Tag Archive for 'forum'

High Maintenance in Perspective

Published
by
Austin
on January 5, 2009
in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD and Segments
. 0 Comments

There has been a lot of inner turmoil and very little self affirmation lately. I think I’m going to write a short list of things I know how to do so as to remind myself that I’m not always a high maintenance flake. I will list the 5 hardships that I’ve placed upon myself in the last week or so followed by 5 affirmations.

Hardships

  1. I forget my words, get lost easily and can’t seem to hold a thought in my head. I’ve been very dissociated and forgetful. I can’t keep up with the days or the hour. I feel like I’m walking around in a daze. I feel stupid and incompetent.
  2. I’ve been very sensitive with friends. I take everything personally right now.
  3. I seem to think everything is my fault. I believe with Borderline Personality Disorder it’s called fragmenting. So-in-so keeps calling. There’s something about me which draws the needy. The people in the store were acting stupid. What did I do to cause this? I joked and they took their joking too far but this is my fault because maybe I didn’t set proper boundaries in the beginning. I thought my roommate was ignoring me when I spoke to him. He’s angry with me. No, he was distracted by a game. I’ve been fragmenting all over the place.

Continue reading ‘High Maintenance in Perspective’

Today I Learned

Published
by
Austin
on September 16, 2008
in General Chatter and Relationships
. 2 Comments

Today I learned that as much as “I think” I know about women my humanity overrides this knowledge and stupidity kicks in. I should have gone to the source instead of listening to her “friend”. Thank goodness she’s patient enough to let me be human.

What did you learn today? Anything, big or small, what did you learn today?

Words and Reconciliation

Published
by
Austin
on August 4, 2008
in Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health, Relationships and Therapy
. 1 Comment

Words are not just words, they often imply beliefs we may or may not agree with. How I view certain words is certainly based on my belief about who I am and my belief and understanding of where I came from, specifically the abuse I lived through. I’d like to try and define my view of certain words. I think it might help me (perhaps later down the line) to rethink the actual meaning and maybe even reconcile a word or two with its proper usage. The last word I’ll address is trust. I’ll also say a bit about how it relates to my current therapist.

Please feel free to comment on your own definitions or write an entry of your own. If you chose to write your own entry will you link back to here so I can read it?

Continue reading ‘Words and Reconciliation’

What Are Your Hypervigilance and Hyperarousal PTSD Symptoms?

Published
by
Austin
on July 7, 2008
in Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy
. 32 Comments

This is my list which is in no particular order.

Going to sleep is like letting down my guard. I call it the broken boxer syndrome. I fight and fight it until I absolutely have to go lay down. It’s like throwing in the towel. There is huge fear that once I lay down the end of my fight or flight response takes place. My attacker is in my dreams and I’ve simply given in and accepted my fate. This makes me angry.

I seem to be aware of people around me and remember where they are or where they moved from. At the carnival a few months back this symptom was driving me crazy. I realized I was keeping track of everyone around me. I mentally recorded their physical appearance automatically. I felt ashamed of it. I’d be the perfect eye witness because I can record so much detailed information and have it right on.

I hear my dog breathing in stereo and it angers me. I’m triggered by it and sometimes I actually accuse him of panting as loudly as possible which is just stupid but my mind is racing and running from the past. I see danger in the way he’s breathing because it usually leads to a flashback of having someone on top of me panting like that.My eyes catch the slightest movement.
I’m sensitive to noise and light.
Sometimes I’m very jumpy.
I can sometimes hear the tiniest sound.

Continue reading ‘What Are Your Hypervigilance and Hyperarousal PTSD Symptoms?’

Hiccups and Carrots Support Group

Published
by
Austin
on May 9, 2007
in General Chatter, Humor and My reply
. 55 Comments

It’s strange what brings people to this blog. I’ve seen search queries come in because someone was looking for a remedy for foot fungus. It’s frightening that whatever I said about feet and fungus brought them here but what is even more odd is how people that have a reaction to carrots came to my blog on an older entry which had nothing at all to do with carrots or hiccups. And then they leave comments like, “I thought I was the only one.” So, since there are so many of you I figured  I’d bring you together because clearly you need each other. We must all have support, even if it’s for something as odd as carrots and hiccups. So, here you are, an entry dedicated solely to people with your affliction.

My other entry talks about crazy people who don’t have your illness but this forum here is for you guys to gather together and discuss this syndrome. I do find it strange not one of y’all left a blog link so you could find one another. You left it up to me to bring you together for carrots anonymous.  That’s okay though, now I have a purpose in life - Stamp Out Carrots and Hiccups Syndrome.  Now that I have taken this upon myself people like Mavis and Ellie and Bugs B can at last come together. If you too are a sufferer leave your comments below. We’d love to hear from you. Lets make this the largest gathering of hiccuping people across the globe.

Serenity Prayer:

We now have a Serenity Prayer for Carrots and Hiccups Anonymous

“Bugs Bunny, grant me the serenity
to accept these hiccups which I cannot change;
courage to change the hiccups I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.”

Other Causes:

At the suggestion of our newest member I’d like to announce to all a support group for those who love a hiccup and carrot sufferer. The group is called  “CAROTS - Come And Rally Ourselves Together for Sufferers”. Thank you Shay for your dedication to this cause.
Sundrip also works to eradicate green pea flatulence and temporary blindness caused by eating radishes

What Others Are Saying:

Here are a few of the 15 comments from people who suffer with this carrot disorder. You can also visit them at the link above from the old entry having nothing at all to do with this affliction:

Barbarob Says: October 25th, 2006 at 10:55 pm I can’t believe this is as common a problem as it is! I just got some carrots out of the fridge and when I started hiccuping I ran to the computer determined to find out if other people have this issue. We should start a support group )
Mavis Says: August 14th, 2006 at 5:36 pm I thought I was the only person in the world that gets hiccups every time I eat raw carrots!!!
Laura Says: October 7th, 2006 at 11:54 am I just did a google search for “carrot hiccups” and came up with this blog. After a 2 year-hiatus, my carrot-induced hiccups just came back. It’s trigged by any kind of carrots (cooked or raw). Sometimes I’ll even be eating a pureed soup and will identify carrots as one of the ingredients simply by the fact that I get the hiccups. I discovered this when a flute teacher told me to eat carrots to help my nerves before a performance… needless to say, this turned out to be a bad idea…
Bugs B Says: March 28th, 2007 at 10:12 pm I, too get carrot-related hiccups. Too bad, as I love them. I suspect it’s a lot more common than we think… who would ever admit to having them, or even thinking it was a common ailment?
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Bugs B, is that really you? Oh my gosh it’s been so long…years in fact …. I haven’t watched your show since Saturday morning cartoons when I was a kid. I’ve missed you so but I don’t remember you having the hiccups. Strange how we forget some stuff.

As always, thank you for visiting Sundrip Journals. Please have a hiccup-free day.

Dating and Mental Illness

Published
by
Austin
on March 14, 2007
in Mental Health and Relationships
. 1 Comment

A few things have been on my mind lately about dating and DID so I thought I’d ask the public a few questions about their personal experiences with having a disability and entering the dating scene. I figured that instead of writing an entry I’d just make a page so that people could leave their comments there.

I wonder if people think anything at all like me. I wonder if they think that if people find out they have DID or PTSD or whatever that the person they’re interested in won’t want to see them anymore. Heck, there was one person I didn’t want to talk about my issues with because I feared he’d walk on egg shells. I didn’t want to talk to him about therapy stuff (even though he asked) because I worried he’d think, well, …I worried he wouldn’t want anyone that had been raped.

I have had some really awful relationships. I seem to choose the same types too, the broken, hurting inside type that won’t see me as a threat because they have issues of their own. But I also worry about putting my own issues off on others, friends or partners. I worry that I need to much kid glove handling. People play around all the time and come up from behind and give you a hug. I can’t stand that. Will my date think of that as another thing she has to do to make sure Aussie doesn’t freak out or get angry? People wrap gifts and give them all the time. Will a date think I’m crazy when she sees fear on my face and uneasy hands as I unwrap this gift? And when she figures out that they’re triggering for me will she find it overly stressful to wear the kid gloves at all times? Will she ever be able to relax without worrying that she’ll trigger me?

I know someone is going to say, well, Austin if the person really likes you then they’ll do this that and the other but that’s not my point. My point is, do other people think about these things before dating or does it stop them from dating all together?

Before I told Blossom to get the heck out of my life I talked to Dr. T about how the next girl will be exactly like her. She’ll look different, dress differently but she’ll be Blossom the same as Blossom was Columbia and the same as Columbia was my ex-husband (only B and C never raised their hand to me.) My issues play into who I choose because I don’t think someone with half my issues would even want me. Hell, I wouldn’t date me knowing what I know. I’m high maintenance and I know it and that has always played a part in who I dated and who I stayed in a long term relationship with.

The other day I said I’d prefer to hang out with friends and that I’m not even looking for casual dates at this time. I mean that still. I was just thinking back on all that went through my head with one simple date with someone who may or may not have an invisible disability. All the stuff that came up over one “simple” date and it got me to wondering if others go through the same thing. Please leave comments as to how your relationships have been when dating someone with borderline personality disorder, multiple personality disorder, schizophrenia, bi-polar disorder or any other mental illness. Also feel free to leave comments and experiences if you yourself live with a mental illness.  I’d be interested in knowing how others deal with the dating scene.

Austin