Tag Archive for 'forum'

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Unresolved Trauma

Published on October 26, 2009 in Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy. 3 Comments Tags: .

Common Symptoms of Unresolved Trauma

Anxiety
A simple yes will do. Anxiety is a daily occurrence for me.

Panic attacks.
I don’t have  panic attacks very often. See avoidance behaviors for why.

Intrusive thoughts, flashbacks.
These are very disturbing for me. Sometimes my thoughts are so intrusive it feels like mental torture. It’s almost as if flashbacks and these thoughts are taunting me. They play again and again until I literally want to cut them out of my head. Of this list here intrusive thoughts and flashbacks are the most disturbing symptom of unresolved trauma. I struggle with this 4 or 5 times per week. By the grace of God it’s not daily.

Shame
On most levels I feel shame and like I’m a lost cause. I feel some level of shame daily. See avoidance.

Exaggerated emotions
Continue reading ‘Unresolved Trauma’

Your Fears Erased

Published on September 20, 2009 in For the Record and Therapy. 17 Comments Tags: .

I ran across this photograph today and was immediately taken by it. The concept is without a doubt powerful and provocative so I thought I’d use it in an entry. Some of the words and phrases that appear several times are: failure, no hope, dying alone and unloved.

If you stood in front of this board what would  you write? Here’s your chance. There’s one piece of chalk left and it’s your turn to write down your fear. Continue reading ‘Your Fears Erased’

How Animals Help Survivors

Published on July 13, 2009 in Pets, PTSD and Relationships. 6 Comments Tags: .

There are people who don’t quite understand what it is we get from animals. It’s something I’ve heard before, not a new thing or uncommon but something I’d like to offer my thoughts on. I figured I’d give you a survivor’s point of view of why animals are so important to us and how they help us. I hope this helps you understand a bit better.

What we love about them is their need for us without judgment. I think we also like their dependence on us. They give us purpose, make us feel needed. They’re soft, they cuddle safely. They’re innocent like babies and children with no ill will. They’re also a target for those who need to dominate or use them for impure purposes such as dog fighting, punching bags or unnecessary experimentation. This causes those of us who are survivors to see ourselves in them and rescue them and our younger selves. Connection with the defenseless and voiceless is a way to protect them and heal ourselves. In partnership is how animals offer help and are helped.

Continue reading ‘How Animals Help Survivors’

DID and Digital Television

Published on July 11, 2009 in Dissociative Identity Disorder and Humor. 16 Comments Tags: , .

Once I was forced by our great government to switch to digital TV I discovered yet another DID anomaly. When I dissociate I lose the signal on my converter box. If I get too excited by what I’m watching , I get that stupid  “searching for signal” code.  I have to remind myself not to walk anywhere near the box when watching TV or…..wait for it,…wait for it… I lose the signal.

I know I can’t wear a wrist watch cause I short out the battery too fast. I spend an ungodly amount of money on light bulbs because I blow them so easily. Who knew DTV would be an issue too.

Continue reading ‘DID and Digital Television’

I Can Make Myself Happy

Published on April 24, 2009 in Depression and Mental Health. 2 Comments Tags: .

I question just how well I’ll get. I question whether or not I’ll ever be nightmare free or have enough control over flashbacks, fear, grief and anger. Right now I’m not sure where my healing is headed but I do know this, even if this is as good as it gets I’m still allowed to have moments without pain and anguish.

I wrote a blog entry the other day called Three Fives. It was about five major triggers for self-injury ideation, suicidal ideation and five things that could happen in one day that would make the day go well. In this entry I’d like to focus on the five ingredients to a good day.

Five Daily Life Pleasures

  1. I’d pray before my feet hit the floor.
  2. Breakfast on the porch
  3. Laundry
  4. Create something
  5. Sleep well

Continue reading ‘I Can Make Myself Happy’

Waiting Rooms and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Published on March 16, 2009 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy. 6 Comments Tags: .

Right now I have my typical pre-therapy jitters. Part of my anxiety is I know how loud the waiting room will be when I get there. In addition to the white noise machines which I find highly triggering there’s music pumped in, other patients moving around and employees chatting. The office is loud and it’s dark. My therapist said this ill lit situation is “mood lighting” but for me it’s like sitting in the dark. I don’t like it at all, then add in noise makers and all sorts of movement and you’ve got serious stimulus overload.

When I went to the psych exam the other day the office was just as anxiety provoking. The lighting was fine but the small room had music pumped in which for me made the room feel smaller. Just outside the closed door I could hear other employees laughing and talking. Even with my headphones on I was overwhelmed by every noise and sight around me. This brings me to a series of questions concerning PTSD and waiting rooms. I wonder if others experience the same thing.

Continue reading ‘Waiting Rooms and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder’

High Maintenance in Perspective

Published on January 5, 2009 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD and Segments. 2 Comments Tags: .

There has been a lot of inner turmoil and very little self affirmation lately. I think I’m going to write a short list of things I know how to do so as to remind myself that I’m not always a high maintenance flake. I will list the 5 hardships that I’ve placed upon myself in the last week or so followed by 5 affirmations.

Hardships

  1. I forget my words, get lost easily and can’t seem to hold a thought in my head. I’ve been very dissociated and forgetful. I can’t keep up with the days or the hour. I feel like I’m walking around in a daze. I feel stupid and incompetent.
  2. I’ve been very sensitive with friends. I take everything personally right now.
  3. I seem to think everything is my fault. I believe with Borderline Personality Disorder it’s called fragmenting. So-in-so keeps calling. There’s something about me which draws the needy. The people in the store were acting stupid. What did I do to cause this? I joked and they took their joking too far but this is my fault because maybe I didn’t set proper boundaries in the beginning. I thought my roommate was ignoring me when I spoke to him. He’s angry with me. No, he was distracted by a game. I’ve been fragmenting all over the place. Continue reading ‘High Maintenance in Perspective’