Archive for the 'Art Therapy' Category

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A Face to My Anger Pt2

Published on January 19, 2012 in Anger, Art, Art Therapy, Emotions, Female Sadist, PTSD and Therapy. 4 Comments

……… My mother isn’t a mystery to me nor is she one dimensional. She is concrete which makes her a lot easier to me angry with.

Mother anger issues:

I have more memories of her than any other family member; including my older sister which may be one reason my anger towards her is stronger than other family members.

I was intrigued by her. I thought she was larger than life only to find out she was just another sadist in a dress.

I feel lied to. I feel as if my childhood was filled with lies by her and that I’m just now unraveling them and finding the truth. Each truth I find seems to bring up a little more anger for her.

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Preparations Permission Happiness

Published on October 11, 2011 in Art Therapy, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Emotions, Grief Sadness Loss, Love, Morton's Pride and Trust. 1 Comment

Two days ago I purchased a gift for my friend Maureen. I can’t wait for her to see it. I can feel her getting closer and closer which means I won’t be around again. I wanted to get her a thank you gift for all the homey touches she’s made here so I picked up a vintage ruler. It’s actually a wooden brick mason’s ruler but I know she’ll like it because it’s vintage. It’s a Lufkin No 636 and it folds up nicely.  For just a buck I can make her smile. I like that.

I know she’s getting closer. I know this because I can feel her, but this means I won’t be here. Since I won’t be around I went ahead and paid everything for the month and filled the house with groceries. I made sure there’s a variety of a food so that even if Robert takes the helm he’ll have food he likes. I need to get some chalk for our chalk board so I can write to Amy, L.J. and Little Anna that they can do the basics. They don’t know they can eat, get something to drink or use the restroom without asking. They have no idea it’s 2011 because they’re stuck in the year of their age. When I was their age I had to ask to do absolutely everything. I didn’t make a move until I was told to. Those three still ask.

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Excessive Apologies and Art Therapy

Published on July 18, 2011 in Abuse, Anxiety, Art Therapy, Borderline Personality Disorder, Emotions, Fear, PTSD and Relationships. 2 Comments

I stopped apologizing to the family that helped me move. I wanted to apologize for existing, apologize for the amount of dust in the house, apologize for everything. I apologized twice, I think, then told them there would be no more. It’s uncomfortable for others when I over apologize but man I wanted to say it every 5 min just so they knew I realized what I burden I was being. I didn’t because it wasn’t necessary. That family, my friends, were there not out of obligation but because they wanted to be. That feels good ya know? They didn’t have to, they wanted to help.

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Art Moves

Published on June 26, 2011 in Art, Art Therapy and Therapy. 2 Comments Tags: .

While sorting and making decisions on what will go with me on this move and what will not, one thing became painfully clear. I have a lot of art. I don’t want to move it with me so I’m offering a few pieces in my Etsy shop.

Rochelle's Dream small tin foil painting SOLD

SOLD Purple Flowers Watercolor Painting Original

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Art Therapy During Psych Hospitalization

Published on June 26, 2011 in Art, Art Therapy, Depression, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD and Therapy. 0 Comments Tags: .

In the hospital there was a real art therapist who talked to us about establishing our own world. I kind of had a hard time hearing her because as she spoke I sat at her table filled with markers, paints, crayons, clay and paper. I nearly drooled.

Above my over joyed heartbeat I heard her explain that in our new world we’d decide who can and can’t come to our world. We’d decide if people worked, how they lived, how they got their food and so on. Everything was up to us. When I heard that part assignment I declined  to participate.  I just messed with clay while others drew a world they felt they could be happy in. Not surprisingly many removed the so-called good idea of capitalism. I found that interesting.

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The moment moving became necessary.

Published on June 23, 2011 in Abuse, Anger, Anxiety, Art Therapy, Emotions, PTSD and Relationships. 0 Comments

In therapy we talked about feeling as if I’m still holding on by a thread. I still feel frazzled and worn out. I feel as if I’m walking 6 inches above the ground and like it’ll be forever before my feet touch it again. We talked about how the intensity of the situation a few days ago may be over for them but for me Junior’s intensity has caused emotional fall out. I can’t let myself think about if they know I’m still upset or let myself worry about the possible “let it go” remarks. What I know is this, the minute he put his foot in my door I changed!

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Jobless. Home life. Art Therapy.

Published on May 26, 2011 in Anxiety, Art Therapy, Emotions, Medical, PTSD and Relationships. 2 Comments Tags: , .

I’m now jobless. There’s a whole story behind that which I’d rather not go into but… I’m now jobless and I’m happy as all get out that its not my fault. I didn’t screw it up.

I didn’t realize how much time had passed between entries. I’ve lost a heck of a lot of time in general.

I’ve been writing myself more and more notes so I can keep up with myself. I’m not sure its working.

Fife’s daughter has been here twice this week which has been mega stressful. Usually I make idol threats about people and say I want to beat ‘em up or something but I’m 100% kidding. With this girl I’m not. I really just want to stomp her in the ground. I wish I didn’t feel that way about her but I do. I want to bash her until I’m tired.

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