Desperation and other things

Published on March 23, 2012 in Anxiety, Emotions, Medical and Mental Health. 2 Comments

I feel desperate, nearly in a panic. I want to run. My brain needs to shut off.

Maybe I shouldn’t mention that I’ve had a good few days cause it seems after I do things go a bit down hill.

I wonder why I haven’t heard from a friend of mine.

I haven’t returned emails. I don’t know why. I can’t seem to sit down and do it.

I found out today that a purchase of mine went to Fife’s house. Great! I’m not going to think about it though. I need to let that go.

There was a small fire in the apartment complex today. No one was hurt. No real property damage. My apartment wasn’t affected.

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Do wah diddy

Published on March 18, 2012 in Gratitude Journal. 3 Comments

It was a good week end. I didn’t walk down the street singing ‘do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do’ but it was that kind of fun, light-hearted week end I so needed. It was my long awaited and much needed reprieve.

For the first time in forever I grilled hot dogs over an open fire pit. I walked one mile one way and back. I met a few new people, sold a painting, purchased a hat pin and worked more on some new dolls.

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It’s too beautiful

Published on March 14, 2012 in Gratitude Journal and PTSD. 1 Comment

It’s gorgeous outside today, just beautiful. In fact, it’s too beautiful to be evil – in a bad mood.

  • It’s too beautiful to be sick today.
  • Too beautiful to go to therapy
  • To feel anger and let it settle over me, take over me
  • It’s too beautiful to not find some way to grow today.

I’m going to take this wonderful weather and make use of it. I’m not going to watch it from my window or simply blog it. I’m going out in it. It’s too beautiful to watch it pass me by. I so love spring.

fma

Terminal Mental Illness

Published on March 14, 2012 in Anger, Art, Art Therapy, Depression, Emotions and Grief Sadness Loss. 4 Comments Tags: .

In therapy Tuesday Dr. D and I again discussed the suicide of this friend. I told him I’ve come to the conclusion that she died of mental illness. She may have had wounds so profound that they resulted in her death. Its easier to take when I think of it that way.

I still don’t want to believe this. I still want someone to tell me this is a bad joke.

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Energy is low

Published on March 12, 2012 in Anxiety, Depression and Grief Sadness Loss. 1 Comment Tags: .

My energy is low but I’m doing better than this guy here. I want to stay in bed. I’m fighting to stay up, to eat and get out of the house. I just don’t want to do anything. I haven’t answered emails I need to answer or made calls that should have been made last week. I read the emails but I haven’t responded cause its like I have no words. I don’t know what to say.

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The Babies

Published on March 12, 2012 in Pets. 0 Comments

I have two new frog babies that are 2 months old. The first photo has both of them. One frog baby is at the very bottom of the photo peaking out from under a rock. She’s rather shy.  There’s also a shot of Mary Jane sleeping on her special scratch post aka an old piano bench. Fortunately that is the only thing she scratches.

If I threw it away I have a feeling she’d open the door, go out to the dumpster and drag that thing back in the house. I’d then have to watch my back so she didn’t put a pillow over my face as I sleep.

MJ as she presses the pillow over my face: Leave my bench alone woman. Don’t do it again.
Me, struggling to breath: Okay, okay, just chill. Have some catnip and chill.
Removing down feathers from my nose I slowly rise from bed with Mary Jane giving me the stink eye.
MJ: Hurry up with the nip!

Excuse me if….

Published on March 8, 2012 in Humor and PTSD. 2 Comments


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