Self Love: An Opinion

Published on January 11, 2012 in Emotions, Letters Home, Love, PTSD and Trust. 1 Comment

Self Love: An Opinion – Monday, November 28, 2011-2:46pm EST

I got a letter today from Grace who spoke of the elusive act of self love. She commented that everything and everyone is taken care of BEFORE she has her own needs met. This is common, I know. Mothers do it a lot, friends do it, teachers and everyone else. This is where my opinion on the matter comes in. I think part of the reason we do it has to do with running from ourselves. If I keep moving, keep doing for others then I move right past my own empty feelings and need for nurturing and care.

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At the Mother’s House

Published on January 11, 2012 in Anxiety, Emotions, Fear and PTSD. 0 Comments

What an unpleasant surprise. I use a medical transportation service to get to therapy now. The service I use is much nicer than Yellow Cab. They’re cleaner and they don’t stress me. I do, however, sometimes have to share the ride with one other person. Today I was picked up early because a lady lived far away and he wouldn’t have time to get me to therapy on time if I didn’t just go with them. It turns out she lives within a stone’s throw of my mother’s house.

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The Burden of Sleep

Published on January 11, 2012 in Anger, Anxiety, Emotions and PTSD. 4 Comments

If you knew that at a certain time, in a certain place you’d be violated and humiliated would you show up at that time and place? Would you readily end other activities, get dressed then show up for that appointment or would you find a million reasons not to attend?

I put off sleep more than anything else. I avoid it like the plague but the problem is, in order to live I have to sleep. Man that’s cruel. In order to live I have to lay down, surrender and let my brain vomit all over me. That is cruel.

Some call it sleep but I call it a standing appointment for violation.

The Burden of Sleep – Monday, November 07, 2011 – 11:37pm EST

J of A

Key to the Ear

Published on January 11, 2012 in Humor and Soapbox. 0 Comments

I was talking to the cashier at Dollar Tree about aquarium plants when a gentleman listening asked a question too. After he paid for his things we stepped aside and began to talk a bit. He, like me, is a junior aquarist and wanted to know where to purchase healthy yet rare aquarium plants here in the city. While talking he took his car keys from his pocket, singled out one key, inserted it in his ear and began to clean it. He then pulled the key out, wiped it on his jeans and fiddled with the keys. When we stopped talking, maybe 5 or 6 minutes later, he wanted to shake my hand goodbye, but I declined. I told him I wasn’t trying to be offensive but I’m not really one to shake hands. He said he didn’t blame me because this day and age you never know what you’re going to get from simply shaking someone’s hand. Tell me about it!

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Pathetic Loser

Published on January 11, 2012 in For the Record, Soapbox and Stupid People. 0 Comments

If you do this, you’re a pathetic loser. Every instance here has happened to me before which means I’ve had experience with major, major losers.

Right now my car is down which means I have to rely on others for basic transportation. I understand charging gas money. I get that, but when you ask anywhere from $10 to $20 to go less than a 5 mile round trip then you have no morals. If you think its right to take that kind of money from a person who lives so far below the poverty line they can’t even see it, then you are a pathetic loser.

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OMG!

Published on January 10, 2012 in For the Record. 2 Comments

What do you know, I’m back online. It took a bit but I’m back!!!!! I won’t go into a long drawn out explanation or anything, I’ll just jump right on in without skipping a beat.

I can’t believe that for the first time in nearly 6 months I’m about to watch TV. Man that got hard. I can at least watch it online now. Shesh. PBS, here I come.

Faith

 

Quick Note

Published on November 7, 2011 in For the Record. 2 Comments

This is Faiths friend Missy, I am writing to let you guys know she will be back next month. I’m actually on the phone with her at the moment, she is dictating all of this to me.

PS. If anything in these pages are about me… I deny deny deny.  lol  ;-)