The People Behind My Eyes

It’s a sad thing when I have to choose between food and medication. Since Medicaid stopped paying for medication for those who also have Medicare I ended up being among the group of citizens that now can no longer afford medication. The program itself costs me more each month than the co-pays I paid out of pocket for all of my meds. Now I have to pay the monthly premium, and only after I reach $3,600 out of pocket expense will I start having co-pays of $3 or $5. Until I have paid $3,600 each year then I’ll pay 25% of each prescription. I make $7,200 a year total. To have medication they want more than half of it. I don’t think so. Since I have Medicaid and Medicare I don’t qualify for local hospital programs. The programs provide medication with no deductibles and no out of pocket amount that has to be reached before the $5 co-pay kicks in. They even have a max of $30 a month. After the $30 a month the meds are at no charge to the client.
Perhaps it seems reasonable that a person with $7,200 a year should be asked to pay more than half of it for medication. Perhaps it seems reasonable to exclude them from local programs too. Life without Zoloft is going to be unbearable. I have to figure out a way to get that. Everything else I can live without, but Zoloft handles the PMDD. It’s the PMDD that nearly killed me. It was PMDD symptoms that lead to that massive overdose that had me on life support and that every overdose that lead to a blood clot traveling to my heart. I’m a heart patient now. I have a heart filter now. I’d say the Zoloft isn’t an option to stop. It’s just not an option. I think that depression is the closest I’ve ever come to actually understanding the depression felt by those living with Bipolar disorder. I couldn’t take it, not month after month. That last time that I tried to kill myself I was so desperate to get out of that pain that I walked into my doctor’s office and demanded Zoloft. I told her, listen, I’m not trying to be manipulative but I’ve been telling you for months that I’m falling back into that same depression.