Tag Archive for 'random'

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Random Friday: Now That’s Just Nasty

Published on March 21, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 8 Comments Tags: , .

Last Tuesday I went to see my therapist. My regular cab driver came to pick me up in his regular attire, a red shirt, a half combed afro and long finger nails. I can’t stand a guy with long finger nails; it grosses me out for some reason. Well, when it comes time to paying the cabby I do so once a month so that I only have to reach up and take the chance of touching him once. But this month I needed to pay him as I went which increased my chances of touching him. So, Tuesday I climbed into the cab, coffee in hand, money in hand and what happens? He reaches back to take the money and I’ll be damned if his finger nails weren’t dirty. Under ONE finger nail was something brown. Oh shit, what am I going to do now? I’m in a cab with a guy who has long finger nails and they’re dirty!!! I’m trapped, like a caged animal I’m trapped!! But I can’t panic. I’ve gotta catch my breath, think, think, think. I figured I could always tuck and roll out of the cab and take my chances with highway traffic. The mug might not make it but so be it. I have to calm down, the therapy office isn’t that far, I think to myself. It was a long ride, a very long ride. He grossed me out so badly I couldn’t even finish my coffee. It got wasted, so I figure the man owes me a cup of coffee.

Other stuff that grosses me out thoroughly and falls under the “now that’s just nasty” category: Continue reading ‘Random Friday: Now That’s Just Nasty’

Random Friday: Do, Don’t, Can, Can’t

Published on February 22, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 2 Comments Tags: .

I can fillet a salmon in one slice, flip it over and do the same thing
but I can’t quarter a chicken.

I can taste the difference between Maxwell House coffee and Folgers
but I can’t taste the difference between imitation vanilla extract and real vanilla extract.

I can feel a slight difference in the weight of a given object
but I have no sense of time or direction. I can tell time but it means nothing to me.

I can tell if something is too hot or too cold
but I can’t tell the difference between damp and soft.

I can detect an accent and usually name the country correctly
but I can’t hear vowel sounds in English, my native tongue.

I can:
Make something out of nothing.
See masterpiece paintings in the clouds.

I can’t:
Draw a straight line.
Wait patiently at a doctor’s appointment.

I do:
Think about food most of the day.
Love the colour red
Wear some shade of green daily.

I don’t:
Eat crazy stuff like brains or intestines, dogs, pickled gerbles and crazy crap like that.
Wear the colour yellow
Wear black pants.

Random Friday: Do, Don’t, Can, Can’t
Thursday, February 21, 2008, 6:36 pm

Random: A Show Tune Kinda Memory

Published on February 15, 2008 in For the Record, Humor and Relationships. 2 Comments Tags: , .

This morning I woke singing the song Someday by Tim Mahoney. The other morning I woke singing the song New York, New York by Liza Minnelli. I don’t make it a habit to wake singing show tunes but on occasion it happens. This reminds me of the time when I was off my medication (It’s the only way to justify my actions) and went to a hotel with my then girlfriend of 9 years for the sole purpose of having a girls night of cocktails and show tunes.

So there I was in a very nice hotel with the most beautiful girl in the world singing New York New York, Memories from CATS, Give my Regards to Broadway and other unmentionables. Colombia (the girlfriend) and I took several road trips for the sole purpose of visiting an upscale hotel for low class singing. However, it was high class singing that made me fall in love with her. The first time I met her she played the piano while singing the song Unchained Melody. I sat on the piano bench with her and was blown away. It was instant love. She sang that song on our anniversary each year. I never tired of it.

Continue reading ‘Random: A Show Tune Kinda Memory’

Random: Good Times Those Were

Published on February 9, 2008 in Borderline Personality Disorder. 5 Comments Tags: .

Every year Mama went to Switzerland to ski. One year she hit a tree and came back with a broken collar bone and shoulder. Later she developed laryngitis. She wasn’t able to move or speak for over a week. Mama silent and immobile….good times those were.

J of A

I Remember Sitting, Standing, Dancing

Published on January 17, 2008 in Dissociative Identity Disorder, Female Sadist and PTSD. 0 Comments Tags: , .

I went outside with my mother and sister and danced in the rain.
I remember getting up from my mother’s fit of rage, turning on the radio and dancing to 80’s music to toss out memory of what was just done.

I remember standing on a balcony 21 stories above the city gazing at a perfect rainbow with complete strangers. The rainbow seemed to hang forever.
I remember hanging out of a six story window looking down, not sure if the mother would really push me that time.

I remember sitting on a dock by the Gulf of Mexico with my feet dangling in the water. A huge bird came and sat beside me. I froze as he ate my shrimp fishing bait.
I remember sailing with my uncle. My fear of water started there. I wondered if I could actually swim back to shore.

Continue reading ‘I Remember Sitting, Standing, Dancing’

Random Memory Friday: I Remember When

Published on January 11, 2008 in For the Record and Humor. 4 Comments Tags: .

I remember making my first loaf of bread at age eight. I had all the ingredients but one. I was sure it would turn out just fine. It turned out flat. That’s when I discovered yeast is important.

I remember making my first pan of fried chicken. I put flour on the chicken, put it in the pan and expected it to fry. There was no golden crust like at Kentucky Fried Chicken. I later realized water isn’t the same as oil. Age eight was a year for learning.

I remember climbing to the top of the house and jumping off the roof. I wasn’t playing Superman I thought I was the guy from the show The Greatest American Hero. While climbing I sang the song: “Believe it or not I’m walking on air. I never thought I could be so free-e-e. Flying away on a wing and prayer, who could it be? Believe it or not it’s just me.” Leap, crash, repeat. Continue reading ‘Random Memory Friday: I Remember When’

Random Memory Friday: Firsts

Published on December 13, 2007 in For the Record and Gratitude Journal. 6 Comments Tags: .

I remember the first time I fell in love. He was a boy named Danny that I was sure to marry. His mother and my mother talked about how our little curly headed kids would terrorize the world. I was deeply in love at what age 10?

I remember the first time I had that funny feeling in my stomach while watching John Cougar Mellancamp dance on MTV singing with his guitar. I said, “Mama why does my stomach feel like all funny when I watch him dance?” “It’s excitement she said.” I was embarrassed. That was my sophomore year in high school.

Continue reading ‘Random Memory Friday: Firsts’