Tag Archive for 'Conversations'

Quotes and Conversations

Published on October 4, 2009 in Humor. 4 Comments Tags: .

Best quote of the day:

“There’s hope for an idiot.” Beautiful Dreamer

Overheard in Indy:

Wal-mart
Woman to her male companion -  “I’m tired of giving that boy CPR.”
I guess after a few tries it became apparent the boy wasn’t even trying to help himself. What a loser!

AutoZone
The male cashier said to the male customer: “I thought we were friends?” There was an awkward silence after the male customer replied : “Who needs friends when you can give yourself an enema?” Awkward!!!

Continue reading ‘Quotes and Conversations’

I Like Him

Published on May 1, 2009 in Gratitude Journal. 2 Comments Tags: .

This is a snipped of my conversation today with a local mother:

“I’m not sure why I was chosen to raise such a wonderful teenage boy. He’s such a neat kid. I not only love him, I like him.”

This is definitely something I needed to hear. I needed  something inspiring, something gentle from a mothers mouth. I’m happy I ran into her today.

J of A

Aussie Conversation: Against My Advice

Published on December 20, 2008 in Humor and Relationships. 1 Comment Tags: .

This is an actual conversation that was not altered.

Stepping into the kitchen from the laundry room I say to Barney Fife who’s sitting at the table reading a card

Me: Hey, look. I washed my dollar. I should work for the mob in money laundering.
Fife giggles. I turn to leave.
Fife Senior: Come in here.
Me: Yeah
Fife Senior: I need to write something in C’s card. I thought I’d write, “I promise to give you everything in the world you want after I’ve satisfied all my other women.”
(silence, more silence)
Me: Um…(pause)… I’d like to advise against that. … (pause)… You should send that one to R, along with this here mob money.

Aussie Conversations: Against My Advice -Friday, December 19, 2008

Aussie Conversation: Nice Back Piece

Published on September 14, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 4 Comments Tags: .

About a lady Fife Junior could see through the window inside the video store he said:
She’s got a nice back piece.
Austin: It’s okay I guess. I prefer a little rounder myself.
Fife Junior: I meant her tattoo, the tattoo piece on her back.
Austin: Oh, okay… oops.

Joan of Arc (too embarrassed for words)

Aussie Conversation: Nice Back Piece-Sunday, September 14, 2008-12:39AM EST

Ya Fat Bastard!

Published on July 2, 2008 in Humor and Soapbox. 4 Comments Tags: .

Y’all know I can’t talk about anybody being fat cause I’m not petite or anything close to that but damn my cab driver is such an ass. I swear if gas wasn’t $4.25 a gallon I’d fire his ass. We keep hearing, Don’t Drink and Drive but when are we going to hear, Don’t Drive Mad? This man has some serious anger issues. At first I was pissed at him for tossing me around in the back of his cab while he cursed at the elderly, the young, the “Mexicans” and everyone else on his “I hate the living” list. I mean come on, you really shouldn’t get behind the wheel with that kind of anger. At first I just wanted to yell at him, “Slow down ya fat bastard. You look like a young Don King with your gray napped up fro,” followed by, “You triflin long finger nail wearing mo fo, if you wreck with me in this car I swear-to-God I’m going to sue the hell out of you.”

The man tossed me back and forth, cursed, yelled, honked his horn and acted like a total fool. I then just started laughing at him cause his behavior was ridiculous. Ya know, people with that kind of anger shouldn’t get behind the wheel and they certainly shouldn’t be a “professional driver.” My gracious between his hatred for everything that breathes and his road rage it’s a wonder he hasn’t had a friggin heart attack.

Here is a real conversation I had with Cabby Negative. Continue reading ‘Ya Fat Bastard!’

Aussie Conversation: Silence

Published on May 14, 2008 in Humor. 5 Comments Tags: .

Coffee Interrupted

Thinking to myself- What’s wrong with this coffee, it tastes weired? I then realized I only put in cream and sugar. There was no vanilla, no mocha flavoring, no cinnamon hazelnut, no peppermint and chocolate. Just coffee, cream and sugar. Weird! I was too asleep to remember how to make a proper cup of coffee.

At the table, with my back to her, facing the picture window I say -Will you turn the coffee pot off please?
Blossom turns the pot off and says- Are you done? You don’t want any more?
Me – I will in a minute. I just don’t want it to um ….
Blossom –To sit hot getting stronger.
Me – No. I just don’t …
Blossom – You don’t want it to sit and burn the carafe.
I’m dead silent with a look of irritation.
Blossom – Sorry.
Me – I don’t want to burn up the heating element.

Humor Destroyed

Blossom over the phone says– There’s a mother’s day cartoon of a mother fish and a bunch of her babies swimming in a pond. Each baby gave the mother a card. “Thanks mom for not letting Dad eat me, Love Chloe.”
I laughed. She read on.
Blossom – “Thanks mom for not letting Dad eat me, Love Bruce.”
I laughed more as she read the baby fish thanking their mom for not letting the father fish eat them. She then said,
Blossom – I brought it into my therapist to give to her clients whose mother left an abusive husband. “Thanks Mom for not letting Dad beat me.”
Me - Silence. More silence. My gracious you know how to ruin a good moment and depress a person.
Blossom – Sorry, would you rather I go back to humoring you?
Me – (more silence) No, I gotta go.

NOTE: No Blossom and I are NOT dating again. Don’t even let your mind go there.

Aussie Conversation: Silence-Wednesday, May 14, 2008-12:52PM EST

Other Aussie Conversations – Scrap That There Idea, Down a Twisted Road, I Just Wanted A Nice Dinner,

Aussie Conversations: Down A Twisted Road

Published on March 24, 2008 in Humor and Relationships. 3 Comments Tags: .

Three cups of coffee, two girls and a guy sitting in the living room having a perfectly nice time then one friend decides to take the conversation down a twisted road. I’m sipping my mocha coffee (that would be a tad bit of almond extract, chocolate syrup and vanilla extract) when this conversation ensued:

Male friend: It occurred to me the other day that my therapist is my bitch.

Aussie: (cleaning the coffee spit up on her shirt) What?

Male friend: Yeah, I pay him by the hour. He says what we do is up to me. That makes him my bitch. I’m his pimp.

Aussie: Oookayyyy…

Female friend: No, that makes you his John. The insurance company is his pimp.

Aussie: I know that’s the truth.

Male friend: Well he’s still my bitch.

Aussie: See, this is exactly why you have years upon years of healing left to do. You’re one sick puppy you know that?

Although we do have meaningful conversations during dinner or while having coffee sometimes theres a break in reality for things such as the above. Even so we all went back to sipping as if the man hadn’t just strayed off the path and went right down Strange Street, took a left on Twisted Road then parked on Out of His Mind Lane. I fear he may stay parked for awhile. LOL

Aussie Conversations: Down A Twisted Road
Monday, March 24, 2008-4:17PM EST