My personal word for the day is resilience.
Resilience: the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., after being bent, compressed, or stretched; elasticity.
Power and ability stand out for me in this definition as does returning to the original state of being. I don’t mean I need to return to being one person because I don’t know what that means. I told someone the other day that while I wish for integration it’s much like someone who feels the grass is greener on the other side. Heck, I may get over there (in the world of singletons) and think, “Get me out of here! I don’t like this shade of green!” The original form I’m talking about is the person I was born to be. That person still exists but is hard pressed to breathe under all this gunk. I need to get her unearthed and let her live in today, let her stand up from her bent (but unbroken) position.
The best way for me to be resilient is to practice my coping skills and make them a part of my life, not just words on a piece of paper. I also need to let myself grow and make opportunities for personal growth.
Resilience is my word for the day and my goal for the day.
fma
I heard so many one line commands about who I shouldn’t trust but you never told me when its okay to trust.
Never trust a man when he tells you he loves you. He just wants to sleep with you.
Never trust anyone who says “trust me.”
When is it okay to believe a man who says “I love you?” Exactly when is it okay to trust at all? Please tell me, how did you summate the trustworthiness of a complete gender into one single sentence?
Continue reading ‘When Can I Trust That I Am Loved?’
This is called Three Stars and is far from finished. I still feel like I’m in a creative slump so I’m careful to stop and scan before each major step which is why she’s shown with a white background then one with more color.
(Oil pastel, ink)
Continue reading ‘Creating with Low Self Esteem’
The following 3 responses were to a video shown on The Onion. I removed one persons name because she doesn’t need to be involved in this.
Name removed
too much. unsubscribing now.
sunnstone (me)
@name removed
Too much like the Jaycee Dugard story isn’t it? Too close to too many real stories.
Somehow I don’t see sex slaves,. murder and “sired children” by rapists funny at all. Maybe I’m just normal is all and don’t find these things funny. Give me a few years of being able to look the other way and pretend these things don’t happen, then I’ll give videos like this 5 stars.
Thank you for your voice too. May you always know right from wrong. This is wrong!
SeriousPieEnthusiast
@sunnstone shut up faggotass nigger
Here’s the video that sparked the above responses.
Continue reading ‘How To Desensitization Rape and Abuse’
Published on
February 8, 2010 in
Anger, Anxiety, Art Therapy, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Mental Health, PTSD, Therapy and Trust.
Tags: crayon and marker, mixed media.
There’s too much in these paintings to try and explain everything. I think the 
overall theme is anxiety, rage and grief.
When Dr. D saw this one here he didn’t notice at firs that it’s a human head vomiting up flowers. The head is tilted back and is strangled by a golden rope as flowers “grow” from it’s open, strained mouth. He said it’s disturbing but very well describes how hard it can be to manage what I feel. He said to keep writing, keep drawing what’s in my head and dreams because the work will pay off in healing. God, I hope so. I’d like to try and do a digital version of Flower Pot. I like that it expresses the feeling of being overwhelmed in an accurate but grotesque way. Grotesque is important since there’s nothing comfortable at all about how I’m feeling.
My therapist and I discussed the hanging people. I tried to explain to him that they aren’t suicide gestures but an illustration of how overwhelming emotion can be sometimes. My thoughts and emotions sometimes feel so powerful that it feels as if they could kill me. This is not me hanging but emotions strangling me. One of the things we talked about too is how the figure has evolved from a simple dress-like figure to one with hands and feet to one with distinctive clothing. I commented that perhaps the emotions are getting a little clearer and less generalized. I hope that’s the case. I hope things get clearer in my head.
Continue reading ‘Flowering’
Most of these are based on anger and feeling overwhelmed and taxed. One in particular has to do with Bella being sick yet again. There’s one I like to call basic or primitive which is the box with the three colors around it. It shows how shut down I was feeling after a nightmare written about in my sketchbook. One drawing shows a woman hanging from a tree. There’s a house in another tree and they’re surrounded by bright colors as her body is picked over by vultures. I have no idea where that came from but I do know I purposely made it all bright and sunny with a very dark theme.
Some of my anger issues have to do with the loss of a friendship which I cherished. I’m quite angry over that and wish it hadn’t come to such a senseless end as it did. There’s confusion and concern for why I can’t seem to keep my head on straight at home right now. Also in the drawings are a few dream themes of things morphing from one thing to another. I think the one that stands out for me most is the one that’s all bright and cheerfully painted but has a dark theme. It’s presented as almost a childlike drawing, presented as innocent and maybe even fun, that’s what the colors say anyway. It’s hard to know what to feel when I look at it. It’s a true representation of my inner conflict, of the face I show outside, the craziness in my head, where I want to go, where I’ve been and the loss of energy trying to make sense of it all. There are so many contradictions and …..yeah, nothing is what it seems to be. Never trust the colors……
Continue reading ‘Never Trust The Colors’
As much as I trust my boy I’ve had difficulties with allowing him to stand behind me or lay behind my chair. I can’t see him and it drives me batty. This is the same dog I sleep beside and have no issues with turning my back to but when I’m not in bed it drives me crazy for him to be behind me. In therapy today we talked about how instead of me feeling afraid because someone is behind me I end up feeling angry. Dr. D suggested that sometimes anger makes a person feel less vulnerable and powerless than when they feel afraid. I get that but I can think of a situation that may have changed this all from fear to anger.
Continue reading ‘Anxiety and Anger in Color’
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