Tag Archive for 'Conversations'

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Conversation: McDonald’s

Published on November 5, 2010 in Humor. 3 Comments Tags: , .

This conversation took place in line at McDonald’s.

Friend: We need to find you a nice husband so you can settle down and have some kids.
Me: No thanks, I’ll just have the Mc Chicken.

(With full knowledge, this chick is still trying to marry me off. WTH?)

Later at the table I dropped a french fry on the floor.

Friend: You gonna pick that up?
Me: Nope. The five second rule has expired.
Friend: Not according to my calculations.

I went home one french fry short and without a husband, but a good time was had by all.

Conversation with Fife

Published on May 27, 2010 in Humor, Pets and Relationships. 0 Comments Tags: .

I walked in the kitchen holding a small basket of laundry and my hair sort of unkempt. To pull off the “poor orphan girl” act I removed my shoes, wore a red shirt and a baggy pair of jeans. That by the way is my standard outfit so not much effort was put into the poor orphan child look save jacking up my hair. As I approached the kitchen I lowered my shoulders and said to Fife:

Me: Um, Papa.
Fife: Yessssss?
Me: Gus has the runs. It seems he’s eaten something and it made him sick. Can I um, borrow some money?
Fife: How much?
Me: Look into my sad brown eyes before I tell you, and remember I’m an orphan. Your supposed to take care of orphans and widows. My ex-husband isn’t dead but if that makes a difference I can have it arranged.
Fife: It makes a difference.
Me: Then I’ll need more than $5.00.

Quotes and Conversations

Published on October 4, 2009 in Humor. 4 Comments Tags: .

Best quote of the day:

“There’s hope for an idiot.” Beautiful Dreamer

Overheard in Indy:

Wal-mart
Woman to her male companion -  “I’m tired of giving that boy CPR.”
I guess after a few tries it became apparent the boy wasn’t even trying to help himself. What a loser!

AutoZone
The male cashier said to the male customer: “I thought we were friends?” There was an awkward silence after the male customer replied : “Who needs friends when you can give yourself an enema?” Awkward!!!

Continue reading ‘Quotes and Conversations’

I Like Him

Published on May 1, 2009 in Gratitude Journal. 2 Comments Tags: .

This is a snipped of my conversation today with a local mother:

“I’m not sure why I was chosen to raise such a wonderful teenage boy. He’s such a neat kid. I not only love him, I like him.”

This is definitely something I needed to hear. I needed  something inspiring, something gentle from a mothers mouth. I’m happy I ran into her today.

J of A

Aussie Conversation: Against My Advice

Published on December 20, 2008 in Humor and Relationships. 1 Comment Tags: .

This is an actual conversation that was not altered.

Stepping into the kitchen from the laundry room I say to Barney Fife who’s sitting at the table reading a card

Me: Hey, look. I washed my dollar. I should work for the mob in money laundering.
Fife giggles. I turn to leave.
Fife Senior: Come in here.
Me: Yeah
Fife Senior: I need to write something in C’s card. I thought I’d write, “I promise to give you everything in the world you want after I’ve satisfied all my other women.”
(silence, more silence)
Me: Um…(pause)… I’d like to advise against that. … (pause)… You should send that one to R, along with this here mob money.

Aussie Conversations: Against My Advice -Friday, December 19, 2008

Aussie Conversation: Nice Back Piece

Published on September 14, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 4 Comments Tags: .

About a lady Fife Junior could see through the window inside the video store he said:
She’s got a nice back piece.
Austin: It’s okay I guess. I prefer a little rounder myself.
Fife Junior: I meant her tattoo, the tattoo piece on her back.
Austin: Oh, okay… oops.

Joan of Arc (too embarrassed for words)

Aussie Conversation: Nice Back Piece-Sunday, September 14, 2008-12:39AM EST

Ya Fat Bastard!

Published on July 2, 2008 in Humor and Soapbox. 4 Comments Tags: .

Y’all know I can’t talk about anybody being fat cause I’m not petite or anything close to that but damn my cab driver is such an ass. I swear if gas wasn’t $4.25 a gallon I’d fire his ass. We keep hearing, Don’t Drink and Drive but when are we going to hear, Don’t Drive Mad? This man has some serious anger issues. At first I was pissed at him for tossing me around in the back of his cab while he cursed at the elderly, the young, the “Mexicans” and everyone else on his “I hate the living” list. I mean come on, you really shouldn’t get behind the wheel with that kind of anger. At first I just wanted to yell at him, “Slow down ya fat bastard. You look like a young Don King with your gray napped up fro,” followed by, “You triflin long finger nail wearing mo fo, if you wreck with me in this car I swear-to-God I’m going to sue the hell out of you.”

The man tossed me back and forth, cursed, yelled, honked his horn and acted like a total fool. I then just started laughing at him cause his behavior was ridiculous. Ya know, people with that kind of anger shouldn’t get behind the wheel and they certainly shouldn’t be a “professional driver.” My gracious between his hatred for everything that breathes and his road rage it’s a wonder he hasn’t had a friggin heart attack.

Here is a real conversation I had with Cabby Negative. Continue reading ‘Ya Fat Bastard!’