If you have not yet had a chance to read the entry by Beautiful Dreamer titled “A Tree Grows” please find the time to do so. You will not be disappointed. It is inspiring and beautifully written. If you need a pick me up today this is the entry that will give you a boost and a bit more fire to keep going.
Austin
Published on
September 25, 2008 in
Art.
Tags: blogging.
What do you get when you put together three woman who love art and books? You get Texty Ladies Artful adventures in writing. Who are these ladies? Two are are authors and lovers of art. The third blogger in the group is addicted to reading. She says she won’ be satisfied until she’s read them all. On their blog they interview various living artists as well as novelists. Today I am pleased to announce I’ve been interviewed on Texty Ladies concerning the impact art therapy has had on my life and healing process. Please go check out the Texy ladies blog as well as my interview. Let them know you were there with a comment.
Texty Ladies
My interview is here.
Austin
We spoke up. We told and now what? We wait for the other shoe to fall. We figure people are going to read what we’ve said and see just how much we don’t deserve to be heard or believed. We worry they’ll examine our words and find some small inconsistency and bring it to everyone’s attention, calling us a liar and a fake. Now we have to be on our toes so that everything lines up perfectly. How? How on earth do we do that? Make it all line up and make sense to others when it hardly makes sense to us? What was consistent about the abuse other than that we were regularly abused? But we think others will look for inconsistencies so we begin to fret. We doubt ourselves, our writing and suddenly it all becomes clear. I’ve got to shut up. I need to stop writing or someone will find out who I really am. They’ll find out how broken I am, how I’m making more of this than I should. It all sounds so stupid when I write it anyway. All of this goes through my mind when I write an entry detailing abuse. Why on earth would someone read this blog or believe half of what’s in it and why do I care so much? Why do I put myself out here with such great vulnerability?
I have so many times written an entry and thought to myself, no one is coming back for sure after this one. People came back. I wrote more. No one is coming back for sure now. They came back. It surprises me that they do. I figure it’s a matter of time and I’ll get so intense on this blog that no one at all is going to read it. Why is it so important that they read? I can’t stand the silence anymore. I can’t stand people not knowing why I’m this way. So yeah, I speak, I tell things I’d rather not so people get it, so they understand I wasn’t created fragmented and broken. Someone worked very hard to make me this way. Continue reading ‘I Blog Because’
While using Stumble I fell upon a site about the anatomy of the ear which then reminded me that I wanted to look up “vowel Deafness.” How that connection came I dont’ know but it did. I even looked at pictures of the knee and the hips to see exactly what they look like very close up. Anyway though, in regards to vowels and spelling I started doing a little searching to figure out if what I’ve said all along has any validity. Something I figured out a long time ago is that I can’t hear the vowels in spoken words and I can’t translate them onto paper. I called it vowel Deafness. Not until today did I find out that such a phrase exists. I got online to look up simple searches like “vowel Deafness” which lead to a search query of “auditory or visual processing deficits” which lead me straight to Dyslexia. I don’t know what my issue is because I can’t diagnose myself but at least I know my issue isn’t laziness and isn’t disregard for accuracy or carelessness. One of the most interesting things I read about it is that vision and hearing are linked to spelling. One article mentioned a lazy eye muscle linked to poor spelling. This is really interesting stuff. If you haven’t seen the photo of my eyes close up see this image here from my about me page.
My sister, poor thing, went through all of her schooling not knowing she’s Dyslexic. Continue reading ‘The Bad Speller’
You Are An Attention Seeker
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You’re only human, so you can’t help but want a little attention every now and then.You love the spotlight, but only when it’s well deserved. You’d hate to be known for the wrong thing.And you also don’t mind sharing the spotlight. You can easily give someone else credit or a complement.You know there’s enough attention to go around, and it makes you happy when your friends shine.You come across as: Friendly and interestingPeople may wrongly think you’re: A little more modest than you actually are!
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Are You An Attention Whore?
I know he didn’t just call me a whore! He doesn’t even know me. How can he pass judgment like that? That’s just wrong… name calling is wrong. You don’t even know me!!!
What Your Handwriting Says About You
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You are a fairly energetic person. You know how do pace yourself, and you deal well with stress.You are somewhat outgoing, but you’re not a natural extrovert. You think first before you act. You tend to be independent, rational, and logical.You are balanced and grounded. You know how to get along well with others.You need a bit of space in your life, but you’re not a recluse. You expect people to give you a small amount of privacy, and you respect their privacy as well.You are somewhat traditional, but you are also open to change. You listen to your head and your heart.
You are a poor communicator. No one really knows exactly what you’re getting at.
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What Does Your Handwriting Say About You?
Energetic, check. Pace myself well? Most of the time. Check. Not naturally out going. Check. Need space. Check. Check. Poor communicator? Check. I say that because in person I often stumble over my words, take things the wrong way. I communicate poorly in personal relationships. I hate you blogthings for being right so much. Nobody likes a know-it-all. I hope I communicated that well.
J of A
I wonder if now that Holiday knows about this blog and about us if our friendship will change? She’s another friend I didn’t tell about the DID. I also didn’t tell Lady about it or Psycho Date chick. It’s easier to tell someone I’m a survivor because the vast majority of women this day and age are, more men are coming forward as well. Heck, I’m okay with 3-D people knowing most things about me. I’m open about the OCD. I don’t hesitate to tell people they can’t use my restroom. I told Holiday last night that I wouldn’t be able to call her today because it’s a therapy day and I’ll most likely be messed up. Her sweet reply? “I’ll be your therapist.” I appreciate it when friends step up like that but it scares the crap out of me when they walk into my mind, my blog. These are people I have to look at, people that are going to know I barely make it through each day. I think she understand depression. I think she understands being lonely and many other issues I have but worry she’ll be afraid of the DID thing. Will she make fun of me with that age old joke, “Which one of you did that?” followed by laughter? Will I be the butt of too many jokes? This worries me now. And truthfully, since I know she’s reading I can go ahead and say this. Now you know. I hadn’t planned on telling you because many times telling has gone badly for me. I don’t appreciate the jokes about going Sybil or “Three Eve”. I don’t appreciate being handled with kid gloves. I’d like for nothing at all to change but I tell ya, I worry it will. Maybe you realized when we first met there was something a little “different” about me. Maybe like UK you picked up the multiple personality disorder and I don’t hide it as well as I use to. I hope that switching while dancing with Sis wasn’t offensive. Continue reading ‘Now That She Knows’
I blog openly to strangers with no invite to family and 3-D friends. One neighbor knows I blog. She’s been here a few times as well as her brother in Philly. I think my brother has been here a few times but I don’t think my mother has. If my mom reads my blog or any other family member, aunts, father, cousins, sister, etc then so be it but I sure as heck won’t send an invite. I talk about UK and Holiday, about Lady and Blossom but they don’t have the URL to my blog, very few of my 3-D friends or associates have my URL.
It’s one thing for them to have access to the blog; it’s a different thing to give them that access. They can find it on the net if they want but I’m not going to hand over my URL.
It’s stressful blogging with strangers reading because someone will find offense with how an entry is written. Readers seem to not realize there’s only so much you can cram into one entry. You can’t cover every single detail and cover all your bases. It’s a journal entry, not a thesis but try and get some readers to understand that. Sheshhhh! Readers will question, doubt, even name call or leave troll comments and act an ass as if that’s all their life means to them, bothering bloggers they don’t even know. There’s blogger etiquette and blogger politics to think about. Do you spell well enough, do you use the word “literally” correctly? Will your blog entry show up on a joke site if you don’t? Worrying about who will do what with an entry and who will say what about your entry can slow down the smooth flow of writing. It seems some idiot out there is just waiting for you to contradict yourself so they can call you a liar and prove your whole blog is a sham. Boy, strangers can lay pressure on thick but family brings with them a whole different range of spoken and unspoken expectations.
Here are a few examples of touchy situations with family and blogs: Continue reading ‘Family, Friends and Blogging’
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