We were dancing. The only time we felt free to move was when we danced alone. A masked lady asked questions about DID but I had a hard time helping her understand it’s not always obvious when a person switches. She thought every survivor must have DID and that every person who acted out of character must have DID. She told me about a case study where a man who hurt people probably did so because of his disorder. I tried to explain that I knew the case and the man never even implied he had inside people. As we talked small children danced and pretended to have a good time. When the masked women went inside the sun immediately went down and the small children disappeared. I danced with a young man who lived with the masked woman. The only time he moved freely was when he danced alone.
The dream changed from the two of us outside alone on a hill with huge stars in the sky to me naked and being spat on by him and another person. I can’t remember if the other person was male or female. I was soaked from head to food in spit. I got away from them and went inside the house where the mother of the two people was to try and get some clothing and maybe a ride home. The mother was combative and angry about my disorder. Continue reading ‘DREAM: Backwards Motion’
A recurrent theme in my dreams is cats multiplying or deformed cats. To try and better understand the presence of cats in my dreams I decided to do a bit of research. What I understand a bit better is how much I struggle with powerlessness and individuality. I often felt I didn’t have a choice or that I didn’t exist without my mother.
I know in general the cats represent me but I was uncertain if there was more to the deformation of the newborns. I found only one reference that comes close to my experiences. The Curious Dreamer gave several options for what deformed kittens/puppies may mean but this here seems most appropriate for me:
Deformity: Feeling affected in the area symbolized by the deformed body part (such as a deformed foot representing the feeling less able to make progress in your life)
Kittens/Puppies: Your inner child, playfulness, self-responsibility. The need to take more time for yourself, have more fun, and nurture yourself and your sense of play more. Dreaming of this animal can represent: Someone or something in your real life with whom you associate one of these qualities (an event, situation, threat, etc.)
When I dream about deformed newborns the mother gives birth then the newborn multiplies. She gives birth again and that baby multiplies. It splits into another, so on and so forth until there are sometimes hundreds of deformed kittens lying outside in the grass at night. They’re usually on the lawn of the house I lived in during the fourth grade. Most disturbing for me are the faceless kittens. The faceless newborns usually have no body; they’re just a faceless head lying in the grass. Continue reading ‘Dream Notes: Cats, Kittens, Deformity’
The dream started out with me in the kitchen of a house I’ve never been in before. There was a huge crash which ended up being a rock that was tossed through the living room window. Although one rock was tossed three separate windows were broken. They were broken with the same fractures as if the rock was tossed the exact same way with the exact same speed and everything else precise two more times, right beside the first window. That is of course impossible.
I went outside to see what was going on. Just then a group of people walked up to me and said they were waiting for an ambulance and while they waited could they use my restroom. I looked at everyone to measure their distress level and decided to tell the spokesperson for the group that I wouldn’t be able to do that. Humiliated, embarrassed and ashamed that I had to turn them away, I pointed the group to a restaurant across the street. Of course they were upset (pissed if you will). I tried to explain to one person that I just couldn’t do it. I have obsessive compulsive disorder and I couldn’t let them use my restroom. He shook his head in understanding then left with the small crowd. I’m not sure where they went.
My sister then re-appeared in the dream and told me there was some big to-do at the small cottage in the backyard. I went back there, knocked on the door and was promptly allowed access. Once inside I saw school age children ranging from 6 to 12 years old sitting on wooden benches that lined the first large open room. Continue reading ‘DREAM: Broken Windows and Hostages’
The full dream is written out here.
DREAM COMMENTARY:
Three small windows side by side all broken in the same spot with the very same fracture. Symbolic to say the least. I’m going to go as far as to say the windows represent me, my mother and my sister. We were all victims at one point in our life. The offenders were family, the rock. They hurt us to the core, dead smack in the middle.
I’m going to say the hostage was both my sister and myself. The first hostage who laughed at the aggressor was me. The trusting hostage who “gave ammunition” was my sister. My response to the torture of the trusting hostage was to identify with the aggressor. I didn’t blame the aggressor for torturing the hostage. I blamed the hostage for putting herself in a position that let the aggressor torture her with more ammunition. I put fault on the victim instead of the aggressor. This is exactly how I related to my sister concerning her responses to my mother. This is called “identifying with the aggressor.”
It is also possible that the hostage is but one person, me. There were times I needed my mother’s trust and understanding. There were times I felt tricked into revealing too much information which she later used to mock me. I kicked myself for being so stupid as to let my guard down. Continue reading ‘DREAM Commentary: Broken Windows and Hostages’
This is a three part entry with two dreams and one re-write.
Dream One
A few days ago I had a dream that I was back in the 10th grade house only as an adult. My sister and I were in bed together in the mother’s room waiting for someone who loved her to come and discover her. They’d known each other, he thought he lost her but was going to come to the house to discuss this loss with me. The sister was going to surprise him when he walked in the bedroom. As we lay there I heard rustling outside. After investigating it became clear to me two men were going to break in. The man in the get away car told the other criminal not to harm us but to find out what we know then leave. I attempted to warn my sister of the danger but instead of heading it she went to the door to see what the man wanted. He pushed his way in and over took her. I ran to the back and climbed out the window of the mother’s bedroom. It was pitch black out there except for back porch lights. The field was full of lions and wolves waiting for me to let my guard down so they could pounce. Continue reading ‘DREAM: Trust Love and Forgiveness Pt1-3′
Dream Two
This dream is from this morning. I was riding in the backseat of a car trying to convince some Islamic people not to hang a man who had shown disrespect to their people. He too was Islamic but he was disrespectful and was going to be hanged. I reached over to hand a man something, I don’t remember what it was, and my hand accidentally touched his. He was furious and felt disrespected. He said I too would be hanged. I lowered my eyes and asked him for forgiveness and explained that I didn’t intend to touch a married man and I had no intentions of being disrespectful. He didn’t care. He told the driver to hurry up because they were going to hang me too. At this point I looked up at him and said, “What ever happened to forgiveness? Don’t you forgive?” I asked if he had a Messiah or if there was some kind of belief they held that would cover this sin against him. I don’t remember if he answered or not. We pulled up to the site where a man had already been put to death. The two of us were forced out of the vehicle. The driver turned the radio off which had been playing the song “Bruised But Not Broken” by Joss Stone.
“Been alot that I’ve been through
I cried a tear a time or two
Baby, you know I cried some over you, yeah
Had my heart kicked to the ground
Love ripped me up and tore me down, baby
But that ain’t enough to break
‘Cause I’ll rise above it
And I’ll pick myself up
And I’ll dust the pain off of my heart Continue reading ‘DREAM: Trust Love and Forgiveness Pt2-3′
(as part of dream therapy you re-write the dream for an ending that you can live with or where you are the victor instead of the victim.)
My sister and I are sleeping in separate rooms when I hear a burglar at the door. I run to wake my sister who is sleeping as she always does, like an letter in an envelope. Her blankets are straight, folded very neatly at the top and nothing is out of order. She’s sleeping like a picture perfect princess. I giggle and think to myself, “How on earth does she sleep like that?” then I shake her to let her know we have to get out of the house. She jumps to her feet, throws the covers back to their original position. I notice the bed looks as if she never slept in it at all. I shake my head and we run to her window and climb out together. The sister who will be called Mia is down below telling me to jump and hurry because she thinks they’re already in the house. I’m afraid of heights and have always been but I know jumping is necessary. At the bottom Mia and I run into the field knowing full well we’ll have to fight off lions and wolves. Mia heads in first and tells me to stay close behind her. We’re going to the highway then into the city for help. As we pass through the field we don’t see any danger but we know it’s all around us. Several houses have a porch light but Mia senses they won’t help so we keep going. A lady approaches us and says she’ll take us only as far as the highway. Again sensing danger Mia denies assistance and takes us through the dark, overgrown field.
Despite sleeping her hair is perfect, her pink nightgown is without wrinkles and there’s not a drop of sweat on her. Continue reading ‘DREAM: Trust Love and Forgiveness Re-write’
RECENT COMMENTS