Sundrip Journals
9:49 pm
Every last one of my fish are dead, every last one of them. The snails and the pleco are still alive but all the fish are dead. They died on my birthday. I wish it hadn’t happened today.
I’m going to tear the tank down, clean it really well then fill it again. I’ll let it cycle then start over. It’s sad. I liked them a lot.
I’ve slept most of the day away. I’ve been so exhausted for some reason.
The long and short of it is this, today one man’s suicide changed the lives of possibly hundreds of people. When I first heard it my heart went out to the man who sat on top of a parking garage, shot himself then fell 8 stories to the pavement. I know the kind of depression and anger towards life in general that can drive a person to want to die. I just said it the other day and in fact I’ve been seriously suicidal for two long months. I know how it feels to be driven to the edge, so when I heard a man killed himself today my immediate response was sorrow and understanding, that is until I heard the details.
I saw this beauty on my screen door Monday morning and hoped my camera batteries would charge fast enough to catch him on film. What a beauty. After looking up info on the Pale Green Luna Moth I discovered that this is an adult male who will live for only about 7 days. In addition to his short adult life he doesn’t eat because he doesn’t have a mouth, none of the adults do. I guess when I saw such a large hairy creature I figured the information would say he’s predatory and can eat small mice or something. Who knew these large gentle, short-lived creatures eat nothing at all in adulthood. Continue reading ‘Stuff In My Yard: Pale Green Luna Moth’
**comments are off**
Me: It doesn’t matter what you do, you can’t win with me.
Dr. D: I’m not trying to win or lose.
Me: I mean no matter what you do today it won’t be right. I just doesn’t matter, I’m too angry to hear you.
Dr. D: I thought you felt better, that’s what you said Monday.
Me: I do feel better. I don’t fear that I’m going to walk in front of a bus like I worried about before. That’s better, I’m not nearly as impulsive, but I still don’t care and I still just don’t want to be here.
I talked to my friend Grace on the phone today. When talking to her I needed a bit more light so I went to turn on the fish tank light and discovered 3 of 7 fish dead. They couldn’t have been dead more than an hour because I’d just turned the light off and saw them swimming around. I don’t know what happened in that hour to kill off 3 of them but they sure are dead. That totally sucks. The three fat ones I’ve had the longest are at 8 inches and seem hardy. Lets hope they remain that way.
I have 4 tanks but only three are stocked. I keep the 4th one ready to use as a hospital but I had no idea I’d need it because there was no sign at all that they were ill. Whatever changed happened quickly and took 3 fish out in a nanosecond.
This may sound as if I’m completely out of my mind but I’m writing this as an example of how someone pushed by financial strain can begin to re-think what they would or wouldn’t do for money. What I’m going to say may shock some, others may be able to relate. All that is to say, what you may read here is something you may not have ever thought you’d hear me say but rest assured, it’s something I never really thought I’d seriously consider.
I’m still here. I’m somewhat side tracked but I wanted to post a few words. I don’t know what else to say. I’m sort of blogging and watching Big Brother. I know it’s shallow but I love that show. I’m watching it on the net right now and there’s a commercial but I realized I hadn’t said anything in two days.
Monday I start therapy again which means this evening my vacation if officially over….as is the commercial set. Gotta run.
Faith
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