Common Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma
Anxiety
A simple yes will do. Anxiety is a daily occurrence for me.
Panic attacks.
I don’t have panic attacks very often. See avoidance behaviors for why.
Intrusive thoughts, flashbacks.
These are very disturbing for me. Sometimes my thoughts are so intrusive it feels like mental torture. It’s almost as if flashbacks and these thoughts are taunting me. They play again and again until I literally want to cut them out of my head. Of this list here intrusive thoughts and flashbacks are the most disturbing symptom of unresolved trauma. I struggle with this 4 or 5 times per week. By the grace of God it’s not daily.
Shame
On most levels I feel shame and like I’m a lost cause. I feel some level of shame daily. See avoidance.
Exaggerated emotions
Continue reading ‘Unresolved Trauma’
I ran across this photograph today and was immediately taken by it. The concept is without a doubt powerful and provocative so I thought I’d use it in an entry. Some of the words and phrases that appear several times are: failure, no hope, dying alone and unloved.
If you stood in front of this board what would you write? Here’s your chance. There’s one piece of chalk left and it’s your turn to write down your fear. Continue reading ‘Your Fears Erased’
There are people who don’t quite understand what it is we get from animals. It’s something I’ve heard before, not a new thing or uncommon but something I’d like to offer my thoughts on. I figured I’d give you a survivor’s point of view of why animals are so important to us and how they help us. I hope this helps you understand a bit better.
What we love about them is their need for us without judgment. I think we also like their dependence on us. They give us purpose, make us feel needed. They’re soft, they cuddle safely. They’re innocent like babies and children with no ill will. They’re also a target for those who need to dominate or use them for impure purposes such as dog fighting, punching bags or unnecessary experimentation. This causes those of us who are survivors to see ourselves in them and rescue them and our younger selves. Connection with the defenseless and voiceless is a way to protect them and heal ourselves. In partnership is how animals offer help and are helped.
Continue reading ‘How Animals Help Survivors’
Once I was forced by our great government to switch to digital TV I discovered yet another DID anomaly. When I dissociate I lose the signal on my converter box. If I get too excited by what I’m watching , I get that stupid “searching for signal” code. I have to remind myself not to walk anywhere near the box when watching TV or…..wait for it,…wait for it… I lose the signal.
I know I can’t wear a wrist watch cause I short out the battery too fast. I spend an ungodly amount of money on light bulbs because I blow them so easily. Who knew DTV would be an issue too.
Continue reading ‘DID and Digital Television’
I question just how well I’ll get. I question whether or not I’ll ever be nightmare free or have enough control over flashbacks, fear, grief and anger. Right now I’m not sure where my healing is headed but I do know this, even if this is as good as it gets I’m still allowed to have moments without pain and anguish.
I wrote a blog entry the other day called Three Fives. It was about five major triggers for self-injury ideation, suicidal ideation and five things that could happen in one day that would make the day go well. In this entry I’d like to focus on the five ingredients to a good day.
Five Daily Life Pleasures
- I’d pray before my feet hit the floor.
- Breakfast on the porch
- Laundry
- Create something
- Sleep well
Continue reading ‘I Can Make Myself Happy’
Right now I have my typical pre-therapy jitters. Part of my anxiety is I know how loud the waiting room will be when I get there. In addition to the white noise machines which I find highly triggering there’s music pumped in, other patients moving around and employees chatting. The office is loud and it’s dark. My therapist said this ill lit situation is “mood lighting” but for me it’s like sitting in the dark. I don’t like it at all, then add in noise makers and all sorts of movement and you’ve got serious stimulus overload.
When I went to the psych exam the other day the office was just as anxiety provoking. The lighting was fine but the small room had music pumped in which for me made the room feel smaller. Just outside the closed door I could hear other employees laughing and talking. Even with my headphones on I was overwhelmed by every noise and sight around me. This brings me to a series of questions concerning PTSD and waiting rooms. I wonder if others experience the same thing.
Continue reading ‘Waiting Rooms and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’
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