’ve become pen pals with a year ago. I used to hate the idea of having a pen pal. It felt like a lot of pressure, scared me a bit. I met her at the convention in Ohio. She too has chronic pain which is what connected us. She also has issues with being quickly overwhelmed by sound. So far I’ve written two letters and she has written two. I don’t feel like I have to pump out a letter every week, nor does she. I think that was part of my original fear with having a pen pal. Continue reading ‘Pain. Good Mood. Letters. Art’
This is the third time Dr. D has suggested that I go inpatient. I just don’t want to. I simply don’t want to. I’m not suicidal. The difficulty is that I allowed some destructive things to be done to me. It’s hard to say really. But he thought it was serious enough to suggest that I’m not thinking right. I know it. I’m sorry. I feel so out of it………just so lost. I have moments of clarity but I stay lost for a long time it seems.
I left for my therapy session at 1:30pm and got home at 4:30pm. I went straight to bed then woke at 9:30pm. I had a call from the physical therapist who will come after the doctor comes tomorrow. I’m worried about telling her what I did. Worried about infection, worried they’ll want a 72 hour hold, worried. Worried and tired…….and lost.
Continue reading ‘Inpatient. Therapy.’
I think it’s safe to say there’s some anxiety about the move and about being here. I’m almost totally unpacked but I’m not settled in. The funny thing is, I sleep just fine. I don’t feel unsafe or worried about closing my eyes. I guess my anxiety is general about being in a new place. Soon I should walk around and look at the grounds to give myself a better picture of the area.
While packing I knew I wanted to be able to paint but I let myself simply put color on paper without worrying if the piece was good or not. I didn’t need to create a masterpiece, I just needed to put paint on paper. What I noticed is as the move got closer the art become more complex, more agitated. After the move it went off the chain with anxiety. Before the move I used wet acrylic paint, after the move I used primarily crayon and white paint.
As time goes on I’ll be more acclimated, more comfortable and less anxious. Getting my art table together is a must so I can start to throw paint around again.
I’ve been keeping a little book where I have the doctor’s write down when they come and what they did while they were here. I have them write important information down so that I’m not as confused by all of it as before. On most of the pages I’ve painted something that symbolizes how I feel about that particular visitor as well as the visit itself.
Hardcover book 3 x 5
Every step is of this journey is worth it!
Notes from the docs
Notes from the docs
The last few months of my health care are spelled out in a book of collages, drawings, paintings and scribbles. Upon review, seeing art makes the pill easier to swallow. This is my way of processing what’s going on and making ugly a little more palatable.
Oh, and, of course the book cover has sunflowers on it. ….. naturally, duh!
Yesterday afternoon was a good day. I got outside for a little bit and walked around. I found a few really cool things, the best of which was a dandelion. I proudly put it in my hair and walked home. I don’t know, that little dandelion made my day. I even found a nice moss bed which I promptly gathered to dry here at home for a future project.
Continue reading ‘Good Day, Long Night’